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#1
Nov 28, 2008, 11:53 AM
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I love my new foster family...but I can't help but not get over the past...
i've never openly talked about this before. Triggering...very very triggering. My parents were never happy. Not ever. My older brother and sister were always causing trouble...they never liked that. Dad used to like to hit the bottle...a lot. Mum used to try and stop him but it didnt work. Dad never liked me cause I was "different"...so locked in the room I went. Stayed in there for hours and hours and heard smashing smashing smash breaking stuff. Locked in there for hours. One day I had the nerve to pick the lock on my door...went out. Blood. blood blood all over the floor and the wall and mum. Mum crying. Dad had bloody hands and brother and sister had bloody faces. Dad wailed on them until they fell down and not moved. Lying there with no life left. dead dead dead. dad screams it was an accident horrible horrible mistake. mum calls police and dad cries and cries and cries. he goes to jail and i live alone with mum for a long long time. dreary time. dont remember. dad comes back kind of better...plead insanity. cant live in that house anymore...cant ever go back....i can't i can't. funerals are allowed to come in doubles. they are not fun. hate dad. hate mum. hate new baby brother that came after. i never want to see them again.  i may be away from my past but it is always on the edge of my tail isnt it? 
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"You probably think this world is a dream come true... but you're wrong." - Coraline |
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#2
Nov 28, 2008, 11:57 AM
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(((((ne)))))
__________________
Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
 ne1410s
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#3
Nov 28, 2008, 11:59 AM
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 Oh honey!! I am so sorry you had to live through that. Give yourself time to heal. I'm so happy you like your foster family so much, allow them to help you heal.
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____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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| ne1410s
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#4
Nov 28, 2008, 12:07 PM
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i break for you skip, but
im not goin anywhere. you know. im here. xo yrs . |
| ne1410s
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#5
Nov 28, 2008, 12:52 PM
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Skip,
From cousin to cousin - i love you tons. I'll help you through anything you have to get through. Just know that you don't have to combat this alone. It seems like there are so many people here who have you're back too. I know you'll be able to get through this 
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| ne1410s
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#6
Nov 28, 2008, 12:57 PM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| ne1410s
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#7
Nov 28, 2008, 03:20 PM
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(((((((((((((((( ne1410s )))))))))))))))))))))
I am so sorry for what you have gone through, I am sending you loads of safe hugs.
__________________
 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
| ne1410s
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#8
Nov 28, 2008, 07:21 PM
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((ne))
you've survived something absolutely horrid, and I salute your courage...you've spoken out and that takes tremendous courage! it's so wonderful that you love your new foster family and that you feel safe. jme, but we don't "get over" our pasts. we take slow steps of healing, yes. along the way we are able to validate ourselves, let go of any shame/guilt, grieve, then address our anger issues. it's a process and unfortunately we don't jump from the pain and into peace... you can do it. I believe in you. Cap
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The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
| ne1410s
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#9
Nov 28, 2008, 10:30 PM
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Love you sara.
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| ne1410s
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#10
Nov 29, 2008, 09:45 AM
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You've had a tough life so far, but the past doesn't have to ruin your present and future. (((hug))) [Begin by watching how you think and what you say or type... telling your brain that you WILL NOT GET BETTER is programming it to fight you as you heal.]
It may not be a smooth ride for a while, but stay on the right road to recovery, and you will eventually get there. You wrote a lot about what the others went through, as you observed. You don't need to share here openly, but begin to think about how that affected you, so you can pick it apart and begin to see that it doesn't have to have power over you today. 
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| Capp, ne1410s
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#11
Dec 03, 2008, 10:05 PM
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HI ne1410s,
what a terrible thing to have happen - I wish i could wash your past away but I cant  I am glad that you are now in a place that you like - try to let them in a bit and see if they can help you to heal what you have been through.My hope is that you are seeing a therapist who can help you deal with this - but know this - you are not alone - you will find this a very supportive place - come here and we will do what we can to help. As to your past affecting your future - just my opinion but i think unloess you deal with what happened it just keeps coming back til you do - and thats why I would (and in my case did) seek professional help Take Care P7 
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