[Superpower]

Last night I got intense flashbacks and intense insomnia until 5am and I couldn’t sleep. I keep getting flashbacks of being raped but I feel like it's my fault still because I let it happen. I was a minor I was 16-17 with a whole 31 year old I don’t know what was wrong with me. I get it’s not my fault but it still feels that way. My mom said that when we fall in “love” (which I don’t think for a second that’s love I was manipulated into being attached/dependent” when we get attached I guess we aren’t ourselves. I was with him for 4 months while being 16 and two months at 17. He would force me (with his words) to not wear condoms and I was so scared to get pregnant so he convinced me to get me really drunk and punch me in the stomach really hard which happened like twice. Since I agreed to it a part of me feels like it’s my fault. I agreed to it and then he raped me… idk what’s wrong with me. When I would say no he would just coerce me to do it anyway. Hopefully he goes to jail but whenever I go out I’m super paranoid I’ll find him. This has ruined my sleep and given me nightmares. I feel very alone but Atleast I have my mom. I have some nice dreams where I dream of having friends again.

[IsLoveFake]

First off I want to say, I'm so sorry that has happened to you, survivor to survivor, I had a similar experience when I was 17 and the man was 42, it is terrifying and confusing when a teenager is given that kind of attention from an adult especially when it's under the disguise of love or affection. Just because you said yes, doesn't mean it was consensual, especially given your circumstances, children/teenagers can't provide sexual consent to an adult! I will die on this hill, it doesn't matter if you were a child saying yes! he was the adult and you were only 16—period end of the story.

Sexual abuse is not love. It was not a relationship, it was a nightmare come true.

Just know that there are others out there with similar situations, you are never alone, if you need a friend, ill be your friend if you want.

[CANDC]

oh no @Superpower - that is why adults are restricted from relationships with under age girls. They know how to manipulate. No one should have to go through that.

Have you considered getting a therapist that specializes in survivors of abuse?

Another forum here at MSF where you would get empathy for your situation is Survivors of Abuse located here https://mysupportforums.org/survivors-of-abuse/

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]