[elissa85]

I'm a 17 year old female and ever since I can remember I have always felt uncomfortable around men.. I think I may have been molested as a child & I need some help to piece together & to know I'm not crazy.
I remember one night in a particular when I was 7 I was at a party with parents at their friends house. I remember there was so many people there, I remember what the house looked like, I remember playing with the other children. All this is weird cause most of my childhood memories seem to be blocked from my memory. I remember that night 3 things happening; a man standing over me angry, I remember being in a dark room crying, & I remember a little girl telling me that we aren't supposed to wear panties to bed cause that's what her daddy said. Her dad was the host of the party and he's the man I remember seeing being angry with me. I don't know what happened that night but that night is so vivid in my memory, something significant had to happen right? I talked to my cousin and he said that strangely that night is vivid to him too.
This was around time that I became very withdrawn & would be the time that my life started spiraling down hill. I'd find myself crying cause I honestly felt like men were always looking at me sexually. I remember from that young age wanting to look pretty for guys, older guys. At this age I started to get very addicted to sexual things.. Porn & masturbation..incest & the thought of rape turned me. I felt so dirty fm for this, I still do. This is very hard to talk about because I was raised in a christian home where none of this is acceptable. I was an outgoing kid until around this time.. Then I became isolated & fell into a deep depression. It was until a few years ago that I felt like something had happened when I was little to make me so depressed, that made me feel so dirty & scared. I started cutting and getting in trouble in school. I've seen therapists for my depression and I've been on medicine for it .. But I still feel lost. In trying to get to the root of my problems so I can finally heal and maybe one day be in a healthy relationship. I can't talk to my therapist about this because she's friends with my parents. It wasn't until a few months ago that all these memories started coming back. I can remember time and time again of being scared in front of guys. & I keep having nightmares of the angry mans face...

I won't say anything cause I don't want to accuse anybody.. Am I just trying to find something to blame on my fear of men & my depression ? Or do you think something actually could have happened

[RavensPOE]

Originally Posted by elissa85

I'm a 17 year old female and ever since I can remember I have always felt uncomfortable around men.. I think I may have been molested as a child & I need some help to piece together & to know I'm not crazy.
I remember one night in a particular when I was 7 I was at a party with parents at their friends house. I remember there was so many people there, I remember what the house looked like, I remember playing with the other children. All this is weird cause most of my childhood memories seem to be blocked from my memory. I remember that night 3 things happening; a man standing over me angry, I remember being in a dark room crying, & I remember a little girl telling me that we aren't supposed to wear panties to bed cause that's what her daddy said. Her dad was the host of the party and he's the man I remember seeing being angry with me. I don't know what happened that night but that night is so vivid in my memory, something significant had to happen right? I talked to my cousin and he said that strangely that night is vivid to him too.
This was around time that I became very withdrawn & would be the time that my life started spiraling down hill. I'd find myself crying cause I honestly felt like men were always looking at me sexually. I remember from that young age wanting to look pretty for guys, older guys. At this age I started to get very addicted to sexual things.. Porn & masturbation..incest & the thought of rape turned me. I felt so dirty fm for this, I still do. This is very hard to talk about because I was raised in a christian home where none of this is acceptable. I was an outgoing kid until around this time.. Then I became isolated & fell into a deep depression. It was until a few years ago that I felt like something had happened when I was little to make me so depressed, that made me feel so dirty & scared. I started cutting and getting in trouble in school. I've seen therapists for my depression and I've been on medicine for it .. But I still feel lost. In trying to get to the root of my problems so I can finally heal and maybe one day be in a healthy relationship. I can't talk to my therapist about this because she's friends with my parents. It wasn't until a few months ago that all these memories started coming back. I can remember time and time again of being scared in front of guys. & I keep having nightmares of the angry mans face...

I won't say anything cause I don't want to accuse anybody.. Am I just trying to find something to blame on my fear of men & my depression ? Or do you think something actually could have happened

I was molested and raped from ages 3-10.
Three years later (at age 13) I began having Holocaust nightmares.
Many of which, I am either being raped by the Third Reich
or I am watching them rape other young children.

I starting going to therapists before high school was out.
I am now in my 40's.
All of them I went to were women.
I never got any better--all they wanted to do was tell me how
men think and act.

A few years ago someone was reading my Holocaust blog
& asked me if I had ever tried therapy with a therapist
who has the same faith/ religion/ spiritual views/ beliefs
as I do.

I decided to give it a try.
I have been in therapy for approximately 1.5 years now
with my Rabbi who is also a licensed therapist.

He is the only therapist who has been
1. Able to get my nightmares to stop
2. Able to get me to open up and honestly talk to him about
what happened to me as a child
3. Helps me heal and feel closer to God

Also, because he is a man--I am starting to learn to trust
again in regard to the opposite sex.

You shouldn't be afraid to talk to your therapist.
If you feel that way--it is time to search for a better one.

[spring2014]

wow elissa!!!! I feel for you hun. I was molested by my dad four years ago while I was going to school for my associate of arts degree .my mom died the year before I was molested by my dad . then after I graduated from college , my dad died four months after I graduated from college . I started to going to counseling last year and my therapist diagnosed me w anxiety and depression. then she asked if I wanted to a psychological evaluation .I told her yes cuz my family wanted me to do a psychological evaluation.when she got the results of my psychological evaluation she found out that I was suffering from not only anxiety and depression also PTSD too. my therapist and I worked on my PTSD first .she made do a dual awareness exercise in the office in which I pretend that my dad was in the room and I got mad at him for doing this despicable act to me . that was after I visited my dad's grave and got mad at him for what he had done to me . this was before Christmas and before I had my car accident in January .I needed to release my feelings about what my dad did to me four years ago .

[nicoleflynn]

Your therapist is required to keep anything you (or any client) says in strictest confidence. YOu can't get help with this, unless you tell her.