[circles5]

Hi all,

i talked to my pychiatrist and care co-ordinator/therpist.
I was suicidal the day before, and they booked me an emergency meeting.

After refusing my request to switch from 20mg of diazepam to an equivelent dose of Clonazepam...... (Their reasoning being that they didn't want to get me physically dependant on Benzodiazepams...... even though i've been on diazempam since January 2013)

They offered me two choices; mirtazapine, or an anti-pychotic (can't remember which one)
I told them straight up, as usual - that i refuse to take anti-pychotics.
I also told them that i was put on 15mg of Mirtazapine before and it made me sleep the entire day and have terrible nightmares..

The phychiatrist explained that at higher doses it is less sedating... which i knew already.
This being the only option they gave me, i took it - as i needed something.

So tuesday night i took 30mg: and was only awake on wednesday for 3 hours!!!!
i also had some of the worst nightmares i've ever had.:
one classic, where all my teeth were falling out, and growing back in weird places... one were i was having a bad lsd trip... in my dream - spiders turning up everywhere e.t.c....
then today i somehow woke up at 06.00am having had a whole host more of terrible nightmares.

It's also had a terrible effect on my temperament. My mum's repeatedly told me i'm being highly aggresive and argumentative. Which i am.
---

So i honestly don't know what to do....
I have an appointment with my keyworker/CBT therapist today.. and i don't know what to do..

i have today noticed a lift in my mood - but zero effects on my anxiety.
However i am still being a complete A* - highly aggresive e.t.c... moody.....
This couped with feeling like i could sleep at any second, and the nightmares is really bad.
I just had two strong cups of coffee - and they have done nothing to alleviate this 'grog' that i'm experiencing....

^ This is exactly what it was like last time i took it at 15mg...
I took it for 6 days and decided i couldn't handle it and stopped.

My pychiatrist jumped me straight in at 30mg... as she said there was no need to start at 15mg then move up... and that it get's less sedating at higher doses e.t.c..
i'm considering going up to 45mg today, just to see if this is true...
---

i really wanted to swap my diazepam script for a clonazepam script but she said she didn't want me to get addicted to benzodiazepams... - despite me being on them long term; since january 2013 - and with no date in sight of me coming off them/.......

i'm going to create another post about the benzo 'switch' so as not to covolute this thread. I'll add a link, once i've written it.

Thankyou very much for any advice in advance.
Circles5,

[circles5]

Here's the post i made on the; Diazepam or Clonazepam request..:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...ml#post4433578

[-jimi-]

I'm sorry your doctor didn't give you options. I can't take antipsychotics, they make me really weird... and I tried ONE pill of your med and even the doctor said enough. He explained some people sort of overreact to it. And they shouldn't take it. I assume your doc says you should take it despite your reactions. I was completely knocked out on it. Like you. Yes, it is supposed to be sedating but according to my doc that is not a normal reaction and calls for a different med. I wish I could beam him to you but unfortunately he's not even my doc anymore.

And, no. I had no effects on anxiety on it. Some do. For some people, it is the WRONG med. Personally, I get panicky from being sedated the wrong way. Benzos are often fine (not all of them) because they sedate my anxiety... just sedating my body will just make me feel like I'm sitting in a capsule in my brain while my body is dying.

I can so see how it causes nightmares.

I don't really know what to say either than that docs sometimes do not UNDERSTAND the pain they put us through.

[-jimi-]

I also understand the trade with mental sharpness for peace of mind.

I struggle with this A LOT. With a higher dosage of my benzos I'm a bit dumbed down and my creativity suffers. So I cut dosages when I can but then sometimes I just feel too dang bad. And I'm like Take this pill and feel OK or not take it and maybe feel OK and creative or maybe just feel like hell.

Meh, you know. LOL.

[secretgalaxy]

Mirtazapine had the exact opposite effect on me. It made me so manic I was hallucinating (bad ones) and didn't sleep for more than an hour for 6 weeks. That was at 15 mg. It did give me terrible nightmares in the beginning but after my manic set on, it turned in to hallucinations. It also made me more aggressive and I even threatened my mom. Got put on an anti-psychotic (abilify) and that wasn't very helpful. But anti-psychotics aren't that bad, they just don't work for everyone. Finally told the doctor to screw it and went off everything and haven't been back.

I am sorry that this is happening to you! Have you been able to contact your pdoc and tell them what is going on? Sometimes it takes about 2 weeks to settle in, but with that severe of side effects I wouldn't be able to wait that long.

Any chance you could drop to a low dose of mirtazipine and increase it gradually? I started taking it for sleep about two months ago. My doctor told me to take 7.5-15 mg at bedtime or less if that was effective.

At the beginning, half of 7.5 mg was all I could tolerate without having awful grogginess the next day, so I was taking half of 7.5 mg. It worked for sleep and I feel calm and sort of mellow when I wake up, although that doesn't last all day.

I don't know if changing doctors is an option for you?