[leomama]

I am learning to be much more careful who I talk to about the abuse. I’ve had enough of being blamed for the abuse. It is shocking to me how little responsibility people want to take to help another person out. Has enough else reached the end of their rope in terms of being blamed for the abuse? How did you handle that?

[SorryShaped]

I told them to research what the word abuse is before they ever uttered a single word to me again.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

I told them to research what the word abuse is before they ever uttered a single word to me again.

Love it.

[PumpkinPieHead]

Yes, I am. Reached the end of my rope and went no contact with my own family.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by PumpkinPieHead

Yes, I am. Reached the end of my rope and went no contact with my own family.

Yeah my family is part of the problem in my case, so that goes without saying I don’t talk to them. My dad tried to understand but he has a non involvement stance.

[Unrigged64072835]

I was blamed during my two abusive relationships. I may still be blamed by my daughter, but I've done the best I could to get out of that situation.

[Skeezyks]

Many years ago throughout high school I was bullied, both verbally & physically, by a gang of older boys. It was a daily occurrence. I'm quite certain that if they had ever gotten me alone, they'd have killed me. Everyone, including my parents, knew what was going on. But nobody cared. At one point, one of the gang beat me up breaking my nose. But when he was asked about it, he said I called him a name. So I got blamed for it.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Many years ago throughout high school I was bullied, both verbally & physically, by a gang of older boys. It was a daily occurrence. I'm quite certain that if they had ever gotten me alone, they'd have killed me. Everyone, including my parents, knew what was going on. But nobody cared. At one point, one of the gang beat me up breaking my nose. But when he was asked about it, he said I called him a name. So I got blamed for it.

Sounds familiar. I was never bullied like that but I understand.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Many years ago throughout high school I was bullied, both verbally & physically, by a gang of older boys. It was a daily occurrence. I'm quite certain that if they had ever gotten me alone, they'd have killed me. Everyone, including my parents, knew what was going on. But nobody cared. At one point, one of the gang beat me up breaking my nose. But when he was asked about it, he said I called him a name. So I got blamed for it.

[Nike007]

Yes. I’m thinking more for my assault than abuse but.

For my assault, I reported it to the police and they basically blamed me for what happened. Same with someone really close to me. I didn’t tell my family this either, and I think it’s for the better.

PTSD from MST (Military Sexual Trauma). I learned to stop speaking up about it as I was blamed. I 'asked' for it, I had it coming, what did I think was going to happen?, when I signed up to join I signed up for all aspects of the Navy, this was to be expected. I had no one to blame but myself. This attitude went all the way to the top. I was even accused of putting my predators' military careers in jeopardy by making my accusations.

[peaches100]

My parents don't blame me for the abuse because they flat-out deny that any abuse occurred in the first place. The few times I have tried to tactfully tell my mom about something that felt traumatizing to me as a child, she has turned the tables on me and, yes, blamed me for what happened.

As an example:

Me: Remember when you used to take business trips? I remember it was so hard for me. I didn't want you to go.

Mom: Well, when I was home, you never showed any interest in spending time with me or talking to me anyway, so I figured it didn't matter.

[leomama]

It’s gotten to Where I can now set firm boundaries and stand by them.

[cptsdwhoa]

Oh boy have I! My family (where a lot of my trauma comes from) seems to think I have no reason to think or behave the way I do (or simply doesn't understand me). One of them doesn't even want to address the past. He thinks we should just move on and leave it. Which is so damaging because it robs of the chance to acknowledge the pain and heal.

It's interesting because one of my family members has an Associate's in Social Work. She's considering getting her Bachelor's because she has a scholarship. However, when she heard about my c-ptsd and family fears she couldn't, at first understand how I could feel the way I do. It had to be explained to her. Considering her chosen career field I think she may want to work on understanding other's suffering!

One of my abusers thinks I'm selfish for wanting change and to be treated like I'm an adult with my own life. I reached out to an old friend, and (without overwhelming you by writing a thesis on the history behind our friendship lol) this abuser thinks my friend is influencing me and that she and I must be sleeping together (which has NEVER and will NEVER happen lol). I MUST be wrong in her mind. There just has to be some crazy explanation.

I'm learning that she is a narcissist so that explains a lot about her. I'm handling it by reminding myself that we ALL need to deal with our trauma and brokenness in this family. That means them too. I cannot do it for them. It's okay to care about myself and seek safety. I also lean on my faith in Christ and that helps SO much.

[cptsdwhoa]

Originally Posted by peaches100

My parents don't blame me for the abuse because they flat-out deny that any abuse occurred in the first place. The few times I have tried to tactfully tell my mom about something that felt traumatizing to me as a child, she has turned the tables on me and, yes, blamed me for what happened.

As an example:

Me: Remember when you used to take business trips? I remember it was so hard for me. I didn't want you to go.

Mom: Well, when I was home, you never showed any interest in spending time with me or talking to me anyway, so I figured it didn't matter.

Same!

My grandmother always gets on me about how I dress. I always want my arms covered down to my elbows. I was trying to explain to her I'm insecure about them, and I think I'm that way because of trauma involving my mother. I was a fat kid and my mom dragged me in front of mirror in a rage (pointing out how fat I was and her words on my arms stuck with me) because she found out I was sneaking Oreo cookies.

Well, my grandmother basically just said naahhhh! That was it for her. It couldn't be a problem. I haven't mentioned it since.

[cptsdwhoa]

I have no idea how to handle it. It stems from my family and I'm standing up for myself for the first time. I'm still navigating it. I'm learning how to not believe what they say about me.

[Lilly2]

@justafriend306

I, too, experienced MST. I did not report it.