Never knew I suffered

Until I went through trauma therapy twice this past winter/spring I never knew I had PTSD.. also I had never been woken up by anything but an alarm since the incident had occurred.

My poor mother, shes probably the sweetest person I know and she was waking me up to go to intensive therapy and I wasnt waking up so she put her hand on my shoulder and it woke me up alright. It put me in an automatic defensive mode and I lunged out of bed at her with my whole hand covering her face. Thankfully I realized where I was and who she was really quick but it scared the crap outta us both... never had anything like that happened. .

Im now terriefied to stay at friends or have them stay over and if they do I tell em not to touch me if im asleep and I get super serious. They look at me like im crazy. Im probably over reacting but im afraid of what I might do if that one time I dont realize who they are in time. Id never forgive myself if I hurt someone I cared about by accident.

Then I think to future when I have a family.. what then.. it makes me almost not want to have one. To save people from this hot mess.. idk.. so frustrated

An hour of yoga a day will prevent this by increasing GABA. Choose now. Learn yoga and do an hour a night or wander the streets alone never again to know the gentle touch of a woman who loves you.

You may be a tad dramatic. I've had ptsd for thirty years from several incidents and have never killed in my sleep. I've survived ptsd bedfellows. My ptsd dad had a wonderful startle reflex. He launched his sergeant across a barracks when that man tried to wake him. But as little girls we woke him by putting frozen things on his feet and scampering. It was very exciting but we were never afraid.

I'm serious about the yoga. Retired 20 year Navy Seal Mikal Vega swears by Kundalini yoga. Just plain stretching for an hour works too. Bessel van Der Kolk long time ptsd resealorcher at Harvard says yoga is the shti for PTSD. This is the real cure.

It will prevent you sticking a finger in your mother's eye and getting those crazy looks from your friends. You can learn from YouTube and library books.

Also. Go to sleep earlier and wake naturally in the morning.

An hour of yoga a day will prevent this by increasing GABA. Choose now. Learn yoga and do an hour a night or wander the streets alone never again to know the gentle touch of a woman who loves you.

You may be a tad dramatic. I've had ptsd for thirty years from several incidents and have never killed in my sleep. I've survived ptsd bedfellows. My ptsd dad had a wonderful startle reflex. He launched his sergeant across a barracks when that man tried to wake him. But as little girls we woke him by putting frozen things on his feet and scampering. It was very exciting but we were never afraid.

I'm serious about the yoga. Retired 20 year Navy Seal Mikal Vega swears by Kundalini yoga. Just plain stretching for an hour works too. Bessel van Der Kolk long time ptsd resealorcher at Harvard says yoga is the shti for PTSD. This is the real cure.

It will prevent you sticking a finger in your mother's eye and getting those crazy looks from your friends. You can learn from YouTube and library books.

Also. Go to sleep earlier and wake naturally in the morning.

Sorry for the double post.
Sorry for the double post.

There's no harm in telling people that if you get startled away by being touched, that you're liable to smack at them before realizing what's going on. I know people like that!

And try not to worry too much about the future family you may or may not have. I don't now how old you are, but there's always the chance that you'll gradually come out of that response.

It's been my experience being a suburban woman with ptsd that if I disclose indiscriminately Im 'likely to get tested. People really dislike people who announce their ptsd, for all kinds of reasons. I don't do it real world like I do here. Even hospital employees in a really affluent liberal town can be shtis about it. Security guards and police can feel me across the room and know.

You learn to whom to disclose. You learn when to keep your mouth shut.

Mostly you learn to manage your physiology so you aren't so jumpy.

Thanks yall... its just really new.. yeah im learning who to talk to and who not to really quickly.. however its also sorting out my real friends pretty quickly.. but thanjs for the advice. Its helping alot

Yoga and chicken soup. And don't smoke. Nicotine makes you sharp and we love anything that makes us more hypervigilant, but it will kill you. Not with cancer. That's a myth. But by destroying your lungs.