[ADeepSandbox]

I've been having trouble lately with going into crowded stores. I find myself sitting in the car at the grocery store, just trying to force myself to get up and get it done. Once I actually got out and had to go back to the car. Sometimes I drive around to different stores that carry what I need before I actually go in one. Trying to find one that "feels" okay.

I'm not usually like this. It's only the last few months. I don't even know what I'm afraid of. I just don't want to be around people. And when I do manage to get in the store, if I see someone coming down the aisle I need to grab something from, I will wait for them to leave.

I don't know why but I seem to be having trouble with being around people...

[Open Eyes]

You are not alone with this challenge, this is one of the symptoms that comes with PTSD.
It is not just our mind that is affected by trauma, it's our entire body. It's something that presents after we experience a traumatic event that produces much more sensitivity and hyperawareness. When we experience a trauma so much is taken in all at once, more than we consciously realize and we are actually designed this way so we can survive better in our environment that can be unpredictable.

As we learn more about the human brain, we learn that our frontal lobe which is the executive part of our brain is the part that checks in and makes decisions, but the rest or our brain is designed to formulate a pattern that we operate off of that is more like an auto pilot. If you think about learning to drive a car for example, at first you have to be "conscious" about where everything is, and how to navigate the road ahead. You practice and most go slow while learning right? But, what happens is that as we learn and practice we begin to develop and automatic sense of what it is to drive a car so we don't have to think about each and every step of driving. Actually, we get so good at it that we can experience a dissociation and go into auto pilot and suddenly forget to pay attention, it's actually scarey when we catch ourselves doing that. However, if we experience someone else suddenly hitting us, or we somehow lose control of the car, that changes how we drive to where we can become a driver that is more alert and we practice defensive driving. That's because when we experienced something that was a threat and dangerous, we recorded it so we would pay attention more, this is our way of developing "survival".

Human beings are designed to "sound an alarm", it's so crucial to our ability to survive and thrive. We are also designed to revisit something that can be a major threat because we are always looking to learn about all the things that could be a major threat to survival. However, in our design is also becoming more sensitive and a desire to avoid. All mammels have that instinct because having that also is part of changing to ensure survival.

Trauma does change a person and does create more sensitivity, and because it changes us we get confused because of this change and increased sensativity. If we come to understand what this means, it can be a comfort and one can begin to slowly learn how to develop a new sense of understanding and awareness. If someone receives the right validation and understanding of this challenge in time this person can regain a better sense of control and understanding of this new awareness and these symptoms, while they don't disappear completely, will settle down to where a person can regain a sense of control again.

There are simply some crowd situations I cannot do and won't even try to do anymore ... Shopping, unfortunately, isn't one of those, so what I do when I'm feeling it there is to try to go shopping when the stores are less crowded ... Or I'll go ahead and go during regular times while gently reminding myself that if it gets to be too much I can always leave and come back later ... Other times, I go in with a laser focus, rush through, grab what I need, pay for it and get the heck outta dodge before the freak out totally derails me ... Sometimes I know what my triggers are and sometimes I don't ... I never try to second guess or question my fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses anymore though ... If something is telling me to get the heck out, I get the heck out ... I hope you're able to find a workable solution for yourself too ... Living with PTSD is not easy, but it can sure lead us to finding some creative ways to make things work for us in spite of it!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

I have this same symptoms on and off. The first time it started was when I was attacked at age 15. I was told it was social anxiety but now I wonder if it's actually PTSD I've been dealing with all these years. I'm in my 40's now and it gets bad for a few weeks or months....then gets better for awhile...then bad again, etc.

Leaving the isle if someone goes down it is very familiar. I do better if I bring someone to the store with me. Sometimes I simply cannot go in alone at all. Sometimes I can't go with others either but that is more rare.

(((Hugs))). I'm so sorry you deal with this too. It's very difficult to deal with. Have you talked to a doctor about it?

[ADeepSandbox]

Thank you guys very much. It's good to know I'm not alone. I usually will sit in the car and play on my phone to distract/calm myself until I am ready to go in. Unfortunately sometimes it takes an hour to do that. I think it's worse at some times like when I'm already having a bad anxiety day.

The time I actually walked back out, I went home and read a book for an hour to get my mind off the feelings and then I was able to go back and do what I needed.

ElsaMars, I had so much to talk about yesterday when I did intake at a mental health center that I didn't mention that issue. I was diagnosed with PTSD yesterday and may also have GAD and depression NOS. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in February. I'm sorry you deal with this too. I do wonder if I also have social anxiety though. I only had an hour so I had to get the big stuff dealt with first.

[ADeepSandbox]

Right now I'm still in those early stages of going back and forth between "This explains some things I've been dealing with" and "No way, my experiences can't have been that bad."

When I'm in the store, I always get a grocery basket whether I need it or not. Focusing on pushing the basket can keep your mind occupied and you can focus on pushing the basket when walking past someone almost like you are having trouble steering it so they don't expect you to look up or interact with them. It helps a little. But I still usually need someone with me.

(((Hugs)))

Originally Posted by ADeepSandbox

Thank you guys very much. It's good to know I'm not alone. I usually will sit in the car and play on my phone to distract/calm myself until I am ready to go in. Unfortunately sometimes it takes an hour to do that. I think it's worse at some times like when I'm already having a bad anxiety day.

The time I actually walked back out, I went home and read a book for an hour to get my mind off the feelings and then I was able to go back and do what I needed.

ElsaMars, I had so much to talk about yesterday when I did intake at a mental health center that I didn't mention that issue. I was diagnosed with PTSD yesterday and may also have GAD and depression NOS. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in February. I'm sorry you deal with this too. I do wonder if I also have social anxiety though. I only had an hour so I had to get the big stuff dealt with first.

I do think I have social anxiety as well. And they confirmed PTSD and bipolar at my last appointment. I think the social anxiety is PTSD related if that makes sense.

[Unrigged64072835]

I'm usually with someone and even though I ventured into some sections alone there's others where I need someone to be there.

At CVS I could go down the feminine hygiene isle alone....actually I'm okay at CVS..... but anywhere else is VERY HARD. Sometimes I can manage JCPenney (like once a year) I'm hoping to make it to the mall this Christmas which will be a big deal for me. Not alone though.

[MtnTime2896]

I usually don't shop until one in the morning for this reason. Today I didn't and I almost clocked a dude in the jaw just because he walked behind me. I got out of there and voted to go back later tonight. You're definitely not alone in this. I used to have a therapy dog and he helped when we went shopping, but now I just have my fiance every now and then when he decides to come along.

[PumpkinPieHead]

Sandbox, what about signing up for a grocery pickup app? I think every major grocer is doing those now.

[ADeepSandbox]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

When I'm in the store, I always get a grocery basket whether I need it or not. Focusing on pushing the basket can keep your mind occupied and you can focus on pushing the basket when walking past someone almost like you are having trouble steering it so they don't expect you to look up or interact with them. It helps a little. But I still usually need someone with me.

(((Hugs)))

I do the same thing with a shopping basket, it gives me some additional personal space LOL!

[ADeepSandbox]

Originally Posted by PumpkinPieHead

Sandbox, what about signing up for a grocery pickup app? I think every major grocer is doing those now.

Thank you, that would probably be a really good deal but on the other hand I feel like I should force myself to deal with this.

[BadWolfC]

I thought my dislike of crowds had something to do with an anxiety problem, but this actually makes a lot more sense... It isn't social anxiety, it's my distrust of people.

[skeksi]

I have trouble with this, too. I have left SO many carts of items in Target and Costco because I hit my limit and couldn't continue.

I shop strategically most of the time--either on a day when I can get out of work a little early, and go straight to the store, or first thing in a weekend morning. We are talking 6 am early, or as soon as the store opens. That really helps--not many people are out that early--and then I can go through the day knowing that I've accomplished *something*.

[ADeepSandbox]

I paid close attention to what was going on with me tonight when I had to go to Walmart (ugh) and I think it's actually a sensory overload thing? Maybe?

The noise, the screaming kids, the people walking into you, the people EVERYWHERE, having to dance around between people walking slow or having conversations in the middle of the aisle, crying babies, having to wait for someone to move out of the way so you can grab what you need. It's an overload of noise, movement, the pressure of being surrounded by lots of loud strangers...the noise was overwhelming. Especially the screaming kids.

I don't know if it's a PTSD thing or not, but I think it's the sheer overload that is an issue. I don't have nearly as much trouble when it's quiet late at night.

I find I have sensory overload at work sometimes too, and have for a long time used headphones and soft music to drown out the noise. I don't like super busy or loud environments and never have. I guess the PTSD or something else just ramps it up to a point of being truly uncomfortable. Maybe?

[ADeepSandbox]

I googled it and apparently it IS a PTSD thing?

I'm still reeling from the diagnosis but I also keep finding ways it explains stuff I've been struggling with for months/years.

[PumpkinPieHead]

I hear ya, Sandbox. I wish I would have gotten diagnosed 10 years ago.

[ReptileInYourHead]

I used to have anxiety in crowds too, panic would set in and a fog would roll over my senses. Doesn't happen much anymore.
I always thought it was a self-esteem issue, and the panic I felt further enforced my pathetic opinion of myself.
I guess I kinda grew out of it, getting married and having kids helped.
Like some of you guys, I'm learning that the anxiety was and is a symptom of something greater.