[sriracha]

Hey all,
I thought this would be a good place to ask about hyper-arousal since it’s a common symptom of PTSD. I suffer from chronic “fight or flight response” (as one article I read put it), and it’s making me kind of miserable. I get to the point I feel the need to defend myself at any cost, and I’m constantly looking for verbal/social danger in what people close to me say, even when they try and help. (Don’t get me started about when I’m around someone who makes offensive comments or jokes!) I live with my bf and I scan what he says for nuances of disrespect, denial, contempt, misinformation, etc. and have a hard time letting him get close. Partly this is due to how other people in my life, such as certain friends and family members have treated me (physical violence, emotional/psychological abuse, rape, victim-blame, etc.), because I don’t really have anyone else who is supportive. I’m also sensitive to what’s going on socially and politically in the U.S. (my country) and the world with different types of violence, prejudice, oppression and other forms of injustice.

Basically, I feel irritable/cynical a lot, or I feel sometimes unnaturally happy when I get a positive moment, but it’s unnerving because it could come crashing down at any second. My “flight”/anxiety causes me to feel like the walls are closing in, and I have literally braced myself in a doorway or huddled in my closet like there’s an earthquake or something. (Totally insane, right?) I’ve had episodes of derealization from it as well, which are not as hard to tolerate but make concentrating difficult, or prevent me from sleeping. Meditation isn’t for me, but I’ve tried the guided relaxation stuff on Youtube and apps, taken warm baths with good reading material, gone for walks in the woods or at the beach in the sun, cuddled my cat, baked cookies, made art projects and all kinds of other fun and relaxing things with less success recently. It’s not like I don’t want to help myself, but sometimes I just feel beaten down and stuck.

I see my therapist again tomorrow, but I wanted to ask about how other people get through their hyper-arousal. Sometimes I feel like the literature about this stuff is written by people who know about PTSD but haven’t experienced it, and so things like “progressive muscle relaxation” or “deep breathing” fall short. I mean if that stuff works for you then awesome, but for some of us it’s like trying to put out a fire with an eye-dropper. I guess what I’m asking about are specific things that help you all (who understand trauma first-hand), what has been successful in helping you chill the f out and think rationally instead of going zero/60 in a millisecond if you experience chronic hyper-arousal like me? Thanks!

Peace,
Sriracha

P.S. Sorry for the length.

[LittleLeah]

I'm struggling with this as well. I know what you mean about always looking for signs in other people to see if they might be someone who will hurt me. For me it's especially prevalent when I'm around men in authority. Even when I know them really well and rationally know they are safe I still have a hard time. Things like understanding what they are saying, talking/speaking up to them, or even getting jokes. For a long time I thought I was just stupid. But then after talking things over with my husband I realized it's because I'm distracted with analyzing them for any possibility that they might hurt me.

I also understand your analogy for putting out a fire with an eye-dropper. That's a huge part of why I dislike DBT so much. It's helpful with the usual depression and anxiety but it does absolutely nothing for me when it comes to PTSD. My husband and I have discovered that ice packs help me a lot. I don't even wrap them like you're supposed to. I just hold that freezing thing right on my chest, the skin if at all possible. It starts to hurt after a bit but I find it really grounding. Especially because I start getting overheated and I feel like my clothes are clinging to me. I also start feeling trapped and all of this creates a worsening spiral.

The hardest part that I haven't been able to figure out is how to cope with hyperarousal out in public. I've tried the sensory grounding technique where you identify what you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. If I'm able to, I usually go find the restroom, go into a stall, shut my eyes, plug my ears and try to focus on my breathing. It gets really hard to focus sometimes. Someone once suggested keeping sour candy with you. It can add a sensory shock. Aromatherapy doesn't help me too much but it does for some people.

[TishaBuv]

You articulated it very well. I share the fight/flight and the sensitive to reading people's intentions/insults. I don't suffer any generalized anxiety about politics or anything, though.

I sure don't cope with it well, and unfortunately don't have good advice. But thanks for helping me by how well you stated it.

[Open Eyes]

Basically, I feel irritable/cynical a lot, or I feel sometimes unnaturally happy when I get a positive moment, but it’s unnerving because it could come crashing down at any second. My “flight”/anxiety causes me to feel like the walls are closing in, and I have literally braced myself in a doorway or huddled in my closet like there’s an earthquake or something. (Totally insane, right?) I’ve had episodes of derealization from it as well, which are not as hard to tolerate but make concentrating difficult, or prevent me from sleeping.

None of what you posted about how you are challenged is "insane" sriracha. As you can see already others can relate to the challenges you have including myself.

Actually, animals can experience the same challenges/symptoms. What set off my PTSD was that my neighbor's electric containment system that kept their dog from getting onto my property failed, they knew I did not want their dogs on my property. They did not immediately replace the containment system and let their dog out "free" when they noticed I was either not home, or late at night where it was dark and my house was dark which would mean I was sleeping. Their dog targeted all my horses and ponies by running them and scaring them which resulted in pretty much every one of them to suffer injuries, including choking and collic.

The result of them being traumatized is how they would be stuck in fight/flight too and ANYTHING that reminded them of how they were targeted and terrorized would trigger them into fear and stress, to the point where they would even SHAKE with fear and become distracted and more focused on what could happen, that they struggled to be calm, relaxed and even focus on the things I had been doing with them. Forget about them being able to stay outside at night, they ALL began getting restless and frightened as soon as it got dark. And, not only that but if they just saw my neighbor's dog it would set them off and become stressed and end up in "flight/fright". I had to find a way to put something up to block their ability of being able to see my neighbor's dog, something that NEVER bothered them before EVER. That fear that developed in them, that extreme sensitivity CHANGED my ability to do what I had done with them, spent years training them to do. Not to mention I had to address all kinds of injuries, a couple of them died, and a couple of them suffered injuries so bad that they could not be ridden or do the physical things that they were trained to do. What I used to do with them that made the SO SAFE, changed dramatically.

SO, the symptoms you have described doesn't mean you are "insane", instead you are genuinely affected by any situations that remind you of something that frightened you or hurt you or your sense of safety. And yes, sleeping IS a challenge because in order to sleep, a person needs to feel "safe". I had to put all of them in the barn at night where they felt "safe' and could rest and sleep. Also, for myself, unless they were in that barn, I could not feel SAFE to sleep.

I had a pony that was AMAZING that I took out to all different kinds of places with children. One time when I took him out and was with a group of children, the area I had to work in was small. They had an above ground pool, and a bouncy house and my pony had NO PROBLEM walking past them. I always made it a point to tell my customers NO DOGS AND NO BALLS. Unfortunately, this time even though I had asked that no one be in the pool splashing around that he had to walk by and there was an older boy I asked to please make sure that doesn't happen, this older boy decided to punch at a HUGE ball floating in the pool and that ball that he punched ended up hitting my pony in the head.

This pony did not see "how or why he was hit by this HUGE ball". It definitely completely frightened him. As a result he has CHANGED and I have noticed that while he did not understand where that ball came from, he definitely imprinted/remembered anything that was in that enviornment. So, now he is afraid of bouncy houses, and very afraid of pools AND very sensitive about his head on that side, so in effect I have a pony that is now CHANGED from that one event. I thought he would "forget", he did NOT.

I am telling you this because as human beings, while we are intelligent, truth is we are still animals and we also can experience a "change" to where we become more fearful and sensitive to reminders of situations, people, environments where we were hurt in some way, where our sense of SAFETY changed. That being said, as human beings, we are more complex in our ability to think, communicate, and imprint. Yes, like my ponies, human beings will remember the enviornments where something "hurt" them, not necessarily on a conscious level either. However, environmental "reminders" most definitely can present with "I am not safe here or with these people or this person, or when I have a need and try to talk about that need, or when I converse about certain things that became something that HURT me".

Also, when a person becomes "more sensitive" and begins to experience the symptoms of PTSD, that individual becomes CONFUSED, so the symptoms of PTSD in and of itself can become "triggering". "I am not only afraid of certain enviornments, but I am also afraid about how I can react to these certain enviornments that also catch me offguard and scare me or cause me to be upset, or even experience a flashback to where I feel like I am reliving something that "hurt" me in some way. I may "react" on the defensive without making a conscious decision to "react" and that scares me too". Am I "insane" now? And when others react to this challenge with "Oh, JUSTignore it, don't ALLOWyourself to be bothered by that, or anything that says JUST in a reply to my challenge, MAKES ME FEEL ANGRY AND VERY FRUSTRATED, because these replies are not respecting the way I am challenged and I am not CHOOSING to experience this challenge.

Human beings are "the" most intelligent animals, so in that alone, at the same time human beings can develop some very "complex' fears, and imprints of different kinds of scenarios that become something that "can" trigger them to experience a deep sense of "fight/flight/freeze". Often, when someone experiences PTSD, that individual either begins to "avoid", OR, is drawn to these type of scenarios in and effort to understand whatever it was that proposed a threat, and "how can I overcome it", even, "what about this individual, enviornment created this "fear" in me?.

[Out There]

I use mindfulness and bilateral stimulation tones / music and a butterfly hug on myself tapping my shoulders.