[(JD)]

My T is going to try and help me again tomorrow in understanding why with each dilemma I face and become disappointed with, I crash to hopelessness, and suicidality. If I can just remember this, that would be good... but it's so automatic to crash... there's no thought involved, I'm there before I realize it.

I don't know if he will be able to "get through" to me in tomorrow's session... it just seems that stuff my brain "knows" it doesn't learn.. or hears... it doesn't learn... and only recognizes it when the T tells me again.. and again...and again
...to the next time, and after the time after that... when I say, what's wrong with me, why can't I learn this? .... ah garbage.. I can't remember what he says even for that! I know he answers.. I'll try to remember to post it here... heck I'll try to remember...

[silver_queen]

Maybe you could sum up what he says into a sentence, and write it somewhere in your sight, so that when you feel down, you read it and know it isn't your fault?

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((( sky ))))))))))))))

have t write it down for you to read over and over again? that's what works here.

i hope you feel better,

kd

[(JD)]

yeah... I do have him write stuff down for me... just a sentence or so.. he always uses the yellow legal pad paper. I don't use that here at home so his notes always stand out in the mesh of stuff. I try putting them into the journal, but since when I'm over stressed I don't get to the journal to write... sigh.

Ok so I'll try and remember to tell him tomorrow to write something pithy! javascript:void(0)

[kimmydawn]

sky,

if it's not long and mostly one-liners, can you put them up at a place that you frequent? the fridge, bathroom door or mirror, something like that?

kd

I'd love it if my T would write things down. I am such a space cadet when I am there, I never remember a word he says. I'd love to have it on paper. It would be partly what he writes, but it's also a transitional object I can take away with me. Just having a record of that session, even that place, that it actually exists (see how spacey I get??), would be really helpful for me.

Sky - I do hope you have a good session. Good luck and safe journey.

emmy

[Fuzzybear]

Doesn't it suck how it's so much harder to recall the good words (good object?) ...

[colors]

Hi Sky,

So sorry to hear your going thru this. Maybe you need rest? I mean sometimes when things go this way for me it is because there is too much happening at once.

Hope you feel better soon.

Colors

[(JD)]

... sigh... forgot to ask him... it's an ongoing topic I think now... how I'm blocking him from helping. go figure.

I definitely need REST... my sleep at night just isn't restorative at all... and almost everything is overwhelming.

Tks colors, fuzzy, emily, kimmy, silver....

have to remember to write myself a note to remind me to ask him... ????

Ya, I saw mine today. At end of session he said stuff which I knew was important, and I was off in lala land, so I asked him to repeat it - I leaned forward and REALLY listened. Now, do I have a clue what he said at this moment???? Nope, not one. D'oh.

Emmy the wonder dog

[obsids]

I have problems with my brain trying to dissociate whenever there is the potential to be triggered again. I used to chalk it all up to just being a space cadet. But these days, I think it is my brain trying to protect me, even if it is something that would have been useful.

My pdoc told me yesterday that PTSD physically and chemically changes the way your nervous system and brain respond to stimuli... he was talking more specifically about my different meds, but it applies to everything. Maybe one of those changes is spacing out things that other people say as an involuntary defense mechanism. Does that make any sense? Or am I still being loopy?! LOL!

I hope things start looking up for you soon.

*hugs*

Obsidian

[(JD)]

Yep nope The stuff you're chalking up to being space cadet is PTSD. So you are making sense, and no, you're not being loopy. hehehehe

yes, with PTSD, your brain has stopped catagorizing material properly... if at all. It's like it quit filing all the pages we send it... and they stack up and topple over and we rarely find what we want ...

repetition and discovery and understanding is what it takes to retrain the brain (change chemicals back) to something more useful for us... and to quit REacting about stuff connected to a trauma...