Found suicide victim

Hi, i already have complex ptsd from childhood abuse. Lots of triggers, really bad. I live in a 5th wheel at a small rv park. 2 days ago i stepped out of my back door and my neghbor had taken their life. Omg i will never forget this, i dont know if i can live here anymore but cant afford to move. It's causing me great anxiety and I don't know what to do with all these emotions any panic attacks them having every time I think about going Out My Backdoor. I just really don't know how to deal with this I've never seen anything like that before.

Hello aq: I'm sorry you had this difficult experience. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. There is a sub-forum dedicated to the subject of cPTSD. Here's a link just in case you haven't already found it:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/complex-ptsd/

And then here are links to some articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

What Triggers You?

Coping with Flashbacks

Complex PTSD | Psychotherapy Matters

9 Ways to Reduce Anxiety Right Here, Right Now

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-smal...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/top-10-...s-for-anxiety/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

aq I'm so sorry you had to deal with that

Hi, welcome to PC! I'm so sorry this happened. That's terrible. Kit

I'm sorry. I hope being here and having support will help.

Wish I could say something to help it go away. Sorry that you experienced that. It's like nothing else. It's not like other trauma. I feel you. You're not alone.

Thanks guys for your help and thoughts. Its a crazy life , im gettin used to ducking.

I just dont understand the public display. He was found right in front of his camper. Outside, i olened my door and it was crazy, right there.

Wow I can only imagine how bad seeing that would be. Welcome to PC

How truly horrible. Did you know the person at all?

Yes i knew him, spoke to him, but not well. I usually jist try to keep to myself and hide my crazy. But i been here 2 years , they have already seen it, lol.

Well - coming from someone who used to self injure in areas that others would not be able to avoid seeing .. I can guess the public display was he/she felt their cries for help were being ignored or outright shoved back at them to the point he/she knew talking was not an option. I chose self injury as my outlet in those days .. I also attempted a few times, but it was my self injuries that were public my attempts I tried to keep "semi-private". So basically .. it was the person speaking in the only way they knew how anymore

I am sorry you found the person though. I can only imagine the effect that has on you. ❤

I guess your right, but i just cud have done without the additional trauma. I mean how much can a person take. I know he was hurting i just wished he cud have talked to someone. Itsjust such a tragic thing. When i have been suicidal in the past, I just wanted to take a handful of pills and locked my door and go to sleep and never wake up. I felt no need for public display . I think men and women are different in that way. Women think about the mess and the people that are left behind.

I am female too, and that was actually how I did the majority of my attempts too, but bc I went thru 20yrs of people telling me "oh don't worry about it", "everybody has problems, don't be such an attention seeker", "your problems aren't really that bad I don't know why you think they are", etc when I would tell them I or ask where I could get help or ask if I could talk to them - I can understand if he felt like he had no way of speaking to anyone. The way I spoke was but after awhile even that did not work and I didn't know what to do. So I don't know if that's what he went through or not but if he did, that may have been his thinking ...

I know it will leave a horrendous memory in your mind though. For that, I am sorry. *hugs*

Thank you, your so sweet. I am struggling as always with a personal relationship. Acting like a raving lunatic, i dont even recognize, lol.... cant stop my crazy behavior, its worse since this happened.

You aren't acting like a raving lunatic. You are hurting and still reeling (understandably) from what you saw. That isn't going to just go away in a day or two or even a week or two. It will take awhile. Go easy on yourself ❤

Wish everyone was as understanding as you. Thank you sooo much!!

You're welcome.
*hugs*

Do you have a therapist you can talk through & process this suicide trauma with? I found it helps to have a professional who knows how to help to get me through traumatic things.

Definitely a horrible experience for you when already having struggles

My God! That had to be a horrible experience for you . I think everyone is different in how they express their pain. Some do it publically, others are more private. I'm so sorry you had to see your neighbor's public attempt. I understand how hard it is to get out of your mind. Hugs

it helps that they finally removed THE camper. i was never gonna be ok looking at it everyday