[LostOnTheTrail]

Hi, all.

This is a strange one, but I feel I am dealing with PTS from an experience of emotional abuse that had its origins online. I am in the UK, and became close to a woman living in Nashville through an online forum dedicated to the former Beatle George Harrison. Kim and I communicated on a regular basis after the death of her partner Jonathan due to colon cancer in June 2007.


I was grieving after our forum community had lost another member just two months earlier. I was informed in September 2008 that Kim’s health had taken a turn for the worse, as she had developed an eating disorder.


Every time she was hospitalised due to this, I would receive lengthy emails detailing the measures that had to be taken to save her life. These things did not leave me easily...and still don’t. This continued for three years, until I received an email in January 2011, informing me that Kim had passed away, and the circumstances of this...again, sparing no detail.


I remained in contact with her family and her best friend, because of the experience we had shared. In 2013, her mother asked whether she could mail me some photographs. I thought about it, and decided against it, because I was still struggling with anger over the loss of my friend. It would be a shame, I thought, for her to go to that effort and for me to just tear the photos up.


I thought that would be the end of it, but late on Christmas Day 2013, I checked my emails to find eight messages full of pictures and YouTube videos of Kim. Or so I thought. When I clicked through, the names on the video description didn’t match up, so I Googled the photos and found that these were taken from other websites. Following this discovery, I cut contact with the family and blocked their email addresses.


I have so far been unable to find any death notices for Kim, her mother-in-law, or her fiancé, and these two factors combined lead me to believe that this was an elaborate hoax. I am seeking appropriate support, but the memories are still strong.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Hi, all.

This is a strange one, but I feel I am dealing with PTS from an experience of emotional abuse that had its origins online. I am in the UK, and became close to a woman living in Nashville through an online forum dedicated to the former Beatle George Harrison. Kim and I communicated on a regular basis after the death of her partner Jonathan due to colon cancer in June 2007.


I was grieving after our forum community had lost another member just two months earlier. I was informed in September 2008 that Kim’s health had taken a turn for the worse, as she had developed an eating disorder.


Every time she was hospitalised due to this, I would receive lengthy emails detailing the measures that had to be taken to save her life. These things did not leave me easily...and still don’t. This continued for three years, until I received an email in January 2011, informing me that Kim had passed away, and the circumstances of this...again, sparing no detail.


I remained in contact with her family and her best friend, because of the experience we had shared. In 2013, her mother asked whether she could mail me some photographs. I thought about it, and decided against it, because I was still struggling with anger over the loss of my friend. It would be a shame, I thought, for her to go to that effort and for me to just tear the photos up.


I thought that would be the end of it, but late on Christmas Day 2013, I checked my emails to find eight messages full of pictures and YouTube videos of Kim. Or so I thought. When I clicked through, the names on the video description didn’t match up, so I Googled the photos and found that these were taken from other websites. Following this discovery, I cut contact with the family and blocked their email addresses.


I have so far been unable to find any death notices for Kim, her mother-in-law, or her fiancé, and these two factors combined lead me to believe that this was an elaborate hoax. I am seeking appropriate support, but the memories are still strong.

So sorry this has happened. I lost an acquaintance on a forum as well and it's so hard on this type of communication because there is no closure. But as with other deaths you have to go through the grieving process. Relationships and death are a lot alike on some levels. During a break up it's like death of a loved one. You hurt to you core and your heart is broken. So whether Kim passed away or not you have to grieve the loss, allow yourself time, get support to work through it.
To make up such a hoax is a horrible thing to do. Unfortunately you never really know who you are dealing with in online situations. Bad people can use the internet to hide behind and project that they are someone else other than what they really are. Not saying Kim or her family are bad people, but without actually knowing them in real life is a true disadvantage. Please find some support to help you through this. I can tell that it's a very hard situation for you. Take care of yourself.

[Skeezyks]

Hello LostOnTheTrail: I'm sorry you find yourself to be in this most confusing & difficult situation. There have been a couple of individuals I have come to know on-line who died. I can't say I was close to either of them. I rarely become attached to anyone either on-line or in real life. But I had come to know them.

One was, unfortunately, a suicide. I guess the good thing in that case (to the extent that anything connected with it could have been considered good) was that at least I knew for certain what happened. In the situation you describe, you must be struggling with all sorts of confusing emotions because you really don't know for certain. Perhaps with time you'll be able to sort this out in some way or another. But under any circumstances, I send hugs your way with the hope that you might be able to find deep peace within...

[girlinterruptedbee]

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Hi, all.

This is a strange one, but I feel I am dealing with PTS from an experience of emotional abuse that had its origins online. I am in the UK, and became close to a woman living in Nashville through an online forum dedicated to the former Beatle George Harrison. Kim and I communicated on a regular basis after the death of her partner Jonathan due to colon cancer in June 2007.


I was grieving after our forum community had lost another member just two months earlier. I was informed in September 2008 that Kim’s health had taken a turn for the worse, as she had developed an eating disorder.


Every time she was hospitalised due to this, I would receive lengthy emails detailing the measures that had to be taken to save her life. These things did not leave me easily...and still don’t. This continued for three years, until I received an email in January 2011, informing me that Kim had passed away, and the circumstances of this...again, sparing no detail.


I remained in contact with her family and her best friend, because of the experience we had shared. In 2013, her mother asked whether she could mail me some photographs. I thought about it, and decided against it, because I was still struggling with anger over the loss of my friend. It would be a shame, I thought, for her to go to that effort and for me to just tear the photos up.


I thought that would be the end of it, but late on Christmas Day 2013, I checked my emails to find eight messages full of pictures and YouTube videos of Kim. Or so I thought. When I clicked through, the names on the video description didn’t match up, so I Googled the photos and found that these were taken from other websites. Following this discovery, I cut contact with the family and blocked their email addresses.


I have so far been unable to find any death notices for Kim, her mother-in-law, or her fiancé, and these two factors combined lead me to believe that this was an elaborate hoax. I am seeking appropriate support, but the memories are still strong.

I am sorry that you are going through this. If you ever watch that show Catfish on MTV, it reveals how sick and twisted people can be behind a computer screen.

Whether she really passed or not, you are still grieving a loss of a relationship. Therapy would really help or even attending a group for individuals who are grieving a loss. Even though it may be a hoax, YOUR loss is still valid.

Best of luck to you!

[*Laurie*]

I'm so sorry. Online losses - of any kind - are just as 'real' as IRL losses.

[Open Eyes]

(((LostOnTheTrail))),

You did not do anything wrong, you were simply being a nice and caring person. When someone goes to such great lengths like you have described they are VERY lonely. While it's very much on the creepy side, I suggest you think of this as that you were "nice" and caring to someone who must have needed it REALLY BADLY.

Yes, some people have such low self esteem that they create an identity that is totally fictional, not anything resembling who they really are IRL. It's actually "sad" that someone would need attention that badly.

I am so sorry this happened. People really are sick and I agree with the above poster it's sad.

Years ago my Facebook account was hacked and these people kept leaking the details of my private messages on Facebook. I was manic at the time and assumed that since it was the messages I sent to my friend that were hacked, she was responsible and was trying to ruin my life. She's always told me that other people treat me badly because they are jealous and the reason she knows is because she's been jealous of me since age 13. My paranoia made me cut off all contact with my only friend and sent me into an abyss of darkness, betrayal and hate for years. All because some dumbazz Asian dude hacked my account. People are cruel....sure they are probably sick themselves but screw them up the lower pie hole. I almost died.....tried several times. I wish I had money to hire some tech guru so I could find that person and make them pay.

I'm still recovering from that and several other online harassments and abuses. I've been harassed and abused even on PC! You got to be careful who you open up to....online or in person. It's a shame that we can't be trusting....it really is a shame but I've learned you really can't. (((Hugs)))

I am sorry you had to go through this. I had an old friend really mess with my head online and it sent me into a really bad depression. Not exactly the same, but contact is contact and people can really hurt you. I hope you are able to get the closure you need.