[ChavInAHat]

I can't use the trigger warning thing on my phone

Sometimes I don't know where to post on these boards because things can come under more than one thing- so I've posted this in two places

Growing up was tough- my mother was very physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful- but only to me out of the 3 of us. (I also suffered CSA outside of the family which contributes to my PTSD)

Last week I was diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder.

Today I saw my T. We discussed the diagnosis more, and about my mother.
Not that being abused makes any sense- because it doesn't- it is illogical and immoral- but we came to the conclusion it is probable that the reason I was singled out was because I was/am different. It is the only explanation for why it was just me- because I am the only one who is autistic.

My brother spoke to my mother before my assessment and wrote an email to the assessor- he said that I was often blamed for things that weren't my fault because my mother mistook my lack of eye contact for dishonesty.
So I was beaten for 'lying'.

I was easily frustrated as a child which my mother met with rage and physical violence.

I found the session really hard today. It was hard not knowing why she did it- but it seems worse somehow for it to be because of a condition I was born with and that I can't help.

My ASD lead to abuse which lead to PTSD.



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[phoenix7]

abusers are sick - mentally sick - they single out someone for any reason they can - if you didn't make eye contact that would be it - if you did that could be it
if you didn't eat enough that could be it -

they pick a reason any reason - and if there isn't one they will make it up

my dad would feed three of us kids and let the others watch because they didn't deserve food - I don't remember - maybe I was inside then

sexual assault is the same they pic someone they can manipulate to believe its their fault - its not - its the abusers - they are sick

they are supposed to protect and they harm instead - sometimes because it was don'e to them ... that's no excuse I was abused I havnt abused anyone....

I think - just my opinion she would have found another reason - to single a child out - that's what they do

Itried to understand the thing that cannot be understood to - the what didi do

the truth is it doesn't matter - they did what they did because they are sick

it was not and is not your fault

more to do with their demons than you -

I am so sorry for what you have been through an so happy you are getting help

please take good care of you

P7

[SlayGuy138]

I was diagnosed with Asperger's, plus my own mother committed absolutely heinous acts of abuse against me (not just because of my Asperger's, but that was one of the reasons). I empathize completely with you. No one deserves to grow up in such horrendous circumstances, and for aspies it's even more vital that they get the basic understanding and compassion that others take for granted. Instead of comforting me when I cried, my mother laughed at my suffering. When all I wanted was a hug from her, she slapped me across the face and beat me senseless. When I cried out for help, she called the pigs on me and had me arrested for things I didn't do.

Pardon me for making it about myself. I don't know the exact circumstances of your situation, but whatever they were, you did nothing to deserve any of it. Growing up in this kind of household and having it be all you know can seriously harm your mind. If you can get the metaphor, it seems as if you are let out of the starting gate with an debilitating injury, yet expected to preform just as well as someone who's fine. You have every right to be easily frustrated like you said.

I strongly suggest that you discuss your feelings with your therapist, and also discuss what your options are for healing from the past. Ask about any social programs and groups or whatever resources are available to you that you think you would benefit from. Also, I would be remiss if I didn't tell you to pay attention to your therapist if you feel that (s)he is patronizing you - invalidating your feelings or treating you like an some kind of incompetent. The very definition of their role is to help you, and if they don't listen to your voice then they are contradicting their own job description. I say that because in the past that happened to me, having to be a patient of a manipulative psychiatrist. You owe it to yourself to be in command of your own care so that doesn't happen. You deserve to be listened to.

In the mean time, take care of yourself. Lay low and do little things that are beneficial to you. Self-care is an underrated thing in life and important regardless who you are. I know that most aspies have very specific and passionate interests, so I recommend that you involve yourself in activities and research pertaining to whatever interest you might have to help make yourself feel comfortable. You deserve a positive environment that you can feel confident in, so that you're able to make efforts toward realizing whatever your ideals are for your life.

I hope that you can make sense of my long and rambling post, and can extract at least some information out of it that you might find valuable.

[ChavInAHat]

Originally Posted by SlayGuy138

I was diagnosed with Asperger's, plus my own mother committed absolutely heinous acts of abuse against me (not just because of my Asperger's, but that was one of the reasons). I empathize completely with you. No one deserves to grow up in such horrendous circumstances, and for aspies it's even more vital that they get the basic understanding and compassion that others take for granted. Instead of comforting me when I cried, my mother laughed at my suffering. When all I wanted was a hug from her, she slapped me across the face and beat me senseless. When I cried out for help, she called the pigs on me and had me arrested for things I didn't do.

Pardon me for making it about myself. I don't know the exact circumstances of your situation, but whatever they were, you did nothing to deserve any of it. Growing up in this kind of household and having it be all you know can seriously harm your mind. If you can get the metaphor, it seems as if you are let out of the starting gate with an debilitating injury, yet expected to preform just as well as someone who's fine. You have every right to be easily frustrated like you said.

I strongly suggest that you discuss your feelings with your therapist, and also discuss what your options are for healing from the past. Ask about any social programs and groups or whatever resources are available to you that you think you would benefit from. Also, I would be remiss if I didn't tell you to pay attention to your therapist if you feel that (s)he is patronizing you - invalidating your feelings or treating you like an some kind of incompetent. The very definition of their role is to help you, and if they don't listen to your voice then they are contradicting their own job description. I say that because in the past that happened to me, having to be a patient of a manipulative psychiatrist. You owe it to yourself to be in command of your own care so that doesn't happen. You deserve to be listened to.

In the mean time, take care of yourself. Lay low and do little things that are beneficial to you. Self-care is an underrated thing in life and important regardless who you are. I know that most aspies have very specific and passionate interests, so I recommend that you involve yourself in activities and research pertaining to whatever interest you might have to help make yourself feel comfortable. You deserve a positive environment that you can feel confident in, so that you're able to make efforts toward realizing whatever your ideals are for your life.

I hope that you can make sense of my long and rambling post, and can extract at least some information out of it that you might find valuable.

Thanks for replying...

Sorry to hear you were also abused in part for being aspie.

This is the problem... I struggle to explain how I feel to my T. She is great, she doesn't patronise me, actually it is the opposite. She asks me how I feel and I can't answer. We have spoken about this but I don't think she understands that I just don't have names for the feelings that I have.

I am struggling to really connect to my special interest at the moment because I am struggling with flashbacks and that is interrupting my enjoyment.

I feel pretty crappy about it all at the moment.



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[SlayGuy138]

That's good to hear about your therapist. I'm glad to hear that you're in good care.

Unlike most aspies, I sort of have the opposite problem as you. I feel things very strongly, my emotions and thoughts hijack my mind. However, perhaps you should talk about how you can't give words to your feelings. That's definitely something you can bring up, and a point you should make clear. Tell her that you need help identifying your emotions, so that you can better describe them and she can give you the proper care you need. I imagine you aren't feeling very happy because of these occurrences, so you can eliminate that option off the list. There are plenty of kinds of crappy - angry, sad, disappointed, maybe a couple at the same time. Confused is a valid one too.

Also bring up how the flashbacks interfere with your normal hobbies and / or passions. That's a very telling sign that your mental troubles are affecting your life. I hope that you make the connection in communicating with your therapist, and in doing so, make a breakthrough in your own recovery.