Why can’t I heal?

I have been trying for 18 years and getting worse. I tried every medication and treatments. What will help???? Why am I so cursed not to find the proper treatment? Why does God despise me so much? Why am I doomed forever??

I might know how you feel . I was effected by manic episodes from 2003 to2021. I found what worked for me , thankfully. What you're going through sounds tormenting

Yes, I'm real sorry you're having to go through this awful suffering darkfeary, I don't have the answers unfortunately.😔🙏

I've very much been through dark troubling times myself, but things have gradually changed for the better in my case, thankfully, but I don't really know how or why. Life is a complex and mysterious thing. All of the doctors and mental health people told me from the outset though, that there was no guarantee of being 'cured' so, I was aware of that.

There's a common belief in the culture, in society, that if you just do x, x, x, and x, then all will be well. But that's not true for a lot of people. It's an inexact science.

My mindset through my darkest days (years) though, was to keep trying, keep going, endure, endure, endure, and try not to lose sight of my principles and coping tools, therefore things must improve; my reasoning being that things always change and, here, they could not possibly get worse, unless I opted to...you know...but I didn't necessarily view that as getting worse at all.

Anyway darkfeary, I fully relate to your sufferings, you're trying, you're enduring, you're reaching out, 18 years yes, and I just want you to keep going with hope and vision in your heart, that's really all.😔🙏🌻🌻

This might help, I stopped leaning on people for therapy and advice and started reading books by reputable doctors and researchers who actually know what they're talking about through education, research and experience. The Body Keeps Score is a great read with great suggestions based on empirical evidence as well as eye witnessed accounts. Also Borderline Personality Disorder for Dummies is a good read. As well as Attachment Style Theory , is also a good read. Finding solitude and Privacy to think read n learn in a safe place is extremely essential.
For me , trying to learn anything was useless living where I was with ppl who made it their point to crush my spirit or try to make me feel uncomfortable. Environment is a major factor.

I also think reading books by reputable doctors, therapists and researchers who actually know what they are talking about can be much more helpful than a mediocre therapist or, for some people, meds.

I think a lot of it is figuring out your needs and then figuring out how to get those needs met. Sometimes the problem is isolation, your need is social interaction, and to get those needs met you start talking to people, for example. Many times there are multiple problems going on so the answer is much more complex, and you need to work on one thing at a time. You're not doomed forever. Mental health "treatment" is extremely flawed right now and many people will never find an adequate therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist.

The idea of getting some books from reputable doctors and therapists is a good one. I don't know what your major concerns are, but educate, educate, educate yourself. A helpful book/tool I have is called WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan). You come up with stuff to do every day to take care of yourself and stuff to do at different stages of symptoms.

I don't think you're doomed. You need to find some hope and figure out how to get where you need to be.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling distressed, darkfeary. I hope you find something that works for you.

Thank you for this thread, darkfeary. It felt helpful to me reading all of it just now. Your opening post affected me where I feel the most frustrated, discouraged, & hurt. I love CBT, but it doesn't help sometimes, & too often lately. But this thread gave me encouragement. Good luck to you! There is hope for us & we can keep searching & learning & get stronger from our experience.