[obsids]

Stupid me..

I moderate a yahoo group. An ex-friend of mine, someone who hurt me very badly, posted to it yesterday, and I just saw the posts this morning. This is someone who accused and still accuses me of stalking and controlling him.

What happened is that he saw an email that I wrote to a different friend. I was having a very bad day and said something negative about him in the email. Instead of confronting me about it, he gave me the silent treatment. Finally after a couple months and several unanswered inquiries, he blew up at me and accused me of trying to control him. But he wouldn't accept my apologies. He wouldn't even talk to me about it. Instead, he said things to people about the whole thing that he knew would get back to me. And meanwhile, this other friend of mine (who is friends with him in real life) won't talk about it, won't help me try to understand what on earth is going on. But she has been more distant lately, polite but distant. So I think she is pissed at me too, but is too polite to say anything.

This, of course, has retriggered my PTSD and my general anxiety problems. Once again, I am on the verge of ditching my friends online because I don't feel I can trust anyone any more. Trust has always been difficult for me. And right now, I want to retreat.

I am trying not to overreact, but the PTSD makes me very edgy and reactive, and well, I don't think I need to explain that...

I think I have been stupid for trusting anyone again.

Obsidian

[Rapunzel]

I can understand it being hard to trust people after that experience. If you can, try to step back and remember that not everyone hurts you, in fact most people don't. There is a risk involved when you trust people, and I can't deny that, but if you don't trust people then you can know for sure that you will be hurt, because we need people in our lives. Even though past experience tends to top the scales in the direction of not trusting people, I don't think the safety could ever be worth the isolation and lack of support and all that you would miss out on. Think of all your friends who have not hurt you.

((((((((hugs if ok))))))))))
Rapunzel

[(JD)]

(((obsids))) Retreat if you must! You can always regroup yourself and try again later. Those outside groups can be brutal! I am also in a yahoo group and I won't play along ..their games are selfish and inconsiderate. I also try to go to a "Christian" site and they are almost MORE cruel than the secular sites! People just don't have anyone in mind but themselves... EXCEPT FOR HERE (and maybe someplace I haven't found yet?)

PTSD requires us to protect ourselves. When we get into situations like this, it doesn't do any good to "stick it out" or force ourselves to stay. PTSD doesn't work that way. It will only change with constant positive regard and as little negative as possible...we have to delete as much negative as possible.

DocJohn has a great support site here. You will find ppl of all ages and of all types of opinions. The one thing we do have in common is that we do our best to support each other. This site has become so active this last year, that now you can find someone in chat almost any time! And you can always come and read or post.

You aren't stupid. PTSD is a beast.

[obsids]

Thank you, Sky. Your words are very true and very wise. This is the only place so far that I have found that feels even remotely safe. I don't even feel safe in my own locked LJ any more!

Obsidian

[obsids]

Rapunzel,

Perhaps I am a cynic at heart, but my list of people that have NOT hurt me or betrayed me is very short.

[SadieMae]

I am new so forgive me if I am not supposed to respond directly. Here's my thought on other people getting you down. This is what I try to tell myself when I feel that way: Don't let anyone steal your thunder! No one should have the power to take your right to a peaceful existence. If someone tries to bring me down, I remind them and myself that they don't have my permission. Peace!