[ThisWayOut]

Flashbacks are returning hard. Got really triggered in therapy last time and I can't seem to pull out of it. I want to bawl my eyes out, but there's no place to do that; no safe person to do it with... the flashbacks bring more complete memories, and they are unrelenting. I've been rehearsing my mantra that is supposed to remind me I'm in the here and now, not the past. The words are starting to blend together and not make sense because I've said them so often recently.
Every little thing makes me jump again. I thought that it had finally calmed down a few weeks ago, but it's back. None of my usual coping skills are helping. I hate this so much. I just want to be able to get through the days without feeling so terrified and alone...

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry you are experiencing these flashbacks. I know they are scary too, and they are intrusive. They are really "not" happening to hurt or punish you either, the way to finally get them to stop is to understand that they are unresolved traumas and they will come over you like a wave that you really cannot stop, but, instead know they come in, crest and always receed. Then you can find your way to the present and work in understanding these flashbacks, recognizing they are not happening now and what they mean and to talk about them. As you do this, they will get weaker and weaker and will only be a memory that you have finally processed.

Your brain is showing you where you have been "hurt" so you can finally resolve it. Typically a flashback comes in small pieces so the brain doesn't get too overwhelmed. What is scary about it is how one never realized this could happen or that past trauma's could come forward this way. Actually a good way to weaken them is acknowledge them with yes, I remember, that did happen, it was scary but I survived it and it is not happening "now".

Our brain stores experiences in different places too, so it takes time for a past trauma to come out so you can finally verbalize it all and put it into a story you can talk about with your therapist. What eventually comes out is a complete story of not only how you were hurt, but how that challenged you to where you struggled with dealing with some kind of series of hurts where you did not get the help you needed. It takes time to work on whatever your consistent theme of emotional challenges you had in your past. And you will find yourself needing to talk about something several times as something new comes forward. It can sound like you are telling the same story over and over but your brain is slowly adding new pieces that you need to repeat and add into the story, that is "normal" and it is important to be "patient" with this process.

This stage of PTSD is a challenge because a person can experience a trigger that brings out a flashback and have a hard time explaining it. It is intrusive and inconvenient, but, just part of a process that needs to take place so you can finally process whatever is there. Often people complain of struggling to sleep too, even being afraid to sleep at times, but these intrusions will ease up as you continue to acknowledge and work through whatever comes forward, and it is not because you are bad or wrong either, this is "normal" to PTSD and working through it towards healing. This is when you also need to learn to develop a part of yourself that is willing to listen, be caring, and understanding while you experience these things coming forward looking to finally be resolved and processed.

You are welcome to come to this forum and talk about whatever you need to talk about or vent too. You deserve support for this and not to feel alone with it too. You are going to get through this, so be patient and self caring and self comforting and share as you need to.

((Gentle Caring Supportive Hugs)))
OE

[JaneC]

TWO

I can relate. I have been in a similar place very recently. Alongside the mantra you chant, do you add in anything tactile or visual? What I find really useful is to switch between my coping strategies as it seems to engage the brain differently. I add in a "look for and count 5 blue things in the room" and then "touch and notice a surface that I know is here and now" then a "3 deep tummy breathes" and then switch back to the list of things that tell me "who I am, how old I am now, where I live and one person super special to me".

I hope that may help? And also, I'm sending you some kind and positive thoughts of safety.

[ThisWayOut]

I switch up with breathing, but tactile and visual doesn't help because I can still dissociate while doing that... I ended up contacting a crisis line then taking something to be able to sleep the rest of the day away. It helped. The flashbacks are much slower to start today.
I'm sorry you are struggling also.