[kala83]

I feel so confused broken and miserable lately
I started taking PTSD therapy and ever since I have had a whole lot of random **** start happening to me making me have trigger some of which end up being so strong I am not sure i even want to be out in public when it goes on. I nearly verbally lashed out at another co worker badly a few days...ago....and now I am horrified to go into work again tomorrow. Too top it off I am having a bad manic episode with my bipolar tonight so I can not sleep.The phobia I have been having due to the PTSD is effecting everything in my life....I do not trust hardly anything my SO says to me anymore. And I am guilty thinking that possibly the best thing for us to do...or for me to do so that I do not end up bitterly hating him, and breaking up with him is for us to live seperatly until we can sort stuff the **** out in our lives.

I just can't help but keep asking mentally why is this happening to me? I am going to my therapist i am going to support groups I am trying to work though all of this....why do I feel the way I do why do I still feel like a victim? why am I lashing out angry at people in my life now?

why am I pushing people i love and adore away from me?

why is being happy something I can not recognize or I do not feel like i have in my life? why do I feel whenever I can be happy I get screwed out of being happy any time I really want to have it in my life?

Originally Posted by kala83

I feel so confused broken and miserable lately
I started taking PTSD therapy and ever since I have had a whole lot of random **** start happening to me making me have trigger some of which end up being so strong I am not sure i even want to be out in public when it goes on. I nearly verbally lashed out at another co worker badly a few days...ago....and now I am horrified to go into work again tomorrow. Too top it off I am having a bad manic episode with my bipolar tonight so I can not sleep.The phobia I have been having due to the PTSD is effecting everything in my life....I do not trust hardly anything my SO says to me anymore. And I am guilty thinking that possibly the best thing for us to do...or for me to do so that I do not end up bitterly hating him, and breaking up with him is for us to live seperatly until we can sort stuff the **** out in our lives.

I just can't help but keep asking mentally why is this happening to me? I am going to my therapist i am going to support groups I am trying to work though all of this....why do I feel the way I do why do I still feel like a victim? why am I lashing out angry at people in my life now?

why am I pushing people i love and adore away from me?

why is being happy something I can not recognize or I do not feel like i have in my life? why do I feel whenever I can be happy I get screwed out of being happy any time I really want to have it in my life?

Hello kala83: A few years ago, I attended a partial hospital program. And one of the things I remember from that experience was one of the therapists saying: "Don't should on yourself." Don't tell yourself: "I should be this or that", etc. (Happy, tolerant, etc.) Still, I realize you're having great difficulty.

I have not had PTSD therapy. But I do know that any time a person starts digging up hurtful memories, it can spill over into day-to-day life for a while. I would think the first thing you might want to do is to talk with the professionals around you about what you're experiencing. They know you & should be able to work with you to minimize the impact this "spill-over" effect has on your life in general.

I don't recall you mentioning med's in your post. If you're not taking anything presently, perhaps this might be something to consider, at least for a while as you explore the experiences that caused you to develop PTSD to begin with.

My best wishes to you...

[kala83]

I am on meds but its been a while since I have been able to see my pyshtraist. so i am running low.....on...my meds...but I am hoping to get in touch with someone soon.

[MotownJohnny]

Hi. All of those feelings are typical of PTSD. It takes patience and time to work through them.

[kala83]

I figured as much that they are typical...but lol well this will sound odd or almost child like on my part but I had no idea...theyis would affect me like it is....

its such a odd feeling I hate all of this soo much but at the same time I am truly grateful I am doing this for myself I know when its all said and done I will benefit from it greatly.