[DesigningWoman]

I think I posted here that I have been very scared/ dreading this week. My therapist J is gone on vacation, part of last week and all of this one. I have been seeing her twice a week, every week for over a month now. Before that I was going once a week. She is almost always available by phone, even after hours. (No wonder she needs a vacation!)

I was terrified of going cold turkey. I know I am way too dependent on her. She has brought it up. On the right meds and some therapy work, I no longer feel desperate enough to need to call her after hours. I am going back to once a week appointments next week.

Still the very thought of this week made it hard to breathe. I am more than halfway through her vacation and I am doing pretty well. I am really surprised at myself. I dealt with several very triggering possible experiences. I talked some of it out with a family member and thought them out myself. Then I dealt with them. I went on a mini four day vacation, using a day I normally use for appointments.

J says it doesn't matter if she is proud of me or not. That I don't need external validation. So, I am very proud of me.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I saw a Therapist every day for awhile and my Pdoc once per week.
I figured it was cheaper than ip.

[Open Eyes]

Oh ((DesigningWoman)) how wonderful that you have been seeing a T that is so available like that. People who have no understanding of PTSD can't understand how much of a challenge it really is, how out of touch one feels with themself and it's actually scarey. It's definitely such a comfort to be able to spend time with someone who is understanding and knowledgable and patient.

I can understand how not having that individual that one gets so used to grounding them can be stressful. However, it's also important you do have some time outs so you can realize how you have improved in managing by yourself and thinking about the skills you have been learning as well as the supportive things your therapist has said to you. Also, a time out gives one a chance to notice their weak areas and what I did was use that time to come up with questions for when I was able to see my T again.

Part of the recovery/healing/gaining on managing is in practicing and doing because that is how we learn ((DW)). Trauma does take something and it can take time to figure out what is taken and then work towards rebuilding.

Good for you that you have been managing so far, not much time left before you can resume therapy and perhaps talk about whatever areas you struggled with while on your own.