[lizardlady]

Am struggling with symptoms related to the recent sex abuse news. I commute an hour to and from work. It's easy to slip into ruminating about what happened while I'm driving. I stopped listening to the news during the drive to avoid triggers. I was listening to audiobooks to keep my mind occupied. The CD player in my truck broke so I can't listen to books anymore. Any ideas how to keep myself from ruminating that I can do while I drive? Obviously, most of my attention needs to be on driving. I'm looking for something that will keep me just distracted enough to keep me from the churning thinking.

[RubyRae]

In the past I have counted to ten,and then backwards back to one,over and over.I have also said my ABC's over and over,sang songs I knew all the words to and even carried on conversations with myself out loud.

I think you probably just need to start trying different things until you find something that works for you.I think it will be hard though,to focus on your driving plus focusing on distracting yourself at the same time.So be careful.

[lizardlady]

Thanks. Those are some good ideas. They kind of primed the pump and I'm thinking of things I can do and still be safe behind the wheel. Something you said got me thinking about what Buddhists call "monkey mind." Best way I know that works with that little devil is to tell him to shut up, as in "Shut up you little F!" I even have a little monkey in my truck as a reminder. Need to move him to a more visible place so I remember to tell him to shut up. Something else that's worked for me in the past was a grounding technique I learned to avoid dissociating. You pay attention what your senses are telling you. What do I feel under my feet? Hands? Behind, etc. Then what do I hear? What do I see? What do I smell?

Thanks for getting me started! I'm off work this week, but keep these front and center in my brain when I go back to work.

[MoxieDoxie]

Does the truck have bluetooth so you can play stuff from your phone? Not sure if your truck is old without that new technology. If not then put one earbud in your ear and listen to a podcast or a TED talk from your phone.

Get silly puddy and squish it around in your hand while you drive. It will ground.

[lizardlady]

My truck is 11 years old (go Toyota!) so no bluetooth. My phone is a dumb phone - talk and text only so no listening to things on it either. I do have an MB3 player. Maybe I could load books on it. Going to have to check out whether using an earbud while I drive is legal in my state. Can't see that it's any different than a hands free thingie for the phone. I like the silly puddy idea. Thanks!

[Open Eyes]

It's hard to hear about all these cases where sexual abuse took or is taking place. However, there is a positive about how much has been coming out too in that it's high time a big discussion take place about it and we get to actually see prominent individuals finally being held accountable and shamed. Also, all the information coming out will help educate young women where they learn how these type of individuals operate and they all follow a plan where they make an effort to get young women alone. That is something I had experienced myself when I was young and naive thinking an individual I had thought I could trust would never do something like that to me.

It's important that you remember that you survived whatever you experienced and you are in a place "now" in your life where you are wiser and safer. However, if you continue to struggle you may benefit by finally telling your own story along with whatever you feel your own experience took from you that you deserve to grieve and finally heal from. There is a part of you that deserves to be heard and it's probably time for you to acknowledge that "hurt" part in yourself that you most likely unknowingly put away in an attempt to not even acknowledge the "self" at the time that was hurt and deserved to be able to talk about it.

One of the comments I see a lot is "why wait all these years later?". Well, as you know, when someone has been a victim or experienced something traumatic, there is no real "time" to the experience, instead it is a part of the person their entire life no matter how many years pass.

I have shared a video of the Mustang that came into my life. My daughter and I taught him a lot of things, even helped him trust. However, he was abused and traumatized and no matter how many years go by, he will always carry a certain "fear" of human beings, especially human beings that approach him with an object in their hand. That tells me that someone abused him and hurt him badly with some kind of object and I can't change how he is never going to forget that. I can't "just" ignore that challenge either or "pretend" it doesn't exist and I have made it a point that anyone that is entrusted with him understands that about him and "respects" it. Now, Liz, let's think about that, because you have experienced something in your life that you have been struggling with right now, so with that the first thing you need to work on "for yourself" is respecting that part of "yourself". You can't change what happened to you, but you can finally talk about it and give yourself permission to respect it instead of looking for ways to "pretend it never happened or ignore it'. This is not about re traumatizing yourself either, instead it's respecting your own personal feelings about it that you have tried to ignore and you tend to get depressed with this ongoing effort to "ignore" whatever it is along with how it hurt you in some way.

Everyday you get in your car and you go to work and your work is about helping young individuals find their way towards building their lives so they can thrive "despite" the challenges they face. Lord knows you try your hardest to be "strong" for these different individuals, part of that comes from this "hurt" you have yourself. I really loved/love that Mustang and I wanted to help him, I saw a lot of myself in him yet I never talked about him that way. When he was doing really well and his value began climbing, truth is what I wanted more for him is that he end up with a person that would not look at him as an "object" for their gain, but as a sensitive animal that deserved to be respected and loved and appreciated.

You were hurt Liz, but that hurt in you deserves to be acknowledged because that hurt has contributed to your "value" as a human being where you go to work and make a big effort to help others find their way because you actually do know how important it is to overcome challenges and slowly learn to navigate despite these challenges. But one thing you strive for in your day to day effort is to help young individuals learn to believe in their OWN VALUE as a human being. That is what a part of you struggled with the most in what she experienced. Abuse and neglect always affects an individual's sense of personal value. So, with that, why not finally allow this part of you to tell her story so you can help her finally "heal" instead of trying to keep ignoring her with different distractions.

[dlantern]

Jazzy music is a good idea on what you can do to cope. Why don't you make it routine until you can't make it a routine.

[lizardlady]

Thank you everyone for your ideas. I've been back at work now for two weeks. I'm doing okay. CD player is still broken, but am finding ways to distract myself from the thoughts and still paying attention to my driving.

[Gus1234U]

Default Management and Coping Skills for Anxiety, Panic and PTSD:

here are some of the Coping Skills i learned for managing anxiety, and found to work well for stress AND PTSD~ i hope you find some of them useful ~

i have posted these before, but am bringing them together and up to date, and adding the DBT Self-Soothing Skills that also help, either before or after a panic~

Self Comforting Skills
we are social creatures, but getting what we need when we need it from another is not always available. here are some of the suggestions from the DBT handbook on Self Soothing Skills:

think of soothing each of your FIVE SENSES

1) Vision: Notice what you see, find soothing things to look at.
(i go to a blog that has lovely pictures: C PTSD - A Way Out | A place to check in daily )

2) Hearing: Pay attention to what you can hear around you.
(put on your favorite music...)

3) Smell: Be aware of the memories that smell can bring.
(i like to do aroma therapy. there are many Essential Oils for that.)

4) Taste: Carefully savor flavors that the day brings you.
(keep a favorite hard candy on hand, for the little sugar boost, too.)

5) Touch: Find comfort in touch.
(keep a special pillow or blanket with a favorite perfume on it.)

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy/Distress Tolerance Skills/Self-soothing - Wikibooks, open books for an open world

these are not listed, but i find them handy, too:

A) Reassurance: Tell yourself that you are OK, safe and unharmed.
(the danger is past, you have survived this before and now
you are stronger and more skillful than then.)

B) Take Action: Go for a walk, or exercise or clean house or cook. (use your
body's natural focusing powers to leave the fear behind.)

C) Refocus: Think about pleasant things. Push the hurtful thoughts away.
(have a hobby or a story, or a book that you like, to take your
mind to a better place.)

Coping With Anxiety and Panic:

1. Remember, feelings of panic are just exaggerations of normal bodily stress reactions.

2. Sensations are neither harmful nor dangerous - just unpleasant. Nothing worse will happen.

3. Anxiety is temporary. Instead of fighting it, relax into it. Just let it be.

4. Focus on facing the fear rather than trying to avoid it or escape from it.

5. Stop adding to the panic with frightening thoughts of where panic will lead.

6. Stay in the present. Be aware of what is happening to you rather than concern yourself with how much worse it might get.

7. Notice that when you stop adding to panic with frightening thoughts, the fear begins to fade.

8. Wait and give the fear time to pass.

9. Look around you. Plan what you will do next as the panic subsides.

10. When you are ready to go on, do so in an easy, relaxed manner. There is no hurry.

11. Think about the progress made so far despite all the difficulties.

Some Specific Actions:

1. Manage your breathing, if it is rapid, breathe into a paper sack to lower oxygen uptake;

2. Count your breaths, 1001, 1002, 1003, ect, up to 1020, then start again, slow down the count to slow your heartbeat. counting interferes with anxiety;

3. Delay doing anything about your anxiety or panic, just follow the steps and focus on getting thru it;

4. Distract yourself, with anything that requires you to focus and is simple and handy - at home you might read something easy, like a magazine, or knit or wash dishes, whatever engages your attention;

5. Eat something to replenish the blood sugars that adrenalin has burned up, and give yourself at least 15 minutes for the kidneys to clean out the 'ashes' in your blood;

6. Write these things down and keep them with you, until you have made them a habit

practice these skills before you need them, or when you are just mildly anxious, so they will be familiar when you are feeling very upset. i hope you find this information helpful~

best wishes~
Gus

[lizardlady]

Thanks Gus. It's interesting, many of the things you listed are things I learned years ago to prevent dissociating.

[terrencewelsch]

I have seen and personally had some wonderful success with high quality cbd oils. Personally just for quelling and holding back anxiety attacks, which I know are markedly different from a ptsd dissociation, but I also have a partner and friends who have suffered from sexual trauma that has lead to PTSD. I think in tandem with grounding techniques like Gus goes over above, it can really help. I believe that is due to it suppressing cytokine production which reduces inflammatory responses in the body and the brain

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( LizardLady ))))))

Thinking of you.

WC