[juniper1959]

Hi. After months of wavering, I finally decided to try an EMDR/brain spotting session. It was a week ago. I can't remember most of what happened, but I know I was very, very upset and crying and scared. Sort of like a flash back. I was more upset than when the trauma actually happened.

And a weird thing happened. At one point I felt like I was breathing funny, maybe hyperventilating, and suddenly I felt 2 contradictory things. 1. That my hands had disappeared. 2. Prickling and tingling all over my hands. I looked at my hands to see if they were there, and saw they were there, but it felt like they had no weight at all. I was scared.

I also remember saying something to my therapist about the monster. Of being so scared to be alone that I even tried to talk to the monster. I remember thinking what an odd thing I was saying.

It's not that I don't remember my trauma. I do. But it is very hard for me to look at it closely. I always look at it in a detached way. Except during this session, I was right there again but this time actually feeling the full intensity of the horror. Something I did not do when it was happening. Frankly, it was awful.

At my therapy on Tuesday, I successfully dodged EMDR for the whole hour, but in the end, the therapist said we needed to get back to it again soon. I really don't want to go back.

Has anyone had a similar or different experience with EMDR? Can anyone tell me what happened to me? I especially wonder about the hands thing, but also about the way it went and then my not being able to remember most of it. I'm just trying to make sense of this and work up the nerve to do it again.

Thanks.

[Bluegrey]

Hi juniper, I had my first session a couple of days ago too - but it was all just talking and background stuff as it's with a new therapist. She said that she would be teaching me coping strategies before we actually start the EMDR and that I would need them because it does get really hard, like experiencing the trauma again.

I'm not looking forward to that side of it - I'm scared - but given my mind seems determined to make me think about it all, I think it's the best option.

Perhaps your t needs to help you with more coping skills stuff before you do more EMDR?


Bluegrey

[juniper1959]

Thanks, Bluegrey. I've been seeing this therapist for 3 years for various things, actually. We didn't start the EMDR until she felt I was stable and had good strategies.

I'm coping OK, I'm just being a big chicken about doing it again!

[pattijane]

Your session doesn't sound like real EMDR therapy (which Brain-spotting is NOT), and as a professional EMDR therapist, it's disturbing to me that you had such a negative and overwhelming experience. You might want to take a look at a description of EMDR therapy because that's what SHOULD have happened: EMDR Network

As Juniper1959 said, "[they] didn't start EMDR therapy until [they] felt [she] was stable and had good [coping] strategies." Sounds like you'd benefit for more of the resourcing in one of the initial phases (Phase 2) in EMDR therapy, which involves preparing for memory processing or desensitization (memory processing or desensitization - phases 3-6 - is often what is referred to as "EMDR" which is actually an 8-phase method of psychotherapy). In this phase resources are "front-loaded" so that you have a "floor" or "container" to help with processing the really hard stuff, as well as creating strategies if you're triggered in everyday life. In Phase 2 you learn a lot of great coping strategies and self-soothing techniques which you can use during EMDR processing or anytime you feel the need.
In phase 2 you learn how to access a “Safe or Calm Place” which you can use at ANY TIME during EMDR processing (or on your own) if it feels scary, or too emotional, too intense. One of the key assets of EMDR therapy is that YOU, the client, are in control NOW, even though you weren’t in the past, during traumatic events and/or panic/anxiety. You NEVER need re-live an experience or go into great detail, ever! You NEVER need to go through the entire memory. YOU can decide to keep the lights (or the alternating sounds and/or tactile pulsars, or the waving hand, or any method of bilateral stimulation that feels okay to you) going, or stop them, whichever helps titrate – measure and adjust the balance or “dose“ of the processing. During EMDR processing there are regular “breaks” and you can control when and how many but the therapist should be stopping the bilateral stimulation every 25-50 passes of the lights to ask you to take a deep breath and say just a bit of what you’re noticing, anything different, any changes. (The stimulation should not be kept on continuously, because there are specific procedures that need to be followed to process the memory). The breaks help keep a “foot in the present” while you’re processing the past. Again, and I can’t say this enough, YOU ARE IN CHARGE so YOU can make the process tolerable. And your therapist should be experienced in the EMDR therapy techniques that help make it the gentlest and safest way to detoxify bad life experiences and build resources.

Pacing and dosing are critically important. So if you ever feel that EMDR processing is too intense then it might be time to go back over all the resources that should be used both IN session and BETWEEN sessions. Your therapist can use a variety of techniques to make painful processing less painful, like suggesting you turn the scene in your mind to black and white, lower the volume, or, erect a bullet-proof glass wall between you and the painful scene, or, imagine the abuser speaking in a Donald Duck voice... and so forth. There are a lot of these kinds of "interventions" that ease the processing. They are called "cognitive interweaves" that your therapist can use, and that also can help bring your adult self's perspective into the work (or even an imaginary Adult Perspective). Such interweaves are based around issues of Safety, Responsibility, and Choice. So therapist questions like "are you safe now?" or "who was responsible? and "do you have more choices now?" are all very helpful in moving the processing along.

Grounding exercises are essential. You can use some of the techniques in Dr. Shapiro's new book "Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR." Dr. Shapiro is the founder/creator of EMDR but all the proceeds from the book go to two charities: the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Program and the EMDR Research Foundation). The book is an easy read, helps you understand what's "pushing" your feelings and behavior, helps you connect the dots from past experiences to current life. Also gives lots of really helpful ways that are used during EMDR therapy to calm disturbing thoughts and feelings.

I use EMDR therapy as my primary psychotherapy treatment and I've also personally had EMDR therapy for anxiety, panic, grief, and “small t” trauma. As a client, EMDR worked extremely well and also really fast. As an EMDR therapist, and in my role as a facilitator who trains other therapists in EMDR therapy (certified by the EMDR International Association and trained by the EMDR Institute, both of which I strongly recommend in an EMDR therapist) I have used EMDR therapy successfully with panic disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, grief, body image, phobias, distressing memories, bad dreams, and many other problems. It's a very gentle method with no significant "down-side" so that in the hands of a professional EMDR therapist, there should be no freak-outs or worsening of day-to-day functioning.

[ChipperMonkey]

I'm concerned that you're re-living your trauma. I know that a lot of people think this is a necessary part of processing, whether it be through EMDR or exposure therapy or whatever, but I assure you its not. Why re-traumatize yourself when you don't have to?

[juniper1959]

OK, so I googled brain-spotting vs emdr. I see they both use bi-lateral stimulation, but I actually am having a hard time understanding why one would be better than the other in a situation or even what the real difference is (except for the eye movements). My therapist referred me to an EMDR therapist awhile back, but she was not a good match for me and I could not tolerate the eye movements. So then I decided to try the brain-spotting. This experience has not affected my day-to-day functioning, btw. I was just wondering if anyone had ever tried this and what happened.