I did it.....

Hi guys thanks for the support this is hard work. This AM I am ok. The body flash backs are just mild. I really would love to Pm someone with a question if they know what I am going through. Both of my T's left a message on my voicemail telling me I am not alone and I am ok. I tried the M & M painkiller idea and it kinda worked. I had nightmeres last night but not about the kidnapping suprising. It was a dream that I was a kid in a foster home and I was being moved and I couldnt call my therapists to say goodbye and I was crying on this airplane because I was mad that i was just starting to get better and I was being moved to a new home far far away from my T's. It was heart breaking. I was so happy to wake up but it triggered me alot reminding me of all the times i was moved in foster homes and had to leave people behind. I think my whole time in and out of the foster care system i was moved like 30 times. In fact a month or so after the kidnapping i was put in a foster home probably number 6 or so. I was living with my mom but she was in jail alot and they would remove us then give us back. Sometimes they left us at home alone i am assuming that my mom told them that we were somewhere safe. After the kidnapping the newspaper pretty much crucified my mom. That wasnt helpful because she took it out on us. The cheif of police basically called my mom stupid. I have read the newspaper articles about 3 years ago when I went back to where it happened. The man who kidnapped me and my sister then the next day he got another girl and almost killed her he was caught and the police accidently broke his leg. He got 50 years in prison and he is out on parole and is registered as a violent/sexual offender and he keep getting thrown back in jail for using drugs he then serves 2 years then is released. The judge ordered him to pay for all the treatment we would need but of course he isnt even working. The judge said during the sentencing I wasnt there but i read the newspaper article three years ago, the judge said that he was researching how this would effect us girls and he said that it would effect us badly for the rest of our life and he was angry so he gave him the maximum. That kinda comforts me now as an adult Im glad I didnt hear that as a kid though. The funny thing is after i was taken to foster homes a month after I was in therapy for a couple of sessions and the therapist asked me about this kidnapping i didnt talk to him and after those few therapy sessions it was never talked about again ever by anyone, No one told me that he was caught that he was in jail no one asked me how I was doing. I moved and moved and moved and with each move I lost more and more of myself and pushed this kidnapping further and further away. looking back I now I had ptsd then and no one ever helped me. The system really failed.Thanks for reading.