[Teacake]

I made it home, where the idea was that I would be alone to heal myself. My mother has been with me two weeks. Mom has always steamrolled. She doesn't cooperate. She just diez what she does as she wants to do it and anyone else in the house can work around her.

She still refers to my "psychosis books". Not one has psychosis in the title. I have enzymes for autism and neurological disorders and what your doctor wont tell you about menopause. Cooking for geeks. Natural healing for schizophrenia. Its a high histamine book, not a paychosis book.. A book on allergies.

I thought I could choose from a half dozen rooms for yoga space. I have big floors and ten foot ceilings and in the centre of every room os a chandelier hung low enough I have to stoop in heels to pass under them. Everywhere. Right in the center of each room.

Mom wont go away.

I will never have the house to myself. So i turn info my dad and grampa, going out to work my muscles in the yards until im tired. I have twenty acres that cant be farmed. Some of it is protected woodlands. I can have fun. I can play pioneer. I have nothing to complain about.

Nothing to complain of but poison ivy. And my family. They planned a surprise for me. It os a lovely nature but not fie ptsd. I can tell when somethings up. I can tell when plans are not as i expected. I get paranoid. Early on i guessed we were expecting a male guest and that it had to be my son, but I still got paranoid and antsy. Then I got poison ivy.

Its an old house. My grandfathers grandfather built the main part and my grandfather built the rest. Its a good house. Its worth saving. So are the trees and garden spaces.

So...my mother loves me but empathy and sensitivity are not her thing. Attunement Is not in her repertoire. But shes the only mom Ive ever had. I cant afford residential treatment and frankly I dont trust it is not summer camp for rich old women suffering ptsd from stress breakdowns caused by divorce proceedings or children who leave home. You know what I mean. So im doing what I can. And Its challenging enough without banda and face blistering up. I wake with wild dreams. I cant find organic cream. Ive half a mind to buy a goat.

[MotownJohnny]

Sorry, Teacake, about the poision ivy and about the intrusion. Do you know what jewel weed is? It grows in damp areas, has little orange or yellow flowers. Its juice is a natural remedy - I would still use hydrocortisone or whatever, but if by chance that grows nearby it would be worth a try. The plant is very soft and naturally juicy so easy to do.

[Teacake]

Thanks, Johnny. I have seen lots of little flowers but none ring a bell as jewel plant. Im so full of antihistamine im hardly suffering.

Do you know what would smell like sandalwood burning?

Im wondering how on earth to dispose of poison ivy?

[Open Eyes]

Oh, geez Teacake not only do you have to put up with your mothers negative comments that IMHO are invalidating, but now you end up with poisen ivy whilst trying to claim some land you can hack and till and turn and make productive.

Well, poisen ivy is tough, you either have to cut it down "carefully with gloves" or spray it with a chemical to kill it. The best time of year to cut it down is "after" the leaves drop off so you can just focus on removing the vines. If you are going to use a chemical, then you need to do that when the leaves are there to absorb the poisen, but you will still have to cut back the vines so you can get it out of the way. You can weed wack it with a weed wacker, but you have to really cover up and wear protective glasses because a weed wacker tends to spray just what you don't want sprayed. A lawnmower can get poisen ivy on the ground, if you don't have rocks etc there too.

I am lucky that I am not real allergic to it because I had to deal with a lot of it when I hacked away and cleared my own property as my property was very over grown when I moved here, just my house on a small patch of grass and the rest was very overgrown with all kinds of prickers, poisen ivy, and sumack that grew like trees. I invested in a nice pair of clippers and took to constantly clearing mostly during the winter and early spring when I did not have any foliage to deal with. My husband is very allergic to poisen ivy so I had to clear it away so he could cut down trees. I found that the clearing of my land was very rewarding, gave me a sense of control/reward seeing how my efforts were showing me the land hidden under all that crap.

The place you have described sound neat Teacake.

[Teacake]

Hey, OE, it is a neat old place full of memories of invalidating people. The family that built it was Englush but my Grandma was Germán. No one invalidates like the Germans. They considered it an essential of childrearing. Maybe all europeans thwart their children, but germans overengineer thwarting and invalidation like they do everything else.

[JaneC]

Ouch! That poison ivy sounds awful!! I'm sorry that you've been having such a trying time when you were looking forward to some peace and quiet and relaxation.

I hope for your sake that your Mum moves on soon, and that you can take a chandelier down and find your yoga space. Take kind care Teacake.

[Bluegrey]

You were so looking forward to your new place, Teacake - it must be really hard that your hopes have been dashed. Take care, I hope you can sort out the poison ivy and that your mother leaves soon.


Bluegrey

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by JaneC

Ouch! That poison ivy sounds awful!! I'm sorry that you've been having such a trying time when you were looking forward to some peace and quiet and relaxation.

I hope for your sake that your Mum moves on soon, and that you can take a chandelier down and find your yoga space. Take kind care Teacake.

I move my mom. I do. I just wish I could disable sound on her.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Teacake

I move my mom. I do. I just wish I could disable sound on her.

That is what disassociation is for Teacake.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by Bluegrey

You were so looking forward to your new place, Teacake - it must be really hard that your hopes have been dashed. Take care, I hope you can sort out the poison ivy and that your mother leaves soon.


Bluegrey

My hopes arent dashed. I will train my mother to respect my boundaries and and then we can spend weeks and weeks together without *****ery.. I Will! And then I will eradicate poison ivy from the county. This autumn. It will be great.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

That is what disassociation is for Teacake.

Bahaha! If only I were quick on the rebound...

[Open Eyes]

Me too Teacake.

[Bluegrey]

Glad to hear it! Go for it - glad you have this determination


Bluegrey

[Teacake]

Its badlo

Im not bothered by the poison ivy so much as the high histamine which makes me suicidal and high adrenaline. This will end in my suicide. My son is too young to help me. I tried. I found a good doctor in the state hospital, but I was discharged without being able to make the choice between leaving and doing a neuropsychiatric panel. I had good doctors who were curious about my situation.

[Open Eyes]

Teacake, that is such a troublesome post. Your son is also too young to deal with his mother acting on bad thoughts too.

Have you ever tried cannibus? It might help with both the PTSD and the menopaus.

[MotownJohnny]

Teacake, would basic over the counter anti-histamine like Benadryl help to even you out?

Would it be worth a shot, or do you already take them?

Benadryl makes me very sleepy, maybe if someone in an agitated state took it it might just level them out?

[Teacake]

I have all kinds of anti-histamine medicine and it does help. I wont get over chronic ptsd though. I am done managing symptoms and crippling along without support. I was deluded thinking my mother was going to give me the keys and go away. I knew in hospital this would end with me hanging in the woods.

When I went I.to hospital I hit the roof when the doctor referred to me as "threatening suicide". I have done no such thing. I have spoken openly about suicide. I have spoken honestly and for a long time avoided even sarcasm and irony and trhetorical hyperbole to jeep my speech as honest as it could be. Working with people who work with psychiatric patients, it seemed wise to avoid using language in ways that could be misunderstood. She may have used threatened as one light say, it threatens rain.

In the end all that honesty was overridden by the general lack of respect in the mental health industry. In the end I lied to get out. I said I was going to be OK but I knew I was going to hang myself. Its funny how Ive always known things about my life. Long ago I knew the apot where I would exit this one.

[JaneC]

Teacake this is really concerning. Please reach out for support. I also say as OE did, that your son is too young to have to deal with his mother acting on dark thoughts. There is always an alternative. I hope you can reach out and get the help you need.

[Open Eyes]

((Teacake)),

You have just been through some very "stressful" changes where you uprooted and moved to where you are now. This is going to aggrivate the PTSD, and began to aggrivate it this past summer. Teacake "hang the stress, not yourself" because that is what you really want to get rid of. You made a move and there is no way you can even remotely feel settled into your new environment right now. To add to that stress is your mother's presence that is only aggrivating and triggering you, but that "can" eventually go away "if" she feels you are in no danger of harming yourself.

You are feeding into the "negative PTSD symptoms", you are smarter than that Teacake, you actually "can" use your intelligence to help yourself and get so you find your way to building a life in this place that sounds really nice, to where you can reduce the stress that aggrivates the PTSD to impairing you so much.

You also have another challenge of dealing with menopaus, you need to look into the natrual remedies to help you with these symptoms too. Menopaus does settle down and you can feel normal again and even "better" because you will no longer be dealing with the monthy hormonal changes. Most women love not having to deal with that crap every month anymore, it's just a challenge getting through the change itself, but that will go away.

The ADHD is going to also be pushy, so if you can find a way to be "active" and productive with something/anything it will not only help that, but also the PTSD too.
You say you have woods around you right? Well, if you can't get a winter garden going, you could work on making a nice walking trail in the woods for yourself, I did that myself and found it very rewarding and it sure did burn off a lot of stress too. A nice trail can be something you can do for a morning walk, or eventually a morning jog to clear your mind and also be "in nature" too.

This is a "new" environment and it is going to take you time to develop a sense of "control" over it, but it's doable Teacake and at least you have it there to have some fun with.

You can do this, don't allow yourself to feed into negative thinking. Also, see what kind of Therapists are in this state, you may find a lot more support in that area too. Choose to be a survivor Teacake, you can do it, you are so smart.

[Teacake]

My mother wont go home! She claims she needs to meet with the farmer and check the plumbers work but she doesnt want me to go stay in her place while she is here.

My sister thinks It is funny.

My mother is borderline. I love my mother but you better believe I hate her too. Its not fair to blame her for what she is. . She could not have been a real mother no matter how hard she tried. She doesnt experiwnce empathy. The closest ahe can come is to be triggered to remember a similar experience of her own. So...I said something about a doc who really got how traumatising It was for me to live with a man I loved who had serious ptad from a m.e. prison. I abreacted a little in the telling. I www surprised mom seemed touched, then she fries and tome me about my dad fui.g of copd. Hed had a bad moment Whn he couldnt breathe and asked her to help him. I was impressed by how closely her all about her story matched my story. It is as close to empathy as she can get.

She didn't cause me to have ptsd but I always wonder if the cared for girls I went to college with would have been allowed to suffer as i did or whether a real mother wouldn't have le me take a quarter off to do psychotherapy. Naturally I imagine a cared for girl would have called her mother to tell her and the whole thing would never have become ptsd

When I told my mom there was scary racism in the city she told me that's why I shouldn't date an African student because It would he my fault if he got put in a position where he had to defend us.

When I dated a man who dealt in antique carpets I had to say It that way because rug dealer rhymes with drug dealer and her anxiety extents to things that rhyme with dangerous things.

She's borderline. She blames me for crazy things. We were almost joking blaming her brother for everything, letting him be our scapegoat. Snowball did It. But she still projects in earnest. And out of the blue she spoke of her cancer and said as if in summation, "mine is worse". The look on her face was priceless, pure borderline peeve.

If It weren't for the hatred she has for me, It would all be cute and funny. But she hates me. She hates me for growing up in the house my father built for his girls. She hates me for having his slender build and being his daughter. We were watching home movies and one christmas dad was not smiling at the camera. I reacted to the unsmiling look. I felt mom react too. Uh oh. It wasn't a mean look. It was a serious intelligent. He wasn't playing along. There were times he was very angry. Me too. We had a right to be. We didn't have a wife/mother in our house. We had Medea the witch/waif. Sometimes she was unpleas
Send good wishes for my mother to go home to her nice elegant suburban home.