[stig]

I was diagnosed with PTSD from my psychiatrist, probably because of a lot of things, but I have enormous social fear. I have a fear of being an object of ridicule, like would happen in school. It causes me great discomfort and can make even going to the store stressful.

[RozG]

ermmm...i'm not the smartest person and i goof a lot so you've probably already mentioned this in a previous post...so please forgive my stupidity but...what help are you currently getting for your ptsd? and are you on meds for it?...if you don't mind my asking?

[stig]

I take abilify and effexor.

I see my psychiatrist regurally.

I work and practice my guitar and take lessons.

I try and stay away from negative people.

[RozG]

sounds like you're doing all the right things...sometimes it's not enough

though...and i only say that coz i got ptsd too and sometimes nothing

seems to work and it's tiring...so i hope you find posting helps...just letting

it all out you know?

[stig]

I want to let it all out, but, I am scared.

[RozG]

((Stig))

i know that feeling...pm me if you want...if it would be easier for you.

[stig]

Thanks ((Kalamity)).

[RozG]

any time...it's a sad world if we can't all help each other when we all come here for support.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( stig ))))))))))))

[1oxbowgirl]

((((((stig))))) Your not alone anymore.

[Cyran0]

stig, I went through hell in school. I was physically and verbally assaulted constantly. It's a horrible kind of abuse because society barely recognizes it. And yet I lived in constant fear, I hated myself, I hated the world, and it's taken me fifteen years to get as far as I have.

I come here nearly everyday. PM me if you'd like or we can talk openly in the forums here. I'm always interested in helping anyone who suffered in school.

Cyran0

[bebop]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
stig said:
I want to let it all out, but, I am scared.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

letting it all out starts the healing.

[stig]

It is long and complicated, it just seems all a let down from the belief that the world is a nurturing place to a place of viciousness and hatred.

[Cyran0]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
stig said:
It is long and complicated, it just seems all a let down from the belief that the world is a nurturing place to a place of viciousness and hatred.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I completely relate. I am a dark and cynical person with a dim view of humanity. And yet, an important part of who I am is this sort of hopeful dreamer (I view this part as the inborn or intrinsic part of my personality). These two attitudes are fundamentally at odds with each other but somehow, over the years, I've managed to make it work.

Where I'm at now goes something like this: the world is a violent and indifferent place, humanity is selfish and cruel, but I've seen exceptions to all of this and hold on to hope that we can become something better.

Cyran0

[stig]

Thanks for your insight cyrano.

I have developed tolerence and patience with others, and with myself and my disability.

wish I had something to say...

[GinaM]

((((((((((((((((((stig)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hopefully you will find the strength to let it out soon. It really does start the healing.

<font color="purple">
Aw geez, I know how you feel.
Well, with the hell-school that is.
And the social-ridicule fear.

Please excuse me while I ramble on my story...

It's not like the kids hurt me physicaly or anything, but they attacked me emotionaly like a pack of hungry wolves on a regular basis. By the time I was out of elementary school it was really hard for me to make relations because on some sub-concious level I never trust(ed) anyone my own age. I was sooo bitter and depressed and cynical. But somehow, by some off chance, I saw two kids reading a strategy guide for a videogame together and I decided to come over to them. At first they shot me down and I was really upset ith them...but eventualy, we DID become friends, and ever since then I've become alot more at ease with other people, and have an easier time making friends. (It's not saying much, but it's a start) </font>

[Bansheez]

i had horrible time at school.i was broken down at home and school it was worst. i got bullied alot. i had rocks thrown at me once. enventually i became isolated. one time i stop talking for like 7 monthes. eventually i was so afraid i lash outed. i got shifted schools because my grandparents wanted to keep me away from my mom. ive been backstabbed from so-called friends. i didn't trust really anyone. lets just say. i had a horrible time. i used to go to group therapy. until the courts sent me back to my mom. she thinks therapy is stupid. i feel so trapped...everytime someone trys to get close to me i shut them down. i got diagnosed 7yrs ago with it. probably from my mom i don't even remember half the stuff she did to me. least you can get help im just stuck. i feel like a loser telling this stuff.

stig
I do the same thing
Keep it all inside
It never does any good
But i know how you feel
I hope at somepoint
you can let it out little by little
muffy

[Troy]

Stig ... I've lived your story. We are brothers of the bullyhood or something like that. Like you, everyone knew I was being bullied, all the students, teachers, and parents. I was the skinny kid, beat him ... I don't mean beat him up, like a real boy's fight, i mean beat him. Some of the teachers got in on it in a way.

I never told about the teacher until i reached PC ... many years later.

I'm not diagnosed, but it isn't hard to read up on the symptoms of PTSD and reach some pretty sound conclusions. I finally discovered survivor sites and then PC because i was desperate.

Finding PC is one of the best things ever happened to me. It looks like you've been here awhile so I'm open to any advice along the way. And I'm open to listening or whatever.

It's a crime that bullying is permitted when even verbal assault among adults can be taken to court. Aggravated assault can land adults in jail, but among kids -- who is the protector for the victims?

Troy

[stig]

I was in a rural town with lots of vietnam vets during the 70's in my early childhood and my mother was very mentally ill and had a reputation around town for being insane. People would bait me by making fun of her around me. It got worse, ..

(((( stig ))))

That is heartbreaking to hear.

I am so sorry.

[Troy]

Aw, Stig... what a terrible experience for a kid.
Sorry this happened.

Troy

[stig]

thanks

[stig]

My father hung himself my freshman year of High school after my mother was commited multiple times to psychiatric wards and they divorced when I was 5 years old. He had problems with drinking booze everyday, like many people back then. He became very much in debt and he was ostrasized by many members of our family. I had to walk the halls of a 2000 kid high school with all this baggage while living with my grandparents and my mother would steal my SSI checks from my fathers death. She moved away when I was 10. Once it all became too much and my math teacher asked me why I had run out of the class in tears. I couldn't articluate inbetween my tears and confusion was all I could communicate to him. He told me he was there to help me have a better future, that's it. Odviously not to coddle me. I gave up on seeking help around then, until it was a necessity. Then I asked for help from nurses and people who also had broken hearts, and knew how to talk to me. I stabilized after many years of inner desolation, unbearable at times. Thanks for reading this :I