[Carnival Doll]

i've always known that i have some sort of trauma. i don't know what exactly it is. the only moments i can pinpoint for certain that were disturbing at least are watching a family member die at the age of 11 or 12, as well as seeing my dad go through cancer treatment. (i can't remember when this started)

today something occurred that scared me. i'm paranoid about people reading this and finding out it's me, so i won't give details about the situation. but people were being loud and yelling, not to be mean, but to motivate others. i was already anxious about being sick and not performing well, and then before i knew it i had a full blown panic attack and dissociated a bit.

the panic attacks themselves are not new. my first panic attack was when i was about 12 when i was getting screamed at and spanked/shaken around and i've been having them since. i usually get them when people are screaming at me, or when i think i am going to get in trouble. today the screams were not supposed to be mean, but i reacted in that way. i'm so confused. i barely got any sleep last night so that doesn't help, but today just feels strange.

anyway, my point is, i am NOT officially diagnosed with PTSD. but i am starting to wonder because of these things happening. i don't know what to do any more because i feel like i cannot function if i react this way around loud noises and angry people.

i'm bringing this issue here because i don't know what steps to take next. i don't want to bring it up to my parents because i do not want them to be disappointed or upset that they have such a weak child.

[Pflaumenkeks]

Hello and welcome

You are not weak for having a trauma! Things that are happening in live affects us.

For me your story sounds like trauma, but even if it's not: it affects you to an extend where you cannot function anymore so I'll say it definitely qualifies for counceling.

Maybe some encouragement: I have this too. I get very anxious when people yell, for whatever reason they do it. But after a while of therapy this went from full blown panic attack to just anxious.

You are allowed to take your needs serious and get (professional) help if you are having difficulties achieving this on your own. And the short parts about your childhood that you talked about sounds like a lot to deal with!

Good luck

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome Carnival Doll
I agree, you're not weak for having a trauma.

[HD7970GHZ]

Hi Carnival Doll,

Welcome to the forums.

I am sorry that you are experiencing these things. It does sound like trauma. It sounds like you have been through some terrible experiences... Does your life feel safer now?

You have good self-awareness. Moving forward, try your best to remain aware of your triggers and your reactions to them. It can help you better understand yourself and process the trauma. These are important details to bring to a therapist whom you trust.


I am also really sensitive and triggered by noise, more-so when I was younger. I associate it to being yelled at a lot as a child and being forced to ride on a really loud snow mobile when I was younger. Growing up I would get so angry at the vacuum cleaner and have a panic attack; I would literally leave the house when my mom was vacuuming. Overtime it has become more tolerable, but I was so afraid to even run a lawn-mower. Exposure to these things in baby steps is a good way to combat the feelings.

I saw a physical altercation between a teammate on a hockey team and his dad. I stepped in to the hallway where it was happening and I froze and immediately felt overwhelmed with emotion and was scared. I started crying and went looking for help. This is an example of being triggered by old traumas. Sometimes we can understand why the triggers have an effect on us, sometimes we don't even know what the triggers are. I was triggered because there was a lot of fighting in our house growing up and I recall several times my Dad pushing my Mom around; physical altercations did happen...

Anyways, I hope you are safer these days and that you can feel less alone. We understand. If you want to share more, feel free. There is a very slim chance your family will find your posts, but if you feel the need for privacy you can always choose to private message us.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

[Carnival Doll]

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Hi Carnival Doll,

Welcome to the forums.

I am sorry that you are experiencing these things. It does sound like trauma. It sounds like you have been through some terrible experiences... Does your life feel safer now?

You have good self-awareness. Moving forward, try your best to remain aware of your triggers and your reactions to them. It can help you better understand yourself and process the trauma. These are important details to bring to a therapist whom you trust.


I am also really sensitive and triggered by noise, more-so when I was younger. I associate it to being yelled at a lot as a child and being forced to ride on a really loud snow mobile when I was younger. Growing up I would get so angry at the vacuum cleaner and have a panic attack; I would literally leave the house when my mom was vacuuming. Overtime it has become more tolerable, but I was so afraid to even run a lawn-mower. Exposure to these things in baby steps is a good way to combat the feelings.

I saw a physical altercation between a teammate on a hockey team and his dad. I stepped in to the hallway where it was happening and I froze and immediately felt overwhelmed with emotion and was scared. I started crying and went looking for help. This is an example of being triggered by old traumas. Sometimes we can understand why the triggers have an effect on us, sometimes we don't even know what the triggers are. I was triggered because there was a lot of fighting in our house growing up and I recall several times my Dad pushing my Mom around; physical altercations did happen...

Anyways, I hope you are safer these days and that you can feel less alone. We understand. If you want to share more, feel free. There is a very slim chance your family will find your posts, but if you feel the need for privacy you can always choose to private message us.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

i am terribly sorry for replying so late...all of you, thank you for taking the time to respond. it really helps a lot. for now i do believe that i am safe for the time being. the bad things usually occurred during the really stressful times. i believe this but my brain still feels unsafe sometimes.

i hate that you had to go through those things. as far as i know my triggers are just people yelling in general, especially men. i want to get help from a therapist and i've told my parents about these panic attacks as well as other things i'm facing (dissociation, symptoms of OCD, and hypersexuality) but they don't seem to be worried about it. my best bet is the school counselor.

i must say that changing my attitude has helped with me feeling sad but it will never make the fear go away. i wish i could pinpoint and remember all my trauma so i could get to the bottom of it.

good luck to you all. be gentle on yourself, and i hope life is gentle on you too from now on.