[chalmette70043]

having this PTSD, having this damn bipolar crap. I hate the anxiety that comes with it all. It feels like somedays its going to kill me. The ups and downs drive me insane. I want my life back. I want to see pretty landscapes on front lawns, i want to see houses where they once stood, i want the abandoned and falling down crap to disappear from my view and go to hell.

Life shouldnt be this way. It shouldnt stay in your face everytime you look out the window. You should be surrounded by your family and friends like life is meant to be. Not seperated and rarely seeing them. It breaks the heart to spend your life in despare.

Its not fair and i'm tired of being told that life just aint fair. Its not all in my head, its in my feelings and emotions too. I'm not the only one here that hurts so bad. But i'm one of many that says bring it on, so i can float up face down.

[freespirit1980]

Originally Posted by chalmette70043

having this PTSD, having this damn bipolar crap. I hate the anxiety that comes with it all. It feels like somedays its going to kill me. The ups and downs drive me insane. I want my life back. I want to see pretty landscapes on front lawns, i want to see houses where they once stood, i want the abandoned and falling down crap to disappear from my view and go to hell.

Life shouldnt be this way. It shouldnt stay in your face everytime you look out the window. You should be surrounded by your family and friends like life is meant to be. Not seperated and rarely seeing them. It breaks the heart to spend your life in despare.

Its not fair and I'm tired of being told that life just isn't fair. Its not all in my head, its in my feelings and emotions too. I'm not the only one here that hurts so bad. But i'm one of many that says bring it on, so i can float up face down.

Boy do I hear you my friend. I feel exactly the same way about my PTSD. And I too have been estranged from my family for years, as they don't understand this disorder; Instead, they judge and ridicule.

You are right: It's not fair. It really isn't. But then again, neither is life as a whole. I believe we all look the logic in life, when the truth is life is illogical.

[MINIME]

I understand. Im sorry that u feel sad.

((((((((((((((Chalmette))))))))))))))))))))))

So sorry Chal, just know you will lways be in my thoughts .... you have and always will be one of my best friends here and i just wish i could make things etter for you .... love always, Kerry xoxoxoxoxo

[Justgiving]

PTSD is really hard to deal with and sometime I think that people who have never suffered from it can't understand. They can't understand why we just can't pushed it inside and move on.



No it's not fair. I'm sorry you have to go throught this.

[freespirit1980]

Originally Posted by Justgiving

PTSD is really hard to deal with and sometime I think that people who have never suffered from it can't understand. They can't understand why we just can't pushed it inside and move on.



No it's not fair. I'm sorry you have to go throught this.

Giving:

I couldn't agree with you more. This has certainly been my experience. So what do I do? I don't tell anyone about the PTSD unless I feel super-safe and loved by that person.

I'm truly tired with the B.S. tough bravado mentality in this society. What happened to the compassion and love.

[chalmette70043]

A comment was made tonite in a chat room about pstd. Just forgetting what happened and moving on. then the question was asked, is that to harsh to say.

Well it hurt me, so yes it was harsh to say in front of me.

It instantly brought me back to sometime in October of 2005. I was standing in line at a Walmart with a basket of new stuff, clothes, underwear, deodorant, soap, towels, you name it i needed it. I lost it all.

This man behind me asks if im a Katrina victim. I said, well yeah i guess i am. then he went on to say that a year earlier his house caught fire. The back screened in porch caught fire cause of some wiring. He said the fire burnt through the wall to their kitchen. He said they had to get new appliances for the kitchen and had to rebuild that wall and back porch. Then he goes on to say if i got through that i dont see what all you people are crying about. Ya'll need to just get over it.

I looked at him and i said, get over it. Just get over it. Well you didnt lose your entire house, everything you own, your family, your friends, your neighbors, your community, the entire town you live in. The movie theatre you went to, the school you graduated from, the church you went too. If you had lost that i think you would have a hard time getting over it too.

Then he said to me. Get over it and go to hell.

So like someone said just above. No one will understand trauma unless they've been there themselves.

Thank ya'll for responding. I needed the words and support.
chal

A comment was made tonite in a chat room about pstd. Just forgetting what happened and moving on. then the question was asked, is that to harsh to say.

I am sooooo so sorry that happened to you Chalmette.

I would not want to wish trauma on anyone, but it's the only way one could even begin to understand how it effects the rest of your life.

And I agree. It was too harsh. This is a support site.

[ryan11]

Originally Posted by chalmette70043

having this PTSD, having this damn bipolar crap. I hate the anxiety that comes with it all. It feels like somedays its going to kill me. The ups and downs drive me insane. I want my life back. I want to see pretty landscapes on front lawns, i want to see houses where they once stood, i want the abandoned and falling down crap to disappear from my view and go to hell.

Life shouldnt be this way. It shouldnt stay in your face everytime you look out the window. You should be surrounded by your family and friends like life is meant to be. Not seperated and rarely seeing them. It breaks the heart to spend your life in despare.

Its not fair and i'm tired of being told that life just aint fair. Its not all in my head, its in my feelings and emotions too. I'm not the only one here that hurts so bad. But i'm one of many that says bring it on, so i can float up face down.

Its been so long for me that it feels as if my life were never my own, I wish it back yet I only have an idea of what it wouldve been like, how I musthave felt when my mind was young. I try not to hate everything, I try to stay numb.

[Tired12]

Chal,
I tried to get over it. In 1993 a week after my brother was murdered I returned to School to be told by my Dean that 'life goes on'.....'we take knocks'. At 16 I thought it was good advice but 15 years later my tough stance has bit back. I see it now as learning to live with it, not fight it. But it still drives me crazy PTSD sux.

[freespirit1980]

Originally Posted by Tired12

Chal,
I tried to get over it. In 1993 a week after my brother was murdered I returned to School to be told by my Dean that 'life goes on'.....'we take knocks'. At 16 I thought it was good advice but 15 years later my tough stance has bit back. I see it now as learning to live with it, not fight it. But it still drives me crazy PTSD sux.

I have found there are two types of people in this world: those that are cerebral and those who live in their hearts. Cerebral people seem to hang out in their heads and stuff their emotions. They can't feel, so they are threatened by those who can. The heart people, on the other hand, are completely in touch with their feelings -- all of them: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I have ended several relationships with the cerebral and don't get involved with them any longer. It was a smart move on my part.

My attitude is very simple: If you can't treat me or my disorder with compassion, you can go straight to hell. Don't pass go; don't collect $200.

[chalmette70043]

Thank you ((Orange))

I lived the first year or so numb, staring off into space, blank face. Everything was so surreal. No colors down here, only grey from all the water and marsh mud all over. Now three years later, my anger has surfaced to a major high. I fluctuate between the numb and anger. I still live with a surreal feeling, its just not as strong.

I've been seeing a counsler for about a year now, i think. She has been working to help me deal with the ptsd, but not pushing it on me. I had earlier traumas in life that she is focusing on, to help me get past that first. But there are times something comes up about the present. Last week while sitting in the waiting area waiting for her, i noticed across the street that the weeds were a good 7 feet tall and it really started to pisss me off. Cause its all over the parish here, even on my street. Its just businesses and residents that never came back and dont care. When i went in with her i asked her if it bothered her, those high weeds. She said she never really thought about it, but asked me what i thought. I told her. She tried to get me to elaborate on more things that make me angry. But i wouldnt go there. I knew what i would turn into if i did.

I have a bad problem, since childhood of holding everything in and not talking about it. So, talking about the storm from the day we evacuated to the present is still binded inside. Though i give her peeks at it at times. I dont know how i was able to write about the first week here awhile back, but somehow i did. Some friends here and my counsler encouraged me to write it down. First and only time i've done it. Lately, i've been having some try to encourge me to go into the second week. But at that time, back then, it was really bad and not somewhere i choose to go at this time. Like i said, i'd rather keep it bottled up safe inside.

I know the only way to heal is to get it out. But also know it will never go away, it will just be easier to live with it.

I hope my anger and talking this way doesnt upset or trigger anyone. Cause in no way am i trying to do that.

Thank ya'll for sharing your lives with me. It helps me.

hugs,
chal

[MINIME]

If someone told me to "get over it" i would be not very happy. I would say shut up.

[ColorMeSunny]

My gosh, I have thought for the past 18 months ( actually an additional 6 years before getting safely out of an extremely violent relationship) that I was the only person on the planet whose daughters turned their back and ceased all communication due to the violence and 18 months of CHRONIC POST TRUMATIC STRESS. * I'm certainly not wishing this life on anyone, however reading ya'lls post has been the first time I've ever heard others with this painful situation. * I've one question...has anyone also lost all neighbors and friends in addition to family, if so how are you coping.
BE SAFE,
SUNNY

[freespirit1980]

Originally Posted by ColorMeSunny

My gosh, I have thought for the past 18 months ( actually an additional 6 years before getting safely out of an extremely violent relationship) that I was the only person on the planet whose daughters turned their back and ceased all communication due to the violence and 18 months of CHRONIC POST TRUMATIC STRESS. * I'm certainly not wishing this life on anyone, however reading ya'lls post has been the first time I've ever heard others with this painful situation. * I've one question...has anyone also lost all neighbors and friends in addition to family, if so how are you coping.
BE SAFE,
SUNNY

Sunny:

You're clearly not alone. What you described is part and parcel of PTSD. I no longer speak with family, and I have had to let go of some friends who didn't understand what I was going through. In fact, you guys are the only friends I have.

[chalmette70043]

Due to the storm, the majority of this parish(county) never came back. Every single friend of mine moved away. My only contact with them is by phone or email. And with my ptsd its hard for me to push mysellf to keep the contact. We've grown apart, but once a year do come together and have a bbq or boil. But while spending that time together the talk is nothing but of what happened and their opinions of why people even moved back. It makes me feel absolutley awful because i did come back. They say how devastated it still is and it will never change for the better. I once had faith it would.

As far as neighbors, 8 came back out of 36 homes on my street. But in some households the families split because some wanted home and some wanted to move.

Not one of my old neighbors with children came back, so its very quiet on the street. I really miss the sound of children playing.

I need to stop right now talking about this, i'm gettig triggered. I'm sorry. I hope I helped in answering your question.

chal

[chalmette70043]

Minime, I hear that so often. "Get over it" "Its been three years, its not news any more". Locally, on the news, peoples comments from out of state, the govt. It hurts very badly and upsets me, but I've learned to ignore it at most times.

[ColorMeSunny]

Originally Posted by freespirit1980

Sunny:

You're clearly not alone. What you described is part and parcel of PTSD. I no longer speak with family, and I have had to let go of some friends who didn't understand what I was going through. In fact, you guys are the only friends I have.

FreeSpirit:

It appears to me that you are still making and maintaining friendship albeit via the internet. Therefore you are making progress.

My solution has to recently volunteer at our local marine science center as in the education department. I served on our local museum board for 4 years, after less than a year I resigned due to him.

I'm currently struggling with the fear of failure for having it drilled into my head for so long. I'm an educated woman, licensed to teach doctors, nurses, and pharmacist, ect. for 19 years for the state. HE IS NOT GOING TO TAKE MY PASSION FOR RESEARCH, EDUCATION, and TEACHING AWAY FROM ME.

Taking my family and friends left me with no much else.

No doubt you are a strong woman too, yet remain vernable just as I do. Your contributions to this forum are well founded.

Peace, Hope & Faith
SUNNY

[ColorMeSunny]

[quote=ColorMeSunny;822343]FreeSpirit:

It appears to me that you are still making and maintaining friendship albeit via the internet. Therefore you are making progress.
My solution has to recently volunteer at our local marine science center as in the education department. I served on our local museum board for 4 years, after less than a year I resigned due to him.
I'm currently struggling with the fear of failure for having it drilled into my head for so long. I'm an educated woman, licensed to teach doctors, nurses, and pharmacist, ect. for 19 years for the state. HE IS NOT GOING TO TAKE MY PASSION FOR RESEARCH, EDUCATION, and TEACHING AWAY FROM ME.
Taking my family and friends left me with no much else.
No doubt you are a strong woman too, yet remain vernable just as I do. Your contributions to this forum are well founded.

Peace, Hope & Faith
SUNNY

[ColorMeSunny]

Originally Posted by chalmette70043

Due to the storm, the majority of this parish(county) never came back. Every single friend of mine moved away. My only contact with them is by phone or email. And with my ptsd its hard for me to push mysellf to keep the contact. We've grown apart, but once a year do come together and have a bbq or boil. But while spending that time together the talk is nothing but of what happened and their opinions of why people even moved back. It makes me feel absolutley awful because i did come back. They say how devastated it still is and it will never change for the better. I once had faith it would.

As far as neighbors, 8 came back out of 36 homes on my street. But in some households the families split because some wanted home and some wanted to move.

Not one of my old neighbors with children came back, so its very quiet on the street. I really miss the sound of children playing.

I need to stop right now talking about this, i'm gettig triggered. I'm sorry. I hope I helped in answering your question.

chal

CHAL,

First and foremost, kindly know my intention was not to provide a "trigger".
I hope you can and will accept my sincere apology.

In addition, yes you have provided me with some insight.

With Faith, Hope, and Love;
SUNNY