Quitting all meds - an experiment

I am curious about other's experiences with quitting meds.

I have recently quit all meds after many weeks of tapering off. I am now drug-free for about 3 weeks.

The reason for this is the drugs WORK. With drugs I was stable and life under control. The problem is that I felt that the chemicals were enabling me to not deal with the unspeakable hole in my existance. It got to where I would rather have strong emotional experiences, good and bad, in order to make more tangible the unconscious bane of my existance.

I now feel awash in sea of emotion. I feel physically buffeted about by emotional waves. I sometimes spend several days in a feeling of being is a different dimension where I can interact in the dimension everyone else is in, but my world is a separate one. (is this depersonalization?)

On the whole, it has been very difficult on me and my wife. But the rough stuff is not without rewards. I feel so much more alive, even if a bit irrational. I mention feeling being in the sea. It is really like this. It is like being on tip toes, neck deep, and a mostly gentle surf. Sometimes the waves lift me off my feet, uncontrolled, but it is a hoot. Sometimes the waves wash over me in the dark leaving me gasping for breath. It is a physical sensation, but clearly of emotional origin.

What has been gained so far is the possible identification of repressed gender confusion. This is yet to be proven to my satisfaction, but I feel I am getting a grip on SOMETHING.

I have discontinued my meds on two occasions. Both times I was convinced that I didn't need them, that there was nothing wrong with me, and that they were merely a form of thought control. Actually I still think that last one. But I take them anyway because bad things happen if I don't. Both times I ended up in the hospital for over a month. Not fun and not worth it. If the side effects are really getting to you then ask about trying something different, but don't just stop taking them. You may be fine for a while then... it can get ugly. That's been my experience anyway.

The truth shall set you free.