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#1
Mar 28, 2009, 03:23 PM
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I was not sure of the best place to post this but figured this would be the best place because I realize that all of this is due to PTSD. I am frustrated with all the after effects of the past. I am tired of the triggers and memories. I am rattled more right now than I have been in a while due to a 3 day hospital stay. Needless to say that was a HUGE trigger. The fact that you have pretty much no control over what is happening to you. Just like the past no control. No privacy and treated like a piece of meat. Try to explain to someone why you can not handle what they are getting ready to do to you and the reply is just keep telling yourself I am doing this to help you. BS, the only help was helping trigger me even more. I would think someone in the medical field would have more compassion than that.
I still do not feel good and all I want to do is sleep but now I am left with more nightmares than before as well as flashbacks. I have more intrusive thoughts than before as well. I am frustrated by the fact that the ones that caused my issues have not a care in the world. They are living without the ramifications of their actions while I am still being tortured by their doings. I keep asking myself what life would be like to be normal. Not depressed and not having visions of all the negative that has happened to be touched and not almost jump out of my own skin. I often say the statement of....I am not the abuse, but I am the product of abuse. Today I can not say that because my head will not allow me to be free thinking and living free. I am not quite sure what normal is but I know it is not what I am. My rant is done, I am tired, frustrated, angry and agitated. I would pay anything right now to have just 24 hours of peace in my head and be able to sleep. Right now I want to tell PTSD to kiss my (_l_)!
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Caring but Cautious, Curious but Kind, But trying to Survive, when losing my Mind!  Thats me in a nutshell!
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#2
Mar 28, 2009, 06:10 PM
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(((((TMAC)))))
sorry you are feeling this way - and I apologise for those in the medical profession that are not empathic to their patients pain - I'm sorry that you cant get a good nights sleep - things are so much harder to deal with when you're not sleeping - I'm glad you came here to let it out! are you still seeing the T you started with recently? she could help you deal with these feelings -  I hope you managed to get some sleep - come back and tell us how you're doing take care P7
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#3
Mar 28, 2009, 06:16 PM
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((((((((((tmac)))))))))) i agree with everything P7 said. Esp--let your new T kmow what is going on! |
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#4
Mar 28, 2009, 06:32 PM
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Yes have a t been to her 3 times. Had to cancel this week b\c was in the hospital and rescheduled for Tuesday. But not comfortable with talking about stuff not sure about trusting yet. Just really frustrated with it all right now was why I posted....better than banging my head into a wall or falling back on SI. Really angry with the fact that the ones that cause the issues are living happy normal lives or are dead. I just want a clear head so I can sleep!
__________________
Caring but Cautious, Curious but Kind, But trying to Survive, when losing my Mind! Thats me in a nutshell!
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#5
Mar 28, 2009, 08:32 PM
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congrats on choosing this over SI - thats a step in the right direction - hope you can get some sleep
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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