Control Freaks

sky dancer · Mar 18, 2009, 10:19 AM

Push my buttons.

Sannah · Mar 18, 2009, 10:20 AM

Yeah, do you have one close to you?

phoenix7 · Mar 18, 2009, 06:00 PM

(((Sky dancer)))

They push my buttons too - my sisters husband is a HUGE control freak - what's happeneing with you?

09:10 AM

Do you think control freaks and people on power trips (self-imposed) are related?

notz · Mar 22, 2009, 10:43 AM

Yes indeed, it's genetic!

Sorry, Orange Blossom, I couldn't resist! I'd love to give you a considered answer but I'm too whacko from my own button being pushed, punched, zapped - yet again - by my across the street neighbor. Grrrrrr.

He always says things in such a nice, syrupy, sweet voice, but the message is always about whatever he doesn't like. Here's a list of some of the things he has said to us in a 5 year period.

When are you going to mow your yard? (I had just had surgery)
Why don't you hire my landscaper?
Why don't you get a new car?
When are you going to buy a new car?
Looks like you need a muffler.
Why don't get your car washed and polished?
When are you going to paint your house?
Have you ever thought about moving?
You driveway looks better when you rake it.
Why don't you use a blower? (I was using a broom)
Why don't you just go buy some plants? (I was dividing iris!)
and yesterday...How long are you going to park your car in front of my house? (it's a public street for cripes sake and that's the direction it's headed!)

Pompous a-hole.

Thanks, I feel better!!!

sky dancer · Mar 22, 2009, 11:12 AM

One of the control freaks in my life triggered my complex ptsd two years ago was a neighbor. We unfortunately, shared a well, an easement and creek water rights. The property had formely been one big family plot.

The fellow had been a member of my spiritual community in the past, when he started cutting my water pipes without permission, I talked to him about it, and told him that if he'd asked my permission, I wouldn't have been upset. This kind of behavior on his part is not a spiritual value in our community.

He basically told me he could do whatever he wanted and he considered the quick claim deed outlining what were my rights 'phoney legal papers'.

Things went down hill over time. First he turned up at my door drunk, and demanding to be let in. The pump had burned out in the well (it was 30 years old) and he blamed me for it. He was screaming and spitting in my face and I asked him to lower his voice or leave. He told me he'd do neither then put up his fists and said, "what are you going to do about it, you can't make me leave?" I called the sheriff, but he had gone home by the time the sheriff got there.

Then I locked my creek pumphouse because I'd caught him in there messing about, and he kicked the door down, splintering the wood. I called the sheriff again, and the sheriff said you have no proof he did it. (we lived in the country, no one else would have done that)

Then he started showing up when my partner wasn't home, sneaking up behind me, drunk and angry over nothing. He came over one time and was enraged because my dog had crapped on his 'lawn' (no one has fences and all kinds of wild life go through there and 'crap') so I followed him over to his place with a shovel, but he could not find this 'enormous crap' he was so upset over.

Then he locked the gate on my property. I had to call the sheriff out again, and the sheriff made him open the gate and agree to not lock it again. The sheriff secretly told me that if he locked it again, I could cut the lock off. The next day, he locked the gate. I cut the lock off and hid it, and he went off on me again.

He started doing things like threatening to shoot my dog (I almost always took the dog on a leash through his property when I went on a walk--(remember I had legal ingress and egress). One time he was shooting his gun in the direction of my property, drunk with his friends. I was sitting in front of the tree in my yard trying to meditate and leaves were falling down.

I was too scared to move. It went this way for a long time. He grew pot and was very paranoid. He kicked his own dog, breaking its ribs, I saw him pick up his girlfriends 3 year old by the boys ear. I told him to never touch that child like that again.

Finally, he didn't like how I drove through 'his property' (the road we shared easement on) and came over screaming at me at my property line. He had a pitchfork in his hands while he was yelling and cursing and using every negative slur he could think of while stabbing the ground by my feet. I thought he was going to poke that pitchfork right through me.

He shoved me so hard I flew backward and landed hard on the ground, if his girlfriend hadn't pulled him off me I'm sure I would have been beaten to an inch of my life. When I fell back I didn't even know he had dropped the pitchfork I thought I was going to die.

This time, I called the sheriff and they still would not arrest them. He had called the sheriff before I could even get to a phone and reported me to assaulting him. The sheriff said it was a 'he said, she said' situation.

That's the event that kicked off my PTSD. I filed a restraining order, pressed charges and he was finally sentenced (he plea bargained) to 'disturbing the peace' and served one day in jail, and had to attend 12 sessions of anger management.

This event opened the pandora's box of my childhood abuse--which I had previously managed to shove aside and function well. The assault happened four weeks into a new job--a stressful one. My boss saw the bruises, inquired about it, and I was labelled 'someone with personal problems'. The PTSD symptoms affected my job performance and I was 'let go' a couple weeks before my one year probation. Ironically, I was a case manager for mental health.

Another complication was how this event affected our spiritual community. There were people who judged me for calling the police out to deal with this guy, and they blamed me, a more experienced meditator, a counselor etc for 'not handling the situation compassionately'.

I've recently gotten things straightened out with the community, but it meant that my spiritual resources were unavailable to me during a time of crisis.

Quote:

Originally Posted by notz