[Fuzzybear]

I don't understand. Why did that T have to dump me when my mother was dying. I paid him. There was so much to talk about, but I wasn't "good enough"...I suppose he didn't like bears so why did he pretend to like me? Just to pay for his fat car I suppose

[Hellion]

Sorry that happened it can be very frustrating being dropped by therapists and having to switch. That said there are many reasons therapists drop clients...sometimes its not even really up to them and has to do with the management or whatever moving them around. Also though the therapists job is to be a therapist and talk to you about your problems and try to be supportive/help or whatever. Its not about them liking you or not really, so if a therapist drops someone its not nessisarily they 'liked' the person and then stopped liking them so they drop them.

Did your therapist say why he was dropping you and point you to any resources or whatever to get another therapist? I mean I certainly would not want to work with a therapist who disliked me....but its not really their job to ensure their clients/patients are someone they'd want to be friends with or go hang out for a weekend with though if they really dislike a patient/client they should do the responsible thing and have them work with a different therapist since its important the therapist and patient/client can get along during session. I guess the point is perhaps it was nothing personal....so try not to feel to bad or 'unworthy' about it since its likely not anything you did wrong.

[Parley]

I wish I understood this as well. Thankfully, I have not had this experience and I can't imagine the pain it would cause me but I know it would be severe. I just asked my therapist if she was going to retire anytime soon because I don't want to be blindsided by such a thing.

I don't know if he gave you a referral or not but either way, he sounds heartless. I hope you can mend from this and find someone to trust that will treat you well.

[ThisWayOut]

[doyoutrustme]

The only one who wasn't "good enough" is clearly the so called therapist.

[Lady Courtesan]

Grrr! No good basgrrr! Unprofessional-grrrrr! I'm sorry. Hate it when anybody hurts my baby bear. Grrrrr! Let's have therapist for dinner instead of salmon! Double grrr! So sorry about your mum. Grrr! Then we'll sit by the pool while Papa Bear picks his teeth with the bones. (Maybe a solution for many therapists...) Love you baby bear. And grrrrrrrrr! GB

[Open Eyes]

(((Fuzzybear))),

It is unfortunate but therapists/psychologists are just people and just because they study psychology doesn't mean they are actually going to be a good psychologist. Just because a psychologist learns about different circumstances that create different psychological challenges in people, doesn't mean that psychologist is really capable of "helping" a patient heal and learn how to do better in spite of their personal challenges either.

I am lucky that I found not only a knowledable psychologist/therapist, but one that also practices the humanistic approach to therapy as well. Not everyone can do that either, some people are just very clinical and "matter of fact" and really don't "know" how to practice in a "nurturing" manner. It isn't enough to just feel bad for those who struggle or were abused or neglected either. There are therapists who just use set types of therapy and expect that kind of therapy to work, it is not that "simple" with human beings. I have read different posts from different members discribing how their therapist works with them and basically "just" puts them into situations "thought to" help in therapy. However, these therapists don't make a personal "humanistic" connection with their patients and thus, whatever they utilize as a therapy method, has little to no affect and can actually confuse the patient.

What I have heard from you is that you "need" a more humanistic approach in your therapy, and you have not found that kind of therapist, but instead have found therapists that tend to leave you feeling "unworthy" and "too broken" to fix. That is "not" your fault either, it is the same as there are lots of teachers, but only a few that truly shine and do "more" than just go through the motions of teaching the A,B,C's.

One of the big things I have noticed about people that struggle with complex PTSD, is often they have good hearts and even care about others and "empathize" too, but often did not receive that treatment in return. The last thing these individuals need to have happen is to have a therapist "shut them down" somehow. When someone has PTSD, they are stuck in "I can't believe this happened" and often need to find a way to talk about whatever they experienced and express whatever emotions they have that typically they have often been told "not to express".

A "good", truely "good" therapist will understand that if a PTSD patient "questions" them about how they say something to the patient or expresses an opinion on something, it is "not" an attack on the therapist. A therapist should "not" put a PTSD patient on "ignore" and decide to "shut that patient out" somehow. Typically, with a patient who struggles with "complex PTSD", that is exactly the kind of abuse/neglect/punishment/emotional abuse they have suffered from in their past.

Because I have experienced a therapist that really "can" help a patient that "does" understand these challenges, I have been able to see how "other" therapists in my past have "failed me". I have also been fortunate that my therapist has reviewed my records and has pointed out that "yes" I did receive "poor treatment" in my past too. And one of the things I grieve and often get very angry about is if I had the right treatment and the clear red flags I had expressed, afforded me the proper therapy, I would not be as bad as I am now where I was traumatized on top of already being traumatized, by the very people who were "supposed to know" how to treat me. Unfortunately, all that did is compound the way I had been treated poorly or "emotionally abused" by my own family too.

A truly "good and qualified" therapist that is "qualified" to treat and recognize the symptoms of complex PTSD, will understand how to "not further traumatize" a patient by doing the very same "poor and toxic" responses to the patient that is often responding defensively. If an abused dog cowers in the corner and growls, what do you do, "hit the dog?" and "punish the dog?" or lock him up with "no interactions?". If an abused dog pee's on the floor when you raise your voice, do you hit him and punish him for peeing on the floor? If you think that can't happen, think again I WATCHED THAT HAPPEN to my older brother. I watched my parents turn to a "psychiatrist" for help and be told to "punish, punish" and I watched teachers "punish and punish" and I watched a child pee the floor, wet the bed, pee his pants, suck his thumb out of fear and stress and what I know now as "flight/flight/freeze" and "CONSTANTLY CONTINUE TO BE PUNISHED for every single normal human way of DEFENDING or REACTING to ABUSE.

When it came time where "I" needed help YEARS later, it has greatly saddened me how much is still not "understood" by people who are supposed to be "professionals". So, before you allow yourself to "listen to the PTSD that says you are unworthy", think again and choose not to listen to that "symptom". I know it is hard, I know it can be strong and crippling too, but as hard as it is, choose to let it pass and choose to "heal" instead. And though it can be hard to find "a good knowing therapist", keep trying and keep reaching out for support as you do so, you are not alone on that journey.

(((Caring Supportive Hugs)))
OE

[Teacake]

Fuzzybear, there are a lot of good books by therapist trained really smart people lime Jeffrey Masson (Against Therapy) and James Hillman

(A HUNDRED YEARS OF PSYCHOTHERAPY AND THE WORLD IS WORSE)

I have a lively interest in PTSD recovery. The PTSD that falls close to my heart is the one that affects people who have to participate in violence. I dont care why they had to. As it looks like I will survive my crisis I will go home,and teach what I know. But may God choke me before I charge money to help those I could help. I will sell pumpkins by the side of the road first.

There are very good cases to be made against healing relationships being paid relationships.