First of all, I'm sorry I haven't been too active in supporting others here.

How can I explain to my psychiatrist and my therapist that I need more help? I've been having so many nightmares about the sexual abuse and I can't seem to have a good night's sleep without waking up from a nightmare.

I got close to talking about them with my psychiatrist, but at the last minute, when he asked me to explain my nightmares I got scared and told him I didn't want to talk about it. In truth, I really don't want to talk about it, but I don't want to keep these memories locked up in my brain anymore either.

I have tried to tell my therapist in the past, but every time she's asked me if I wanted to share, I told her no. And I told her I'd never be willing to share. She eventually stopped asking if I wanted to share, and I don't really want to tell her if she doesn't ask me about it.

I am so anxious all the time. I feel like I'm always in danger and I can't avoid it no matter all the precautions I take. I want someone to talk to about my nightmares, I want someone to listen to me whine about these damn memories, but I am so scared. I am afraid that if I talk about it, I might let it happen again. As if my words could bring it into existence, you know? I don't want to talk about it, but I know I need to...

Is there any easier way to talk about this? Some way I can communicate to my care team that I need some help?

[kaliope]

can you say to them just what you said here? even print this post and let them read it if it is to hard to say. I think that would be the best way to get it across.

could you try sharing one of you least tramatic nightmares here, even in a pm to somebody that you have connected with. when you see that it doesn't bring you any harm and it may even make you feel better that can give you the courage to share more. even if it is only sharing more here until you are ready to share with your care team. we're anonymous. it is easier. but once you see no harm comes to you, you will feel better and it will encourage you to share with t.

[MotownJohnny]

I think writing it down, thinking it over, editing and changing as you see fit, until the final version says what you want it to say, might be a way to communicate your feelings without feeling imminently threatened.

[JaneC]

Kori you sure don't sound like a coward to me.

The above suggestions are good. Taking it slowly as kaliope suggests sounds nice and safe to me. I have real trouble talking abut things too....and have in the recent past been able to write them in an email to my therapist.

He then has gently given me the option to talk about it, or else moves on if it is clear I don't want to or can't. Then he'll wait for me to bring it up again

Take good care, go as slow as you need. And reach out if you can.....I have found it really does help.

[Open Eyes]

Kori, you are welcome to PM me anytime, I have had to work through these challenges myself. Sometimes it helps when it is not out in the open. It is up to you, don't feel you have to, just want to leave an open invitation that's all.

It's "ok" if you are not here supporting others right now, you are not in a place where you can do that right now, that's all.

(((Gentle Supportive Hugs)))
OE