I have PTSD from long term childhood trauma, but also several isolated incidents in adulthood that have been traumatic. I felt suicidal as a child, anxiety, depression and then I have been under mental health care since I was 13 and on psychiatric medications since about the same age. When my care team talks about recovery, I find it really hard to picture in my head what this means. I dont know of a time when I was well enough that would be considered recovered. Maybe well enough to function better than I am now, but its always just been functioning for a while until burning out because of trying to hold myself together long enough to go to college or hold down a job for a while for example. I feel like I play whack-a-mole with mental health trying to make certain things in my life ok that will help my recovery, then get kicked in the bum from another direction. Do any of you struggle with feeling like the term "recovery" feels like some mythical place always out of reach and no real direction?

[PeacockAngel16]

My story is pretty similar. I don't have much of an image of what recovery looks like, but it seems impossible either way. For me, it seems I take 2 steps forward, 4 steps back. But I think recovery is possible and we can get there. I've had to change expectations often over time, but there's always some hope. Keep that hope.

[Wander]

Definitely. I have been working on my recovery for over 20 years. There can be years when PTSD doesn't seriously impact me but then, BAMN, out of the blue it hits me fresh and i fall apart. Right now I am in hospital for a PTSD triggered mania. (I have bipolar too) The child abuse just won't let me go. Makes me feel helpless and hopeless at times as I have had great treatment over the last 6.5 years (before that i saw many, un or under-qualified counsellors who made me worse. Still, I think each time it comes to hit me I process more and make progress.

Actual recovery to the point where life is as if it never happened seems beyond my grasp and may not be a realistic goal anyway. Yes, it is a mythical place but I do believe peace of mind can be found and a life worth living.

[PumpkinPieHead]

I didn't even know recovery was a thing. Shows how hopeful my case is.

[Unrigged64072835]

When I hear the word recovery it means that one could live stable for a long time. I haven't been that way recently and I've been in therapy for over 20 years. I used to be stable but I didn't have a lot of stress on me. I yearn to be normal and have a productive life, but this anxiety is kicking my butt.

[Fuzzybear]