I posted this on the DID forum, but am asking to delete my account tonight and there doesn't seem to be any activity in the DID forum. Was thinking maybe people in the PTSD forum might relate or understand this craziness and be able to help before my account is gone.

Here is a copy of the post in DID:

Ok, I have a question I have been holding for a while because I don't want it out there,,, but I am going to cancel my account tonight so I want to see if anyone can help before I do it.

I have been diagnosed with ptsd, but do disassociate in relation to stressful situations making the world seem to go away into a fog... I am SOOOO uncertain about other things regarding whether I have multiples or just ‘regress’ a lot. I can’t find much about regression, but I spontaneously feel like a very young child (sometimes just during my extreme fear moments, sometimes when I have a slight hurt either physical or emotional, and sometimes for no reason I can find). When I say I feel young, sometimes it is so extreme I use pillows to feel like I am in a crib to feel better. I also notice what some mention about feeling this childlike ‘thing’ inside even when I don’t actually have that young regressed feeling. I can’t say I feel like I have multiple people inside me though. I do feel like I ‘talk to myself’ but who doesnt. I do yell at that whiney kid in there though and tell it to snap out of it. . I don’t know what is normal for people, what might be regression moments, or how to tell if this is did (mpd) and I am just realizing it.

Any insight would be sooo helpful because it is so unclear to me right now

[Open Eyes]

Hi It12345, well, I can't tell you for sure because I am not a professional. However, it is not unusual if someone struggles with complex PTSD and has trauma's, even many small ones from their childhood, that person can experience emotional flashbacks and really "feel" that child they were at the time.

For myself, I developed PTSD after being overwhelmed with a lot of loss, something I had never imagined experiencing. All of my flashbacks, night terrors and other post traumatic symptoms were about what I had lost at first. I was further traumatized from the time I had spent in a psych ward, every therapist/psychiatrist since then has told me that was the wrong place for me to go, with what I know now, I can totally agree. I had trauma chills really bad while in that psych ward, my older sister came to see me and insisted I was wrong for struggling and that I had better get my act together, put my big girl panties on and SNAP OUT OF IT, or I would lose everything. Actually everyone was angry, today is Thanksgiving, a very difficult holiday for me because I was in that place during Thanksgiving with some very disturbed individuals and no one in my family came to see me. My older sister would not let my parents come visit me, and I really needed them, they would have NEVER let me stay in that place.

I have a hard time being around my older sister, even hearing her voice can trigger me and I get those same bad chills, I have been having them bad for several days not, I get them at night, they wake me up a few times during the night. I have to keep a heating pad on and a hair dryer next to my bed because I learned that if I blow the heat on myself for a little while it helps the body memory of the trauma chills ease up so I can sleep again.

I began having flashbacks of when I was much younger, that surprised me. And I also have emotional flashbacks too. My sister can trigger these too. I feel the age I was, actually I can feel every age. I had a bad stretch where I was having flashbacks and all I knew is I was in my crib. I do not have multiple personality disorder, but I do feel different ages.

Our brains remember a lot more than we realize, I have been amazed at what I have remembered, remember in a way that I did not even think one could remember. I defnitely FEEL the emotions, just as I did as a child, in a "I am that child". I think everyone has that, however, most people are not as in touch with it as someone who has been affected by PTSD. PTSD brings about a kind of sensitivity that unless one experiences it first hand, they don't understand this sensitivity. The individual is "hyper aware" with PTSD in a way that most don't experience. However, it is our body's way of reacting to "threat or trauma", actually animals have this too.

If you were spend time in this forum, maybe read through the complex PTSD threads and read different thread in the Victims of Abuse forum, you would read how different individuals struggle with a sensitivity that they don't quite understand. Many find it extremely uncomfortable to be around others who abused them in some way, often talk about avoiding places that remind them of the environment they were abused in too.

I know the fog you are discribing too, I think it's just my brain's way of trying to find a calm tbh.

Are you seeing a therapist? Having a therapist who specializes in PTSD and complex PTSD can be very helpful because talking through one's past can help one put these pieces together, get validated for the challenge, and slowly understand "self" better.

Hope that helps. You may want to rethink canceling your account. Often just taking time outs and reading the input of others can be very educational.

((Hugs))

Thanks OpenEyes...

First, yes I do have a t. We are working weekly right now and I did tell him some about the young child feeling. He said a lot of what you said. I have read a lot here and on the internet, but really couldn't find where anyone mentioned flashbacks like this unless it was in re-experiencing the traumas itself. Mine can be a fear/terror feeling and be triggered by something, but at other times I also feel like a young child in a very excited/happy way (I never really have happy at any other time except those short times I have the young feeling).

Maybe this is all it is. I just couldn't find it discussed anywhere that I could relate it to myself.

Thanks for the insight and just fyi,, I am only deleting my account because of a mess I made and am going to create a new one and start over. I am not going to share as many details as I have in the past, but am going to keep coming here. You guys are a wonderful help.