My nightmares...

How long I have not hurt myself by cutting...

That's wonderful! Stay strong and please reach out to us or someone you can trust if the urge gets too strong. Very proud of you!!!!!

Today has been terrible and getting worse... I don't see any hope... I don't see any reason to continue this struggle. I don't know what to do. I guess I am more fragile than I want to admit.

I think we all are more fragile than what we would like to admit, even on our best days. You are a smart young woman and I see good things coming to you if you want them. They will not come easy, but you know what you want, and it will be up to you to get them. Does this make sense?

Had another nightmare last night. I would have posted earlier but I was heavily drugged last night after I woke up screaming in a cold sweat and having peed the bed. I keep reliving the day my parents died and I am sure Mother's Day did not help or the feeling of lost I felt here all day yesterday. I am hurting...

So sorry.

I am so sad for all you have gone through with the loss of your parents in the accident that you were in also. I realized you were struggling but until I read your thread here didn't realize the depth of the trauma you have gone through. My heart truly goes out to you & the the struggles with nightmares & the other issues that are going along with it

In reading through the thread, the nightmares started before you were medicated for thrm. I was wondering if the peeing in bed started exactly when the nightmares did & have always been a part of the nightmare experience or if the peeing during the nightmares only started AFTER you started taking the medication to help you with them. The timing of when that started can be a good indication as to the cause. If it has been happening from the beginning of your nightmates even before you were given meds then its obviously an effect of the nightmares. If it only started AFTER you were given medication then its obvious that the combination of the meds with the nightmares creates the effect that causes that to happen.

I went through a trauma that was nothing as serious as your experience, dealing with catching the home care person abusing my mom who was dying of cancer. There was physical confrontation & police involved, then she OD'ed my mom on her morphine & there was a sensed threat to my life along with my mom's at that point. The stress triggered my anorexia so my weight was very low.

Needless to say, that trauma caused me horrible nightmares & sleepless nights trying to avoid the nightmares. My pdoc put me on 600mg of seroquel. With my low weight & I was also on a high dose of pain medication for chronic pain, I was basically so knocked out that I couldnt even function but I was mostly able to sleep. I had a TV in my room that I kept on a mindless shopping channel because I found one time I didnt & what was on the TV actually triggered a nightmare though not one directly related to the trauma. I started to also depersonalize which really scared me because I had no idea at the time what was happening to me. I also didnt realize thst the bad marriage I was in also caused its own type of trsuma & so had some things in my childhood, struggles I had with my parents.

It took me a year after my mom died to be able to go back in her house where it all had happened & I sold the house, using that money to get me out of my marriage to buy my own farm & just walk away from it all.

The nightmares followed but living alone & having 7 dogs to care for, I could no longer take the meds & be functional. I had many sleepless nights. 10 years later, sleepless nights have become a habit & unless I sm totally exhausted, going to sleep is still difficult even though I NO LONGER have the nightmares, though occasionally is I sm really struggling with someone I will end up with a nightmare where I am struggling to get free from either a parent or my H. What helps me sleep now is having the radio on 24/7 to the Christian talk radio station or Christian music. I notice when I am experiencing a higher level of stress in my daily life that my sleeping pattern tends to only be a few hours before awake, then a few more hours when I just am too tired to stay awake any longer. For me, this is the only way I can be functional when Im awake & really get a deep sleep when I do finally fall asleep without the use of medication. If I wasnt living alone, I would use meds to sleep but I have a fear of not being able to wake up IF a REAL emergency in my house ever happened.

Lol, I had one time I was so exhausted I crashed in bed & pulled the sleeping bag comforter over my face & was sound asleep in a few seconds only to have my spirit connected dog Leo so worried about me that he stuck his head under the comforter, right in my face & started pawing at me & kissing me. I didnt appreciate it at the time but his caring doggie love has helped me heal from what I have gone through along with moving 2100 miles away from where every bad thing happened in my life.

Handling major grief & loss ontop of surviving through the accident you experienced takes long term work & patience. Therapy is critical to be able to talk through thoughts that come up & it may take some specialize trauma treatment to really help you process all you have gone through. I do believe that prayer & God's answered prayers are a huge part in helping us heal along with like you are doing...meditating on Scripture. Healing from trauma is a long process in itself....healing from the grief & liss if your parents adds a whole other layer & complexity to it.

My prayers are with you

"“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”
(Charles M. Blow) "
Love this, it's so true.

I am kinda in shock. It has been 16 days since my last nightmare. I have not ever gone this long before. I usually have them 2 or 3 times a week. I'm not complaining. I am thankful. I just wished I understood this. Was marriage a key to a new dimension? Was Anna a source of power untapped? What was different before I left on my Honeymoon to the time I am in now? What has changed?

You got married? Congratulations!!!!! What's different is you have that love, support and companionship. It's all new and exciting. I hope that lasts forever. Planning a wedding is h___, you have that off your shoulders now. So it could be a lot of things. Enjoy the feeling while you can

Could be also the different environment as you were far away from where you normally have the nightmares.

I know that the memories are in our mind no matter where we are BUT I found after I moved totally away from where the trauma reminders were, the nightmares were minimized.

Also your mind has been so full of creating NEW memories, that could be part of it too......probably everything put together has been the real help.

18 Days and no NIGHTMARES... That is just amazing...

Yay Amanda I'm sorry for all the horrors you went through though! I admire your courage and determination

sitting with you
LadyRain

Wonderful news!!!! So happy it's continuing.....broke the minds cycle.

From your lips to God's ears...

Very proud of you

Thank you... I do wish I knew why but willing to live by faith and trust...

(((((( AmandaBroken ))))))

Bless you!


WC

There's a few things that cause them to stop. Nevertheless, I'm glad that you're not having them now.

Thank You, Everyone...

I guess I have another goal. 26 days since my last nightmare...

Sounds like married life is taking very good care of you