[Behindthecouch]

Hi all,

I'm kind of new to PTSD as a diagnosis rather than just "the way I react to stuff sometimes" so I apologise in advance for any faux pas.

My question is this - can therapy actually make me worse?

Since starting therapy and delving in to certain material I have experienced anxiety, which became panic disorder and panic attacks which are now fairly intense. I recently reached a place with T where I revealed some pretty heinous historical events and if anything I am now even worse. Think insomnia/nightmares, shaking, flashbacks, dissociation, more panic attacks etc.

Will this work through or should I quit before it gets worse?

Any advice gratefully received

BTC.

[SpottedOwl]

(((BehindtheCouch)))

Accessing old memories can bring up a lot of symptoms that have been 'in hiding'. It is possible to re-traumatize during therapy.

It is very important that you take therapy *at your own pace*. There is no need to talk about everything all at once, and I would encourage just taking a small piece at a time, or it can get totally overwhelming.

Have you talked with your doctor about all of these symptoms? Is T helping you figure out ways to cope with this?

From my own experience, the therapy work seems to be cyclical. I will dive into an issue, symptoms will surface, I focus on what the changes could be telling me, take actions, feel relief. Then, when I am feeling stronger again, another issue will inevitably come up.

Please be really kind to yourself through this process, and talk with T as much as possible about what is going on. Some Ts may not be as good at trauma work as others, so you may want to consider your options.

[Behindthecouch]

Hey Spotted one,

Hmm how to respond. I believe T is trauma-experienced more by accident than design. There is no psych doc or plan here. This is private therapy that I have to pay for myself (UK= no insurance issues but also no free mental healthcare unless you count the NHS which I don't) so I just happened to find her and she just happened to be experienced in this area I didnt know to look at thought PTSD was just something that happened to soldiers.

I am on meds from GP (standard medical doc) for dep which also covers some symptoms of PTSD.

Have been going at own pace but lots of material. Lots of different **** coming up. In fairness she has been real patient with me trying to talk about stuff but only now, a year in, we are getting to the real tricky stuff.

Thanks for the kind words.

BTC

[skymonk]

I'm going through the same thing&am finding that the symptoms of the PTSD can worsen when I discuss something traumatic. My T isn't very helpful w/advice. He always tells me not to worry&to quit beating myself up about things. My symptoms have caused problems between my bf&I. At times I say or do things&then suddenly he's angry&yelling at me&I'm often left baffled as to what I said or did that warranted such a reaction. I don't know what to tell you except that I've wondered the same thing.

[SpottedOwl]

(((BTC)))

Will this work through or should I quit before it gets worse?

A few other ideas for you, on things that I've done trying to work through the symptoms.

Educate yourself about PTSD, which really helps to normalize the experience. A great website I just found: http://giftfromwithin.org/

I should warn you that reading some of the articles might be triggering, so go at a pace that is comfortable.

I started an 'emotion book'. Sometimes words seem to get in the way of feeling, so I would sit down with my blank book and a bunch of markers, and draw whatever I was feeling. I only use the book to explore my emotions...simple words, pictures, colors...whatever comes out.

I try to remember my dreams, and work with the images in therapy and on my own. I've had some powerful breakthroughs with dreams.

When I was having a particularly rough patch, I started regularly exercising. I decided I *wanted* to feel better, and after exercising I always felt better. It has really helped.

I eat as many fresh fruits and vegetables as I can. Again, this helps me feel better, and it helps my body process the by-products of the stress.

Notice things outside your body. Notice the sounds, the light, the feel of your feet on the floor. Our emotions can go into overload, so it can be useful to revert to the tactile world for some balance.

It sounds like you have a great team of doctors. Hang in there, be kind to yourself, and it is totally possible for the symptoms to pass.

[Tired12]

Hi BTC

Yes, I do believe T can make PTSD worse. For this reason I have not been in any T for the past 4 years as my pdoc said it was a not a good idea. He went on to suggest is may never be a good idea. But, this year I have started T and yes I am having difficulty, I have made progress, very slow progress. I often need to take a step back and ask myself am I doing the right thing, this is when the symptoms are at their worst. But they do pass, sometimes in a few days sometimes in a few weeks. I am learning to be kind to myself during this not so nice time. Allowing myself time I seam to bounce back and see the possitive effect T is having on me and as a result decide to continue.
Each one of us is so different, give yourself time, see if there is a cycle with your symptoms (ie when they peak, if they calm). If they don't calm to a level where they are bareable, I would talk to T.
Good luck
It is such hard work

[Behindthecouch]

Thanks everyone,

I have an email drafted saying "that's it. I'm out" but I'm gonna try one more session but this time I'm going to write down everything that I go through this week so maybe T and I both get a better idea what is going on.

I don't think if it gets much worse I'll be able to continue. T support is one thing but she doesn't have to go through this every day, I do. Alas.

Thanks for all the support.

BTC.

[Behindthecouch]

Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

Educate yourself about PTSD, which really helps to normalize the experience. A great website I just found: http://giftfromwithin.org/

This is great - thanks!

Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

I started an 'emotion book'. Sometimes words seem to get in the way of feeling, so I would sit down with my blank book and a bunch of markers, and draw whatever I was feeling. I only use the book to explore my emotions...simple words, pictures, colors...whatever comes out.

I'll try this this week

Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

I try to remember my dreams, and work with the images in therapy and on my own. I've had some powerful breakthroughs with dreams.

I try **not** to remember dreams - that's half the problem right now

Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

When I was having a particularly rough patch, I started regularly exercising. I decided I *wanted* to feel better, and after exercising I always felt better. It has really helped.

I eat as many fresh fruits and vegetables as I can. Again, this helps me feel better, and it helps my body process the by-products of the stress.

This I have covered and you're right - it does help!

Thanks again!

BTC.x

[MissCharlotte]

Hi,

I have experienced retraumatization in therapy and both T and I have been very concerned. We talk about how to manage the "fallout." T regularly lectures me just like a parent on nutrition and exercise--lol.

I try to eat healthy and get regular exercise--it really helps a lot. I usually take a yoga class once a week but for the past six weeks I've only been able to go once and I feel the difference. T said at least it might help you to move the energy out of your body and I said that I'd be satisfied with moving it around so it's not all stuck in my head or my heart. (If that makes any sense at all!)

I also use coloring/pastels/paints to both in session and out to try and capture feelings and I write a lot of poetry. I use klonopin (an anti anxiety med) if I am stuck in a repetitive ptsd memory cycle with something playing over and over n my head. I do this to try and break the cycle.

There are those times when I simply fall apart, but they seem to be fewer and further between now...

It's just so hard to remember all of these tools when you are "in it"!

Take care and good luck. It's worth staying the course--just take it slow!

[Behindthecouch]

Hey Miss,

Thanks for the thoughts - helpful as always

Unfortunately things have progressed since last week and despite doing everything suggested above including writing out stuff, I'm now going to be taking a break from T for a while. T suggested deliberately retraumatising, ie flooding which makes me doubt not my sanity but perhaps hers.

I would like to be able to take things at my own pace however this is not being permitted so I am taking things in to my own hands and taking a "time out".

Ho hum

Thanks for the support though guys!

BTC

[MissCharlotte]

Wow, I hope you are feeling better today. I am sorry this happened but it sounds like you are taking action that you are sure is in your best interest and that's GREAT self care!

When I became retraumatized we slowed down and T never does much at all until I bring it up first. Hmmm

Take gentle care.

[phoenix7]

Hi BTC,

there are many diff types of therapy for ptsd - maybe this therapist wasnt the right one for you - i went to see two before i found the right one for me - so give it a break but maybe try again when you feel stronger - perhaps somewhere else - and go at your own pace - sometimes i need a little push but i am always able to say stop when i get overwhelmed and then he helps me deal with that - i hope things work out for you - P7