[TryingToMoveForward]

It was an interesting experience. Kind of startling. But by the second time I was doing it, I felt like my memory wasn't real. Like I was making it up. Like it wasn't real...I'm worried this was dissociation. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't believe this was happening...or had happened. But if I conjured this, why does it have such a hold over my life? Can a fabricated memory do this to you?

I felt panicked most of the time. Teary eyed. Confused. Because as a child I was confused and didn't understand what was happening.

Today I was off...after therapy I went to work. Despite drinking a Monster energy drink, I was spaced out and tired. Like...no buzz whatsoever. Red Bulls make me fly. So I'm drinking Pepsi, not to stay awake, but because it comforts me and takes off the edge. I can't drink alcohol, so I self-medicate with Pepsi.

Yup. Still out of it.

[bunnifoo]

I did a session of EDMR but it wasn't... right for me I guess. I felt really fragile and spacey afterwards even though the therapist ended up hitting on the emotions AFTER we stopped doing the EDMR. Or maybe she stopped right as we were getting to stuff. I know I've felt like that with a different type of therapy (my term is "therapy hangover" sometimes it lasts until the next day) and I usually take a nap or go to bed as soon as I can to help recover from it.

[TryingToMoveForward]

Therapy hangover is definitely the perfect term for it. I'm going to stick with this, even though I want to run. And he told me I could quit at any time and never do this again. I'm in control. But during the whole thing I just wanted to get up and run. Apparently that is extremely normal and you're weird if you don't get that impulse. LOL.

What happened is real. I know...because I remember reoccurring nightmares. I'm not making it up. Its unbelievable. But it happened. My therapist sort of knows what occurred, in general, no details. And he told me I don't need to go into details unless I really want to. I don't have to tell him anything really. Which is probably the easiest part and such a relief.

What I do know, is that if I don't get through my PTSD, I'm not going to live a normal happy life. And it could kill me.

What kind of treatment did you pursue after stopping EMDR?

[lostinsidemyself]

Originally Posted by TryingToMoveForward

It was an interesting experience. Kind of startling. But by the second time I was doing it, I felt like my memory wasn't real. Like I was making it up. Like it wasn't real...I'm worried this was dissociation. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't believe this was happening...or had happened. But if I conjured this, why does it have such a hold over my life? Can a fabricated memory do this to you?

I felt panicked most of the time. Teary eyed. Confused. Because as a child I was confused and didn't understand what was happening.

Today I was off...after therapy I went to work. Despite drinking a Monster energy drink, I was spaced out and tired. Like...no buzz whatsoever. Red Bulls make me fly. So I'm drinking Pepsi, not to stay awake, but because it comforts me and takes off the edge. I can't drink alcohol, so I self-medicate with Pepsi.

Yup. Still out of it.

I was also out of it after my first, and so far only, EMDR session. From what I gather from another site i belong to, its not unusual to feel this way after.

My first and only one, i heard my mom's voice like she was in the room, had a flashback, jumped completely over the chair, curled in the corner screaming "dont hurt me" my therapist got me simi-ok again; enough where i could/would be safe driving home but was "off" for a few days after.

It was all too tightly packed then (about a year ago, maybe more) and he plans to do it again soon. It terrifies me to go back to it!

[TryingToMoveForward]

I felt the impulse to jump out of the chair, but fortunately I didn't relive what had happened. We're not supposed to relive...but...Its going to be a challenging therapy for you, I think, but if you can get through it, it might prove worth while. I certainly hope so.

[bunnifoo]

I didn't feel anything. I remembered some things but mostly I couldn't concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing, or I would start to remember stuff and stop following her fingers and have to go back to following and then start thinking "follow her fingers". She switched to tapping on my knees but that was the end of it. Probably some of it is my fault, I wasn't clear enough that the memories she wanted to start with I have pretty locked down in terms of emotions. I started to feel stuff after but I don't think it's the right therapy type for me.

[TryingToMoveForward]

There's nothing wrong with that. No shame whatsoever. There are other types of therapy that work effectively too.

[pattijane]

Originally Posted by TryingToMoveForward

It was an interesting experience. Kind of startling. But by the second time I was doing it, I felt like my memory wasn't real. Like I was making it up. Like it wasn't real...I'm worried this was dissociation. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't believe this was happening...or had happened. But if I conjured this, why does it have such a hold over my life? Can a fabricated memory do this to you?

I felt panicked most of the time. Teary eyed. Confused. Because as a child I was confused and didn't understand what was happening.

Today I was off...after therapy I went to work. Despite drinking a Monster energy drink, I was spaced out and tired. Like...no buzz whatsoever. Red Bulls make me fly. So I'm drinking Pepsi, not to stay awake, but because it comforts me and takes off the edge. I can't drink alcohol, so I self-medicate with Pepsi.

Yup. Still out of it.

As a recently retired psychologist, I used EMDR therapy as my primary psychotherapy treatment and I've also personally had EMDR therapy for anxiety, panic, grief, and “small t” trauma. As a client, EMDR worked extremely well and also really fast. As an EMDR therapist, and in my (now retired) role as a facilitator who trained other therapists in EMDR therapy (certified by the EMDR International Association and trained by the EMDR Institute, both of which I strongly recommend in an EMDR therapist) I have used EMDR therapy successfully with panic disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, grief, body image, phobias, distressing memories, bad dreams, and many other problems. It's a very gentle method with no significant "down-side" so that in the hands of a professional EMDR therapist, there should be no freak-outs or worsening of day-to-day functioning.

EMDR therapy is considered a first-line treatment for trauma by organizations such as ISTSS (International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies), the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the Department of Veteran Affairs, the Department of Defense, the Departments of Health in Northern Ireland, UK, Israel, the Netherlands, France, and other countries and organizations. There are 35 randomized controlled (and 20 nonrandomized) studies that have been conducted on EMDR therapy in the treatment of trauma to date. A randomized controlled study is the gold standard for evidence-based therapy, and for any research. And more excellent research now on the role of eye movements, mechanism of action, and other Randomized Controlled Studies, not only on trauma and PTSD, but also on the use of EMDR therapy with generalized anxiety disorder, treatment of distressful experiences that fail to meet the criteria for PTSD, dental phobia, depression, body dysmorphic disorder, chronic phantom limb pain, panic disorder with agoraphobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and peer verbal abuse.

The World Health Organization published Guidelines for the management of conditions that are specifically related to stress: Trauma-focused CBT and EMDR are the only therapies recommended for children, adolescents and adults with PTSD. "Like CBT with a trauma focus, EMDR therapy aims to reduce subjective distress and strengthen adaptive cognitions related to the traumatic event. Unlike CBT with a trauma focus, EMDR does not involve (a) detailed descriptions of the event, (b) direct challenging of beliefs, (c) extended exposure, or (d) homework." (Geneva, WHO, 2013)

One of the initial EMDR therapy phases (Phase 2) involves preparing for memory processing or desensitization (memory processing or desensitization - phases 3-6 - is often what is referred to as "EMDR" which is actually an 8-phase method of psychotherapy). In this phase resources are "front-loaded" so that you have a "floor" or "container" to help with processing the really hard stuff, as well as creating strategies if you're triggered in everyday life. In Phase 2 you learn a lot of great coping strategies and self-soothing techniques which you can use during EMDR processing or anytime you feel the need. And it sounds like you could use more time in this phase!!

In phase 2 you learn how to access a “Safe or Calm Place” which you can use at ANY TIME during EMDR processing (or on your own) if it feels scary, or too emotional, too intense. One of the key assets of EMDR therapy is that YOU, the client, are in control NOW, even though you weren’t in the past, during traumatic events. You NEVER need re-live an experience or go into great detail, ever! You NEVER need to go through the entire memory. YOU can decide to keep the lights (or the alternating sounds and/or tactile pulsars, or the waving hand, or any method of bilateral stimulation that feels okay to you) going, or stop them, whichever helps titrate – measure and adjust the balance or “dose“ of the processing. During EMDR processing there are regular “breaks” and you can control when and how many but the therapist should be stopping the bilateral stimulation every 25-50 passes of the lights to ask you to take a deep breath and say just a bit of what you’re noticing, anything different, any changes. The breaks help keep a “foot in the present” while you’re processing the past. Again, and I can’t say this enough, YOU ARE IN CHARGE so YOU can make the process tolerable. And your therapist should be experienced in the EMDR therapy techniques that help make it the gentlest and safest way to detoxify bad life experiences and build resources.

Grounding exercises are essential. You can use some of the techniques in Dr. Shapiro's new book "Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR." Dr. Shapiro is the founder/creator of EMDR but all the proceeds from the book go to two charities: the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Program and the EMDR Research Foundation). The book is an easy read, helps you understand what's "pushing" your feelings and behavior, helps you connect the dots from past experiences to current life. Also gives lots of really helpful ways that are used during EMDR therapy to calm disturbing thoughts and feelings.

I can't say enough good things about EMDR therapy. It's changed my life both as a person/consumer, and as a therapist. It has been so satisfying to have someone come in for help and then to witness them get through their issues and finish therapy relatively quickly (compared to regular talk therapy, it's like night and day). I am both humbled by and grateful for this wonderful method that heals suffering.

[lostinsidemyself]

Originally Posted by pattijane

As a recently retired psychologist, I used EMDR therapy as my primary psychotherapy treatment and I've also personally had EMDR therapy for anxiety, panic, grief, and “small t” trauma. As a client, EMDR worked extremely well and also really fast. As an EMDR therapist, and in my (now retired) role as a facilitator who trained other therapists in EMDR therapy (certified by the EMDR International Association and trained by the EMDR Institute, both of which I strongly recommend in an EMDR therapist) I have used EMDR therapy successfully with panic disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, grief, body image, phobias, distressing memories, bad dreams, and many other problems. It's a very gentle method with no significant "down-side" so that in the hands of a professional EMDR therapist, there should be no freak-outs or worsening of day-to-day functioning.

EMDR therapy is considered a first-line treatment for trauma by organizations such as ISTSS (International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies), the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the Department of Veteran Affairs, the Department of Defense, the Departments of Health in Northern Ireland, UK, Israel, the Netherlands, France, and other countries and organizations. There are 35 randomized controlled (and 20 nonrandomized) studies that have been conducted on EMDR therapy in the treatment of trauma to date. A randomized controlled study is the gold standard for evidence-based therapy, and for any research. And more excellent research now on the role of eye movements, mechanism of action, and other Randomized Controlled Studies, not only on trauma and PTSD, but also on the use of EMDR therapy with generalized anxiety disorder, treatment of distressful experiences that fail to meet the criteria for PTSD, dental phobia, depression, body dysmorphic disorder, chronic phantom limb pain, panic disorder with agoraphobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and peer verbal abuse.

The World Health Organization published Guidelines for the management of conditions that are specifically related to stress: Trauma-focused CBT and EMDR are the only therapies recommended for children, adolescents and adults with PTSD. "Like CBT with a trauma focus, EMDR therapy aims to reduce subjective distress and strengthen adaptive cognitions related to the traumatic event. Unlike CBT with a trauma focus, EMDR does not involve (a) detailed descriptions of the event, (b) direct challenging of beliefs, (c) extended exposure, or (d) homework." (Geneva, WHO, 2013)

One of the initial EMDR therapy phases (Phase 2) involves preparing for memory processing or desensitization (memory processing or desensitization - phases 3-6 - is often what is referred to as "EMDR" which is actually an 8-phase method of psychotherapy). In this phase resources are "front-loaded" so that you have a "floor" or "container" to help with processing the really hard stuff, as well as creating strategies if you're triggered in everyday life. In Phase 2 you learn a lot of great coping strategies and self-soothing techniques which you can use during EMDR processing or anytime you feel the need. And it sounds like you could use more time in this phase!!

In phase 2 you learn how to access a “Safe or Calm Place” which you can use at ANY TIME during EMDR processing (or on your own) if it feels scary, or too emotional, too intense. One of the key assets of EMDR therapy is that YOU, the client, are in control NOW, even though you weren’t in the past, during traumatic events. You NEVER need re-live an experience or go into great detail, ever! You NEVER need to go through the entire memory. YOU can decide to keep the lights (or the alternating sounds and/or tactile pulsars, or the waving hand, or any method of bilateral stimulation that feels okay to you) going, or stop them, whichever helps titrate – measure and adjust the balance or “dose“ of the processing. During EMDR processing there are regular “breaks” and you can control when and how many but the therapist should be stopping the bilateral stimulation every 25-50 passes of the lights to ask you to take a deep breath and say just a bit of what you’re noticing, anything different, any changes. The breaks help keep a “foot in the present” while you’re processing the past. Again, and I can’t say this enough, YOU ARE IN CHARGE so YOU can make the process tolerable. And your therapist should be experienced in the EMDR therapy techniques that help make it the gentlest and safest way to detoxify bad life experiences and build resources.

Grounding exercises are essential. You can use some of the techniques in Dr. Shapiro's new book "Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR." Dr. Shapiro is the founder/creator of EMDR but all the proceeds from the book go to two charities: the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Program and the EMDR Research Foundation). The book is an easy read, helps you understand what's "pushing" your feelings and behavior, helps you connect the dots from past experiences to current life. Also gives lots of really helpful ways that are used during EMDR therapy to calm disturbing thoughts and feelings.

I can't say enough good things about EMDR therapy. It's changed my life both as a person/consumer, and as a therapist. It has been so satisfying to have someone come in for help and then to witness them get through their issues and finish therapy relatively quickly (compared to regular talk therapy, it's like night and day). I am both humbled by and grateful for this wonderful method that heals suffering.

All of that being said, doing it again terrifies the blank out of me due to what happened when we did it the first time. My therapist had said it was all too 'tightly packed' and will be better now after its 'loosened up' but still terrifies me.

Any idea on how one can "unbrainwash' themselves and stop believing what the cult said about them and stop holding onto it like if you let go of it you are gonna fall completely apart & the world will end?

Wish the rational side of my brain that sees its not rational can also teach watchever side that refuses to let go of it...