[UpDownMiddleGround]

Tonight I was at work at a mall and someone started shooting. There were screams and more shots. I froze. Then I dropped to the floor. The first thing that went through my head was Las Vegas. I thought that I was going to die if I stayed where I was. I told my co worker to run and I ran out of the building to a hiding place. I thought that I would be shot while I was running out of the building. I wasn't sure if I was safe. Heck, I still don't feel safe. I didn't have keys, a phone, anything. . . I used another person's phone to call my friend so that she could come and get me. This was the scariest night of my life. I went back in after everything seemed to be clear and got my keys and phone. My meds are in my car so I can't go to sleep. I'm not ok. I don't know if I can go back.

[Skeezyks]

I see it's been a couple of days now since you posted this. I'm so sorry you experienced this terrifying event. Hopefully now that a couple of days have passed you're beginning to calm down. I hope you have someone with whom you can process this frightening event. Please take care...

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by UpDownMiddleGround

Tonight I was at work at a mall and someone started shooting. There were screams and more shots. I froze. Then I dropped to the floor. The first thing that went through my head was Las Vegas. I thought that I was going to die if I stayed where I was. I told my co worker to run and I ran out of the building to a hiding place. I thought that I would be shot while I was running out of the building. I wasn't sure if I was safe. Heck, I still don't feel safe. I didn't have keys, a phone, anything. . . I used another person's phone to call my friend so that she could come and get me. This was the scariest night of my life. I went back in after everything seemed to be clear and got my keys and phone. My meds are in my car so I can't go to sleep. I'm not ok. I don't know if I can go back.

I am so sorry you had to go through this!!! I also live in the south east. I am in Georgia. Unfortunately all the shootings are a new trend for this time. The US has had so many now that we expect it to happen on at least a weekly basis. My Son was at Ft Hood during that shooting, and I herd it on the radio, and ended up in a wreak. My Son wasn't shot, and no one was hurt in the wreak except for my car. My Son don't talk about the shooting, but I know he knew ppl who were shot. My Son was in the service for 11 years, and did 2 long years in Iraq. He has PTSD, but won't see anyone for it. I try to talk to him about it when he talks about it, but he never said much about any of it. I haven't given up, and will keep trying until he tells me to quit. I have CPTSD from my childhood, and all through my life, and if I can help others, I am grateful. (((((((MANY THOUGHTS, BIG HUGS, AND PRAYERS TO YOU)))))))

Oh, UpDownMiddleGround! I am so sorry that happened! How scary! Sorry I only just now saw your post. Do you have a T or someone to help you process this?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by UpDownMiddleGround

Tonight I was at work at a mall and someone started shooting. There were screams and more shots. I froze. Then I dropped to the floor. The first thing that went through my head was Las Vegas. I thought that I was going to die if I stayed where I was. I told my co worker to run and I ran out of the building to a hiding place. I thought that I would be shot while I was running out of the building. I wasn't sure if I was safe. Heck, I still don't feel safe. I didn't have keys, a phone, anything. . . I used another person's phone to call my friend so that she could come and get me. This was the scariest night of my life. I went back in after everything seemed to be clear and got my keys and phone. My meds are in my car so I can't go to sleep. I'm not ok. I don't know if I can go back.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you!

[UpDownMiddleGround]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Oh, UpDownMiddleGround! I am so sorry that happened! How scary! Sorry I only just now saw your post. Do you have a T or someone to help you process this?

I'd like to thank everyone for their support.

I spoke with my T on Friday and we developed a plan for the day that worked to help me get through it. I felt pretty good on Friday and Saturday when I returned to the mall. But as time goes on, I'm becoming more and more anxious about the event. My coworkers at my full time job all know that I work at the mall and they have been asking me about it. Every time I talk about it, I get this heavy feeling in my chest, my stomach starts to ache and I feel like I am trembling all over. When I am driving, I find myself reliving the event. By the time I realized I'm lost in time, I've driven a few miles that I don't remember. I've been trying not to go to my T before my next scheduled appointment because I really can't afford it, but I think I'm going to have to. I've tried bilateral stimulation, exercising, journaling, talking about it, not talking about it, and trying to desensitize my feelings by going into stores and crowds. I just don't know what to do. I keep reading articles and trying to make sense of what happened that night. There are so many unanswered questions.

[Open Eyes]

((UpDownMiddleGround)), actually, your reaction that you have explained here in your thread is pretty normal. You experienced something VERY threatening and you reacted with a flight response. Once a person is away from the danger or trauma there is always a period of "shock" where the person is basically stunned and in a state of disbelief or not really knowing how to feel about what they experienced. The human brain doesn't just automatically "accept" something like what you have described experiencing. A person typically needs to talk about it several times in order for their brain to come to terms that "yes" this really did happen. The brain stores information in several areas so it takes time for a person to actually put the entire story together that includes all of how an event was stored in a person's brain. The brain needs time to review everything that took place including sights, sounds, location, how many people were there, what time of day it was, and so many different things that come together to identify the true danger of suddenly facing something that is such a huge threat. As our brain does this we also begin to experience a lot of different feelings about whatever we experienced as well. It's also VERY normal to not want to return to the environment something like this took place as well. Our brain not only has to access what took place but it also has to learn how to actually accept whatever happened. This desire to find a way to accept "yes this really did happen" includes having a strong desire to talk about it often repeatedly too. Any kind of trauma like this changes a person's personal sense of safety. There are times where if something bad enough took place people will choose not to rebuild or use that environment again. For example, they never rebuilt the twin towers and just ended up putting a monument there. They never used the Newtown grammar school again but instead demolished it and picked an entirely new location to build a new school instead. Every single person that was connected to that Newtown school had to learn how to live their lives again despite having something so horrible dramatically change their lives and ability to feel "safe".

What you experienced is going to take you time to accept and time to regain your personal sense of safety, and it really does take time. This is NORMAL.

[UpDownMiddleGround]

I called my T today and we came up with a time that I can see her on Monday. So many people have so many opinions about what happened that night. I wish it wasn't so present in the media. It just makes me relive the whole event time and time again. Seems like I should be able to let it go. I wasn't hurt after all. Maybe things will get better in a few more days.