Better, but still severely depressed

In not suicidal and I'm not in constant pain. Prozac has kicked it. I feel better.

I'm still severely depressed. I haven't been able to do anything this week. I spent the weekend in bed too nauseated to eat and weak from hunger and heat. That in itself is depressing. I still hate July and I have bad histamine reactions to things.

At least I have enough optimism and self esteem to think OK, I have more depression to treat. I'm on two medicines that cut my appetite and km not interested in another. I'm wondering about TMS, the magnet thing.

I cant wait for more therapy to bring me around. I'm chronic. I need to do whatever can be done to get as much better as i can. I dont have an income from any source or any financial resources and I dont want to bleed my son financially.

So...I guess I consult pdoc again and review the selfy helpy things I know about.

One last cup of coffee though If I find three dollars for it!

This is how depressed i am. I have money in the Bank and a new atm card and the pin number for the new card but I dont open my mail or sort through my desk and so I dont have access to my coffee money.

I am pretty disgusted with county paid mental health services. Because I am brighter and seem more functional than them, and possibly am, they totally blew off that I needed help with major depression. Major Depression. Suicidal depression. I kept telling them and expecting them to understand what I was saying...I dont want to resent this forever but Its really awful to be "invisibly" mentally ill and blown off as you ask for last chance eleventh hour help in desperation.

I hate incompetent people.

But, I like pdoc and I have a good therapist. Prozac is doing Its thing but I still am severely depressed. Im working on "functional" this week and treatment to feel "possible" .

Any suggestions are welcome.

I have glimpses of my old self. I used to be something.

Keep holding on, teacake. I know what it is like for my pain to be invisible to people, even people that I pay to keep me safe! Please take yourself seriously and prioritize your wellbeing, even if no one else will. Go get that coffee! And if you get really suicidal, don't hesitate to go to the ER. You matter, and you are strong.

Than you, Secretum! Thank you those words! You set a positive tone for my afternoon. I appreciate it.