[Amethyst_Stargazer]

In the beginning I was shocked from everything after I finally left my abusive ex boyfriend. For so long I was in denial about it even and was always covering up for him and simply letting him get away with things because I seriously thought he would change and that it was my fault. After awhile I tried leaving him and that's when the threats came...

Now I'm crying and there's lots of mood swings I'm having because I feel stupid for not getting any sooner or going to the police when he threatened me if I was to leave him. I know there's nothing I can do about it now, but I seem to be very hard on myself now. Try to explain PTSD to people and not many truly understand or get how I feel. This is why I've been depressed for so long and I've been covering up for him for years... and not telling anyone because how ashamed I am. My mother is happy that I'm out. Scared to damage my relationship with people by my mood swings so I won't be logging on that often so I can focus on myself.

People I know can only support me so much but I still do feel lots of pain right now. So much went on during this relationship that it's hard to comprehend. The thing that I won't ever forget is how he poured alcohol over my head and I did nothing because I was so afraid of him. I was deeply afraid afraid of him and when he got angry, I froze up. There's been so many times where I felt like I was walking on eggshells and he manipulated, gaslighted and lied to me. This is why I was so confused for so long and had no idea what was going on half the time.

Hope I can get some support here. I truly do feel alone right now. There's some friends of mine that clearly don't understand how I feel.

[Open Eyes]

((Amethyst)), you are going to need some time to grieve. Now that you are away from the abuse you are going to need some time to "heal". You are right, a lot of people simply don't understand PTSD and how much effort it takes to slowly heal. But, there are people who do understand and those are the people you need to seek out and often there are live support groups for women who have been in abusive relationships and need healing and support.

[BLUEDOVE]

Hi Am,try and access some self-compassion--look up Kirstin
Neff,she also has book with title:"Self-Compassion".
Courage,
BLUEDOVE