I am scared

OK-- I decided to try something finally- said ok, some what breaking down a wall with this--- i can't help to come back to the spot of being a failure with this all-- if it is all psychological why can't i beat this---

I know i know, chemical imbalance i get told- been dx with Bipolar 2 which is where that comes from along with Severe PTSD (T thinks BPD traits too which I think comes with the PTSD, but idk)

any ways- I refused right now with lithium and anti psychotics (That is what the first Pdoc wanted to put me on)... I saw this other Pdoc and they suggested Lamictal

I already read about the rash which I am aware if I start to feel funny in my throat even to call for it is a concern and maybe stop and if I start to get a rash call and stop taking it.

My concern now, and maybe it is my odd fear with meds-- (If they work and help I am a failure).... but that what if I start to take this and I start to have seizures or what if I stop and i have a seizure-- i dont have seizures now.

That scares me-- I did not think about that till I had the meds in hand after getting home.

I also fear and this before even agreeing with taking meds- that I may get worse with mys symptoms with mood swings and so on....

I know right now, it is just at this point of to acknowledge these things but not to fear them, and to try it- I have went and got the meds, I decided to give it ago- and if they work, that is good.. but there is another part of me that just has trouble dealing with that fact if they do help, another part of me not to worry and be scared of the possible or my fear, side effects.

It is says that the medicine is unknown on how it works which scares me as well, meaning I could be a test in life for this- just an odd duck that something happens.

SIGH-- Sorry just guess writting down thoughts right now-- am scared of this all... it is some thing new--- not all things new are bad I keep telling myself.. this may help me be better, feel better, and be better for the ones i love- which would be wonderful.

My boyfriend and I have talked about this---- he said for me to wait and take it tomorrow (I work nights, so i need to go to bed here soon- it is past my bed time ) but so he can be with me for a few hours after the first dose, and then we will have a few days off this coming weekend, so that is good.

i totally forgot all about christmas and suggested maybe to start to take it over the weekend, sigh- don't think that is a good idea.

Another thing is that I saw my T yesterday, I talked to Pdoc today but I did not tell Pdoc what occured after seeing my T--- basically just more stress that deals with my brother which i take too to heart in ways...

just so much going on right now too- i just got done with a very stressful week last week, this week is stressful too and the damn holiday and my brother.... and now I am like take a new med- what a great time to do this..

God - sorry-- I am not sure if this is the right place for this even though it touches basis with medicine it is like all over the place with emotions, psychotherapy and just issues---

eek=

well thanks for letting me post here-- i guess maybe. idk what i am looking for---

just my thoughts right now

Be well all

beauflow, it's a tough time, so don't worry about the post or the rambling. It's all okay. I took Lamictal, & I'm the one with all the extraordinary 1-in-0.001-percent-of-participants side effect issues. I went up to 50mg/day & held there for a month. Then had probs & stopped cold turkey. No seizures, in fact no trouble stopping at all.

When I started & at each increase I went through a few day of being irritable but it always passed. Then after a month at 50mg, the irritability came back & I started itching. Not the dreaded rash, just an itching 24/7 so he stopped me cold.

This is not to say you won't have some other experience, but I'm kinda a canary in the mine when it comes to med side effects. Not just psych one's either. Everything...

I think it's perfectly normal to be nervous about starting a new med. I know I was pretty upset when I first went on meds and now I can't imagine life without them.

The thing is bi-polar is pretty serious, and most people need meds. They help.

I've never taken Lamictal myself, so can't speak for it myself, but I have a couple of friends who are on it, and they're fine with it. The rash is serious but it's also very rare. The risk of seizures is also very rare. So I wouldn't be too concerned about that posibility.

This is just me, but whenever I start a new med or have a dosage change I wait until the weekend to start it, just so that I have a few days to let my brain / body adjust.

Good luck with it.

splitimage

I'm on 400mg of lamictal every day, and have not had any issues with it (even when I stopped it for 3-4 days because I was tired of dealing with it).

Obviously, it's different for everyone, but I hope it goes well for you

Lamictal is primarily an anti-siezure medication, so you're not likely to have a siezure while taking it. Anti-siezure meds have the effect of limiting your range of emotion, and as they are not addictive like primarily psychiatric meds, are pretty easy to come off of. Lamictal is pretty strong though.

Hopefully you will have a better experience than I did. While I was taking Lamictal my digestive track almost stopped entirely, and trust me, it really hurts when you can't go for 4 days.

I was on 375mg of lamictal for quite awhile, and my husband is on 300mg. Neither of us had any problems on it. The one thing I found difficult was initially starting it. Apparently it is not uncommon to feel like you are having flu-like symptoms when you first start lamictal. But I stuck with it because I was desparate for something that would work, and sure enough, after a couple of weeks those side effects went away and I never had any other side effects on it. THE rash is very rare, certainly something to be aware of, but I wouldn't get frightened about it. If you get a rash, you just call you doctor and they'll help you deal with it. I've never heard of seizures from lamictal. If for some reason it doesn't work for you, there are other mood stabilizers out there. (Lithium, by the way, is nothing to fear any more than lamictal). They are all just different.

This isn't a failure to be on meds. It just is what it is.

Lamictal is very slow to get started, if you're doing it right ("low and slow"). I haven't had any noticeable side effects. Dosage increases make me "speedy" for a couple days and then it levels off. You probably won't notice a big change until you get to 50mg or higher. It seems to be the "right" drug for me - things are getting a lot better now.

Good luck!

Thank you all
Today I started the first part today-- decided it probably best- cuz Today I get to be with my boyfriend all day and the next 3 days to come

-- yeah it is a slow start; 25mg for 14 days then 50mg for the next then I go for a refill and then I see Pdoc in Feb to see about adjustment IF needed......

Thank you all for your support and sharing- I do appreciate it. Will see how this goes-

I am sorry I am scared about meds- it is just a part of me I guess-- Something to get used to I suppose with the whole idea.

But just thought I would update-

good luck. I'm glad you are starting it slow and hope it goes well.