[rawrr]

I was only 14 years old.
We had a dance that night.
Word got spread of a party at my house.
I was so excited.
This was a big step up on my popularity level.
After the dance, everyone started showing up at my house.
In the end, at least 60 people showed up.
I got do drinking, like i always do.
I didnt have my own supply, so i had to buy it from someone.
We'll call him %#@&#!.
He sold me 10 beers.
Cheap.
I drank 7 of them, gave the rest to my friends.
I wanted more though, so he sold us some segrems 7.
he gave the 3 "drinks" of it.
it really turned in to 3 gigantic chugs of it.
i know, i was stupid.
People start to leave.
The next thing i know, im sitting on the tailgate, and %#@&#! is standing in front of me , holding me.
And then kissing me.
And then whispering in my ear "i wanna %#@&#! you so bad".
that freaked me out.
he was one of my brothers friends.
wede known him for years.
then next thing i know, im being dragged behind my house.
hes on top of me, taking off my jeans and panties.
And then hes having sex with me.
I wanted him to stop.
So much.
I was so drunk, i couldnt even talk.
i started crying.
i tried to cry loud.
but no one was around to hear me.
he got done, got up, and walked away.
my mom came outside, pissed off, and made me and my best friends go to bed.
So we did.
She told %#@&#! that if hed beein drinking to sleep in the livingroom.
she went back to bed.
he sneaked into my room.
I was concious, but blacked out.
i dont remember it.
bits and pieces i can recall.
He took advantage of me again.
with my friends in the room.
they didnt stop him becuase i didnt scream.
i couldnt scream.
i was screaming inside, though.
so loud it hurt.
I woke up in the moring, still a little bit buzzed.
%#@&#! was still in my bed.
I went to pull up my jeans and realized they werent on.
neither were my underwear, and i was bleeding.
I was a virgin.
w-a-s.
not anymore.
i didnt want to tell anyone.
i wanted to forget about it.
it got around school.
my mom found out. made me tell her the truth.
i did.
she called the cops, took me to the hospital.
luckily, i wasnt pregnant.
friends that ive had all of my life, turned their backs on me.
to them, i was a liar. i just wanted attention.
and now.
all i need is help.
ive been through therapy.
it didnt work.
i drink to take the pain away.
i need to know where to go from here.

[Juliaspavlov]

sorry that happened to you.Rape is horrible.
abandonment by friends is horrible too.
I also have been raped many times.
I suppose the thing to do is to still become the great person you can be.
Drinking submerges the great you.
I tried it binge drinking etc was an alcoholic
Tell others of your pain
until you felt heard.
kind thoughts to you ....JoeyJulia

I hear your screams.....

[Mouse_]

((hatewhoivebecome))

[Soidhonia]

(((WHO IVE BECOME))). I am sorry for the trauma that you have been through in the past. I hope you can find the support here at Psych Central. There is also a lot of support in the Chat rooms as well when you need someone to chat with in person. I hope you will consider seeing a therapist since you are still having issues with your past and you need help moving on with your life. Take care of yourself and try to stay safe. Soidhonia

[BalishBun]

You said the cops were called, i sure hope he got some sort of punishment. I cant say i hope he got what was coming to him because it would take so so much to get him back for all of what hes done to you.

[Justgiving]

Sweetie, maybe it's a good idea to go see a therapist. It's too hard to deal with this alone.

We care and you are always welcome to talk about it here too.