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#1
May 13, 2009, 12:30 PM
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I know I mentioned having issues with my T cancelling a lot before but I still haven't addressed it with her because I am afraid it will upset her and that she will get angry with me.
Well, I got a call from her this morning saying she had to cancel my appt for tonight at 6 because of a family emergency. I was so disappointed as usual. If it's an emergency then I feel really bad about that. Yet, she has changed my appointment almost every other week since I started seeing her. Now it's really getting to me, I just don't know how to address her about it without her starting to not like me as a client. It's hard enough to trust as it is, I don't want anything else to come between that. I'm just bumming, it's been a hard week as it was my mom's first birthday and mother's day since she passed away, and then I had to go in yesterday for an 1 1/2 brain and spinal scan. Just so much stress this week. My T knows this was going to be a really hard week for me. I just feel let down every time this happens, if it were an occasional occurence then I would be sad but could understand but this happen so often that it's really pushing me further away from trusting her. I don't know what to do, should I just find another T? I was really starting to like mine apart from this issue but I really need some stability from her.
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Hangingon When you feel your nearing the end of your rope tie a knot and hang on !!! |
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#2
May 13, 2009, 12:55 PM
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The constantly changing appointments thing would really tick me off. Even though you may like the person, they are not together enough to truly be a good T in my opinion. The occasional change is fine, almost every session being moved or cancelled is not fine.
If this T is working out for you otherwise, bring up the issue. I know it would be uncomfortable if it makes her upset, but you know what? Sometimes the truth hurts, even if you're the T! If she does get upset with you , that's the sign that she needs to grow up...and you need a new T. I'm sorry your T is so unreliable...  Quote:
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"Unipolar is boring! Go Bipolar!"  Amazonmom is not putting up with bad behavior any more. |
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#3
May 13, 2009, 01:09 PM
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dear hangingon, I wish I could help. i do have this
((((((((((( hangingon ))))))))))) |
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#4
May 13, 2009, 01:40 PM
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((((((((((((((Hangingon)))))))))))))))))
Ugh, that really really stinks.  I totally hear your disappointment and frustration. I agree with what Amazonmom said: Quote:
It is her responsibility to address and meet those needs. If she is a good T she will be glad to do that. But! she can't address them if she doesn't know it is a painful issue for you. Take care of yourself......
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#5
May 13, 2009, 01:47 PM
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this would get anyone down!, you've done well to tolerate it up til now, she obviously thinks you must be pretty cool with it, otherwise surely she wouldnt keep doing it?.
i would bring it up next time, say you totally understand in an emergency, but too often is becoming unsettling, its bad enough trying to prepare yourself for T, then to keep getting cancelled on to me is not on, she should know this, & she shouldnt even be putting you in this situation. longer you leave it, harder it will be, you deserve better sweetheart, be brave, yeah you may feel uncomfortable for a few moments, but its YOU that matters, beginning to realise T brings uncomfortable moments...... best to face them head on Biggest to u hangingon
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#6
May 13, 2009, 02:30 PM
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Thanks all,
I so need the nerve to bring it up but I am scared to death to. I do like her a lot but all these cancellations are putting me in a rough spot with her and that I don't like. I hate that I am even put in this spot where I have to bring this up to her. I shouldn't have to be in this uncomfortable position. Most people know its not professional to cancel so much. If it's an emergency absolutely, but how many emergencies can one person have? The problem is I don't know if she is being unprofessional; maybe she does have tons of stuff going on...ugh... Maybe I should just email her about how it makes me feel.
__________________
Hangingon When you feel your nearing the end of your rope tie a knot and hang on !!! |
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#7
May 13, 2009, 03:01 PM
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Quote:
hopefully she will see how unrealiable she's been, & wont want to let you down anymore, ...if she's worth her stuff! be strong hangingon...you deserve better
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#8
May 13, 2009, 03:14 PM
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Hey Hanginon,
I certainly wouldn't get a new T without discussing this first especially because you like her. Telling your T that you need consistency is an important part of your process, and doesn't make you an unlikable client. Maybe she just needs that reminder of what is important to you. 
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#9
May 13, 2009, 03:18 PM
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Hangingon,
I would be just as distressed as you are if my t canceled every other week. I think that is not acceptable. For a family emergency, yes. But if she cancels that frequently, then it sounds like a weakness when it comes to planning. I suggest you definitely bring it up with her. You should not worry about her not liking you. You have a valid concern. You can bring it up nicely, but I would at least bring it up. Maybe instead of voicing it as "You always cancel. . .", put it in I-language. . ."I've noticed that you've had to cancel alot of my sessions lately. While I know it's probably for a good reason, it makes me feel (blank). Then tell her how you feel. I'm guessing it makes you feel like you are unimportant, your needs are not important, or that she doesn't care about you. Or perhaps you feel rejected or abandoned. That's the hard part. . .spitting out how you really feel. But that's the heart and soul of therapy. Go ahead, talk to her. It'll be OK. If you don't, then her canceling and your hurt feelings could erode the therapy relationship. |
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#10
May 13, 2009, 03:32 PM
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Thank you,
I am going to try to do it via email and I am sure she will want to talk about it when we meet. I went through all the old emails and its not every other week, like I thought. It's happened 7 times since I started seeing her 6 months ago. Still thats every month as opposed to my other therapist who only changed my appointment one time in the whole year that I saw her. I just feel very uncomfortable in approaching this subject with her. I was going to send an email tonight but since she told me it was cancelled due to a family emergency I should wait untill the new scheduled time which is friday. I should be happy that she at least squeezes me in somewhere else during the week when she does this.
__________________
Hangingon When you feel your nearing the end of your rope tie a knot and hang on !!! |
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#11
May 13, 2009, 08:51 PM
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It's okay to have different feelings about this, concern for her familiy emergency yet great disppointment too.
She can't help having a family emergency, and it's also okay to let her know how it affected you and of your need for stability with her. I know it's hard but it's important to you and you are important.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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