My nightmares...

Walt Disney was so brilliant. If I remember correctly he was one who also struggled with dyslexia, along with Stephen Spielberg and other great creative minds.

A good way to learn and grow also is to read different biographies. I am 60 and love the old movies, and then when I read or watched the biographies of all these individuals, it was amazing to see the challenges they faced behind all the glamour of Hollywood.

I don't have high blood pressure and this hasn't made my blood pressure too low. But every person has to weigh potential risks and benefits, pros and cons and come to a personal decision.

Had a bad nightmare on Sunday night. So bad they sedated me. I guess I was given too much because I only just woke up.

Oh my Amanda, well, at least your body got a chance to get some rest. Being able to actually sleep for 24 hours, even 48 hours isn't always a bad thing.

Yeah, I guess so. I was told I got up to use the bathroom and raid the refrigerator. But they said I looked stoned and did not interfere with me...

I see the Counselor on Thursday I will share what you said.

Had a terrible nightmare last might and then I could not go back to bed. Had a presentation this morning and it was hard to get through it.

Sorry you could not get back to sleep. I have experienced that myself and I sleep with the TV on because I have found that distracts my mind until I fall back to sleep also if I had a night terror, having the TV on helped me get back in the now. I try to pick things I can just listen to, things about history or documentaries. That way I am more apt to dream about that then have nightmares too. I have a friend that sleeps with the radio on.

I want to thank you for all the support you have given me...

I want to help you as you struggle through this hard part. I know it's hard and how much one has to take it one day at a time, and some days, it's taking it an hour at a time too. Lot's of patience, it makes a difference in gaining in the journey of healing.

TRIGGER WARNING...



Been under a lot of stress lately. Maybe dying is the answer.

No need to worry. I am being watched like an eagle watches her prey as she slopes down on it from above. I know I have so much to live for. But sometimes even I run out of answers.

When you are under a lot of stress, you need to step back a bit and be patient. Dying isn't the answer even when one considers that option. And that feeling can present itself in the PTSD struggle, but it comes in waves and goes away and like all the other emotional waves, it can be slowly worked past.

Running out of answers is normal to deep traumatic challenges and working ones way towards acceptance and healing. That is when you have to vent as needed, and also step back too and I cannot say enough how "patience with self" is so important.

Had a mild nightmare last night. I managed to wake before it hit hard. I felt myself running away from it in my dream. Maybe I out ran it?

That's a good question Amanda. Perhaps that is showing you that you are making "gains" on having more control and bringing yourself into the "now" better so that your night terrors and flashbacks don't take over.

Trigger Warning

Had a terrible nightmare last night and ended up in the hospital. It really wore me down. I just got home a little while ago.

This is a terrible way to live. If you can call this living. And do you know what bothers me the most, I know I have no control over it, but I hate wetting the bed. Makes me feel like a 5-year-old.

I so want to die...

Thanks DaX15

Have you been to a doctor about the bed wetting to rule out a physical issue? I'm sure that is hard to deal with. Not sure how old you are but as you get older be ready for some issues in that area, especially if you sneeze or cough Old age sucketh

I have been through every test imaginable, and I'm 21...

Amanda,I am sorry to hear about your trauma and your bereavements.
I had no idea you were suffering so.
Would it help to talk about the content of your nightmares.Nightmares are very scary and interrupted sleep and anxiety make it very hard mentally and physically on the body.
I want to help if I can,I want you to know I am here for you.You can PM me if you want to anytime.

Okay , if physical issues for that have been cleared, that's good. Have you talked to a T about it? Tried any grounding, muscle relaxation before bed. Not eating anything hours before bedtime. Also no fluids several hours before bedtime. Does it happen every night?
I have really bad nightmares if I have meat too close to bedtime, mainly beef. So I stopped doing that.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

*Graphic Description of a car accident*

*TRIGGER WARNING*

*Graphic Description of a car accident*

Thanks, Marylin...

My nightmare is always the same. I am in the car with my mom and dad as we were driving back to the hotel. My dad and I are singing silly songs. We always sang silly songs. They were our songs. Mom would roll her eyes everytime we started to sing.

Next, there is a loud bang, I feel myself being pushed forward into the back of mom's seat and then back again. There is more noise and I don't have any knowledge of the time. Then everything went silent. My mom turns to me with blood dripping from her head and says "Are you okay Amanda, and then silence. Dad turns and says to me and first asked me how I was and then "I love you, Amanda," and then silence. He is also covered with blood, a lot of blood.

I'm not sure how long it is but I remember screaming and hearing sirens. After that, I don't remember much. I remember being in a hospital and my sister sitting next to me. The next memory is being at home and going through the process of a funeral. I just remember lots of family and friends being there. After the funeral, it is a Jewish tradition to throw the dirt back into the grave I remember participating in that.

After that, I am told I collapsed and was in some sort of coma. I was told I was in this state for 2 months. My sister being a registered nurse had me transported home and set me up in the downstairs Master bedroom. Amy took a leave of absence from her job and was with me when I woke up. Amy said the first words I spoke was "Dad, are you okay." I was told that I had physical damage to my brain not caused by the physical part of the accident but due to emotional stress from the accident.

After this, I changed. I started to dress differently. My behavior changed. I was no longer "Daddy's Little Girl." I dressed sort of like a Goth girl. I started acting out. Having anxiety attacks. I then read something about cutting and one day in a fit of anger I cut. My first cut was very bad and I was in the hospital for 2 or 3 weeks. I was then sent home.

All I can say after that is I changed. I was cutting all the time. I also started to dress very "sexy." Tight clothes, see through clothes and then going around the house "naked," Which I still do. I hate clothing.

The next thing everyone noticed was I become a "savant." I always did great in school but now I excel.

Anything else you want me to share? Please ask...

I see a Counselor every week. I also see a psychiatrist once every month.

It happens about 2 to 3 times a week but varies in intensity. But at least one major episode every week.

Another side effect that happens is the stress of the nightmare has caused my body to shut down, as a form of protection.

Have you talked to your T about the bed wetting? Did the T have any suggestions?

I have spoken to everyone... Psychiatrist/Counselor/MD...

They say the peeing in bed is just a result of the pressure and release of my body during a nightmare. I have my mattress covered so at least if I pee it only wets me and the sheets and blankets.

I don't believe now or in the future, this will change...

I hate that, I wish they could help you with it. I know that is uncomfortable on many levels for you.