my day so far

I feel sad and upset, I have anxiety and I'd really like to lay down all day. In general I feel awful in the mornings and then about 3 or so my energy starts to come up and it feels like I can do things. Other times that doesn't happen.

I'm not able to cry and I think I'd feel much better if I could just cry when I feel this way. It would let the emotions out rather than having them all mixed up together inside. I don't seem to have any control over them and I get down on myself because I think I ought to be able to manage them. I blame myself for feeling the way I do.

I just joined the board yesterday. I often go read different forums when I can't handle what I feel. There are so many other people who feel these things and it helps me to know I'm not the only one. Sometimes that really calms me down.
I've had about 3 weeks of depression and anxiety and it wears me out. I've gotten used to having a few mostly good days in the last few months and when the depression and anxiety starts again it's so discouraging. If I had 3 or 4 mostly good days and then 3 or 4 awful days I think I could handle it but it seems the backlash of bad days lasts so much longer than the better days. And I have no idea how long it will last.

I have CPTSD. I just joined the forums yesterday and after reading the replies people sent me just now I'm happy I did. It really helps!

Hi LoveMyCats, welcome to the PC and the PTSD forums. I am sorry you are having so many challenging days, I have experienced this myself so I know what you are discribing.
Are you working with a therapist?

Yes, it is good to read how others do struggle and to know you are not alone. I think knowing one is not alone does bring a sense of relief and help one not panic and feed into it when having a bad day.

((Welcoming Hugs))
OE

Welcome LoveMyCats to the forum!

Open Eyes,
Yes I've had a therapist for a long time and many different therapists in the past. I have a psychiatrist. I've been dealing with all of this stuff all my life. In the last year or so I've had good days happen more regularly. The ups and downs are tiring and I have no idea from day to day how I'll feel. I hope to learn to be more consistent emotionally in the next year.

It was about 2 years ago that my therapist and I talked about CPTSD. I'd never felt sure about what I had. It seemed like I had a little bit of everything. I've read where people with CPTSD often get lots of different diagnoses. CPTSD makes sense to me.

I've been on lots of meds and am not sure what if anything helped. Anxiety meds have helped. I have low moods but it doesn't seem like I have real depression as much as I did in the early years. I still have depressive thinking.

I've tried many, many things like other people. It seems like CPTSD has so many different components it just takes a long time to deal with it.

I'm interested in hearing what others have gone through and what they've tried. Thanks for responding to me. I'm trying to learn how to use the boards. This is a great place. There are lots of people here and lots of resources. Hope you're having a good day.
LoveMyCats

Yes, when cptsd is present it really does take time to work through it. One has to make sure they are "patient" with self too. Sometimes it does take time to figure out a low and why too, it will come and again patience is key in doing your best to let it come forward so you can acknowledge it and talk about it as much as you need to until you can finally get it settled in your mind so it isn't so hard on you.

November and Thanksgiving is a bad time for me. I definitely have strange lows and have to be patient with them. For myself with what I experienced I had finally lost a battle I had been dealing with in saving one of my ponies and I was in a sea of so many injured that I ended up having a post traumatic stress beakdown. I ended up in a psych ward and that only traumatized me even more and my family treated me terribly when I really could not help it nor understand "why" I was in such bad condition, did not know what post traumatic stress was, only I could not stop shaking. It was even worse knowing for me because it's harder to look back and remember how badly I had been treated in such bad condition that was not my fault. I was there over Thanksgiving and none of my family called or came to see me either. So I know how alone and confusing it can be.

One of the nicest things that happened to me this year is having someone here remember how this is a hard time of year for me and offered to be there for me if I needed someone. That is just so nice to have someone remember that way that understands the challenge. My family still doesn't realize it and I often hide and just cry alone.

One day at a time, healing takes time, "patience and self care" is a very important part of the healing process.

I'm really sorry to hear about your ponies. Several of my cats died in 2012. They each just suddenly got sick so it was unexpected.

Ptsd is hard to deal with and understand and it's hard for other people to understand. I'm sorry your family isn't being helpful. It's good someone offered to be there for you. I hope the day goes well for you.

It helps to have others that understand how challenging it is. I finally found a good therapist that has been a tremendous help and really validated me in how I dealt with so many things that were about "other peoples" issues and not mine. It really helps when the right kind of therapist is working with you while you are trying to work through whatever history is there that ended up with this condition called complex PTSD.

Welcome, LoveMyCats. I lost my cats to re-homing when I lost my house. So very sorry to hear about your cats.

Juniper1959,
I'm so sorry you lost your cats and your house. I hope they found a good home and that you have found somewhere nice to live.