I never feel worthy. I am afraid of failure. I am convinced someone is going to screw me over, etc.

So I have become a hyperivigilant consummate planner. I try to never have my back exposed persay; and, the best way to do that is careful planning.

Sound familiar?

I become obsessed with planning, even rehearsing difficult conversations and trying to account for every possible ramification of every possible outcome.

This isn't so great. As you can imagine it actually often leads to the very disasters I try to avoid as the more I plan the bigger the opportunity there is for something to go wrong. I look at people wondering how they might let me down. How could they screw me over. Will they laugh and find me unworthy. The anxiety grows by leaps and bounds.

I suppose it is about trying to find the control in my life that had been taken from me. It is about the little girl trying to avoid the bullies and tormentors.

[lilypeppermint]

I totally hear you on this. I think the key thing is to start with small steps.

[SeekerSeeking]

Justafriend306, all that sounds exhausting…sorry you are going through it.

If planning and rehearsing difficult conversations is not working—stop.

I know in my life, what I project I draw towards me. When I’m angry, I’ll attract angry folks, etc. By feeling unworthy, afraid, and sure folks are going to screw you over—you are drawing that very same energy (okay, yes, I’m a woowoo person😉).

But I do believe that what we think, and feel, is like a radio signal pulsing out—is what returned to you.

Control is a façade; there is no control—except of ourselves (and our genetics have a lot of input here also). Worrying is a way of trying to control, but it doesn’t work. Want to try a test?

Pick up a book in your hands and stand up. Put the book perpendicular to the floor. Now worry about the book not hitting the floor when you let go. Worry hard, wrinkle your brow, and strain. Worry, worry, worry. Now let go—did all your worrying work? No, worry is like a rocking horse; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere….

Blessings!

[leomama]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I never feel worthy. I am afraid of failure. I am convinced someone is going to screw me over, etc.


So I have become a hyperivigilant consummate planner. I try to never have my back exposed persay; and, the best way to do that is careful planning.


Sound familiar?


I become obsessed with planning, even rehearsing difficult conversations and trying to account for every possible ramification of every possible outcome.


This isn't so great. As you can imagine it actually often leads to the very disasters I try to avoid as the more I plan the bigger the opportunity there is for something to go wrong. I look at people wondering how they might let me down. How could they screw me over. Will they laugh and find me unworthy. The anxiety grows by leaps and bounds.


I suppose it is about trying to find the control in my life that had been taken from me. It is about the little girl trying to avoid the bullies and tormentors.

I don’t know , doesn’t sound so bad...

[Shazerac]

I kind of go the other way. I’m afraid to plan because my life was always so out of control. Planning just equaled disappointment. On the other hand planning scares me because I don’t know how I’m going to feel when it comes time to do what I planned to do.

[Unrigged64072835]

I try to plan but things end up happening to derail it. One of my pet phrases has been "adjust and adapt," but I can only do that so much before I lose myself.

[KYWoman]

Sounds very familiar. Now that I've been homeless for over a year, I don't think I'll ever be able to find my way back to trust and the cup that is half full vs half empty. It took me decades to learn to TRUST and to see my cup 1/2 full, but merely days to lose all hope.