Confused and scared

My boyfriend and I have known each other for 14 years. We have been dating a little over a year. This year I started under going trauma therapy for my ptsd.
Which I kind of learned in the long run is effecting the both of us.

Since he was raped when he was six. He has always since then limited an held back love from women, because he does not feel he deserves it and is scared of doing so.

Going through a long difficult conversation together last night were came to a better understanding of things.

I know that he does truly love me and I know together or not he will always love me.

Even though I hurt and I am deeply saddened and depressed I do feel like there is hope and if we can just hold on the both of us helping one another along. We can get past this.

Through all the hard hurtful things said...it became clear to me in the end that the issues that hold is back from our happiness are not your fault. It's because we are both going back through our own pasts that have hurt and damaged us.

Its easy in our positions to think that's our fault but It's not. Someone doing what they did to us is not our fault It's who did to us. They are to blame

Thank you for sharing that kala, that is very good, important to finally healing in that you both realize that whatever is "hurt" in each of you is not your fault.

(((Supportive Hugs)))
OE

It was me whom at end of our conversation made the comment that we .might feel at fault but we are not. I am lucky That he and I realize the truth of our pasts. It's not fun and It's fairly hurtful to us both. But knowing the real actual truth is Important for people in our situations

It's very important to keep that "it's not your fault" ever present as self blame is already there in the picture and "healing" takes place when one is willing to embrace that whatever happened, whatever way they reacted was not really their fault, just based on how they only did what they knew how to do at the time.

So very true. Often we were just children. How are children to comprehend such early traumas?

me and my boyfriend have been facing on and off issues for the whole year and half we have been together and its really challenging.....it almost hurts me to say but u livng seperatly and having a bit more time away from each other is better.

I have bad tendency of cling to him more now due to what i am going through.....but I need to realize he is having a hard time of things...as well.
and being that way will not really help that...much.

as hard as it is I have to just try to take one day at a time.

It sounds like the two of you our developing a warm and supportive relationship and that will be healing for both of you.

My ptsd has put added strain on my marriage, but we've grown closer because of it. There are men out there who wouldn't stick around for it, but my H had an incredibly emotionally abusive father. I think emotional abuse is actually worse than physical abuse. I had both so I know what I'm talking about.

It's ok to validate another's needs and hurts. It is important however, that each of you reach out for help and therapy though too. There needs to be some "positive" input taking place with these challenges and depending on each other for resolve without help can end up being too much for each of you. It is much better if each of you are involved in a treatment program where you are healing and learning and gaining and supporting each other with that process.