New here - intro and questions

Hi, everyone – I’m new to the forums. I’ve been lurking for the past few weeks in this forum especially – you all have some very brave and powerful stories, and many threads have already helped me with questions I’ve had about therapy in general.

A bit about me – I was diagnosed with mild depression about 9 years ago. My GP put me on Prozac, which I hated – it numbed my emotions, but I could still feel everything below the surface. She switched me to Zoloft, which really helped even everything out. I decided, with my GP and a friend’s suggestion, to enter counseling, so I went to the first therapist I called. I didn’t know anything about the different types of therapy, and I liked her well enough – I only went to her for 9 sessions because of insurance, but she did mainly CBT to help me with the depression. We worked on some issues and also did relaxation exercises. I stayed on the Zoloft for 2 years. Looking back, though, I never fully trusted her enough to open up to her about many issues.

Two years ago, I was feeling stuck in several aspects of my life (low self-esteem, unhappy with job, and many more), so I decided to look for another therapist. It took several phone calls before I found someone with availability, and then I immediately knew that we would not be a good fit – her office was a hole in the wall, her appearance was unkempt, she was barely audible, and she immediately started giving me all of these suggestions on how to improve areas in my life. Needless to say, I didn’t go back to her, but I also let that bad experience chase me away from therapy.

So now, here I am, pretty much in the same ‘stuck’ position as I was two years ago. I started looking for a therapist last month. After a few phone calls, one very kind therapist didn’t have availability but took the time to look up a list of therapists with everything I was looking for – what a huge help that was! I called the first name, and got a hit. I’ve been going to this T for 4 sessions now, and I really do like her.

T and I are still getting to know each other, and I find that I’m very impatient with the process. I brought a list of issues to discuss last time, but T told me that I don’t have to do any work outside of therapy, that I could just come into the room and be in the moment and see what comes up. I’m a bit of a control freak and a planner, so that makes me anxious, but I am open to trying it, so that’s the goal for tomorrow’s session! T also mentioned using silence in the last session, so I think we’ll be trying that tomorrow.

I do have a few questions:
* Do many of you tell your T that you post on an online forum?
* My T mentioned that we’d start out with sessions once a week, and then maybe go to twice a week. How do you determine when/if that should happen?
* How do you know when it’s the right time to bring up certain issues? I think I’m still working on building a trust and rapport with T, so some really sensitive issues seem quite daunting to discuss right now. But I keep thinking that maybe I should bring them up to speed up the process – I need to work on trusting the process and not be so impatient, I know.

I’m learning as I go along here, and I’m sure I’ll have many more questions along this journey. I did tell T that I was reading about therapy online, and she thought that was a good thing.

Hello!! Welcome to PC.

For some reason, I really like your T... probably since she reminds me of my own . Especially this quote. I'm a control freak and a planner myself. I always wanted to be prepared to deal with specific issues - and I'd go in, and POOF all of my "topics of discussion" vanished into thin air. It's anxiety-inducing to just come in and "be in the moment" ... and discuss whatever comes to mind. It also doesn't help if you don't like "wasting" a session on a random discussion either!! But I think all sessions have something useful to learn, even if we think we've wasted it.

I hate silence. A lot. I'm sitting here, in silence (and in the dark, lol) and I really don't like it. I'm actually intensely focusing on noises around the apartment to keep from going crazy. Silence and me don't get along.

Anyways... I hope you get a lot out of this experience!!

Yes. I've actually mentioned this site specifically, so she can recommend it to other clients. She won't spy on me though since I know she's busy.

It's ultimately a decision that you and your T come to. Going more often does build trust more easily, and it can be easier to deal with issues more quickly. Beyond that though, going once a week or every two weeks means you get a break to process things more between sessions - and it's less like one large therapy session in your life. (I'd probably go crazy going to therapy more than once a week. I've done it once or twice when I was in a bad emotional spot - but beyond that, I love my freedom away from therapy. It gives me a break!)

You just know sometimes. Or your therapist pushes you when they figure it out before you even realize it. My therapist at the time knew when I had to discuss abuse issues... I'd mention it without realizing it. He knew I had to deal with it, whether I liked it or not. Otherwise, it's your call. You could always make this a topic of discussion with your T too. I've brought up stuff I shouldn't have so earlier... but I've also waited too long and brought up tough issues at the end of sessions - or a week or so before I know the T is going on vacation or leaving and therapy will be terminated. It's like bringing it up but not wanting to deal with it. (So incredibly guilty of trying to control the sessions and my therapy. Bad Christina. It's a team effort - you and T, although it is YOUR session).

Hello and welcome to posting

Yes I do tell my T about the site I go to and what is talked about. I try to tell her "anything and everything" that comes to mind, as my T encourages me to do. I also like to read books about psychology and therapy and I tell her about those too. She has encouraged me to bring in the books I'm reading if I would like to.

My T also mentioned that twice per week would be helpful, then left it up to me to decide when to do that because she wanted that to come from me, not her. When I asked about it, over a year after we began, I asked if she still thought it was a good idea because she hadn't mentioned it. I was at a point that I could afford it but I wanted to make sure it was still a good idea. Yes, she said, she did think it would be helpful but did not want to 'push' the idea. (I love her for that!)

It took me 9 months to decide to start to trust. I still work at that. When is a good time to bring something up? Whenever it feels like that's what you want to do. There is no time limit and the pace is up to you, whatever you feel comfortable with.

I'm glad you found a T that seems like a great fit for you

(((((dream))))))

It takes guts to see a T. Most people are scared out of their pants to TALK to a professional therapist, even when they know they would benefit from seeing one. Kudos to you. I went to my T under a certain level of distress with issues grounded in the present, so that's what we talked about at first and dealt with. I live by the rule though that trust is earned; it's not freely given. I tend to go slow, and chip away things at an angle. A good T will guide you and know when and what to ask.

I don't tell my T I participate in an online forum because in my therapy it's completely irrelevant. I bring up relevant subjects and stuff like what I view on my computer are really periphery to my personal therapy. If it was somehow relevant that I post here, I would tell him. Other people might have a relevant reason to talk to their T about what they view online.

If you encounter difficulty, your T will likely discuss with you increasing sessions. If you experience difficulty and your T doesn't know how deep it goes, make sure you tell him right away (T's can't read minds so try to be direct as much as possible).

I think that you will talk about things when you are ready and build more trust and comfort with your T. You have some problem areas that you are already aware of, which is why you are in therapy to begin with. Therapy isn't all planned out. Just take it easy on yourself. It takes time. You'll be fine.

Thanks for the thoughtful replies!

Christina, after we discussed my list of topics last week, we still had half the session left - I panicked and thought, "Now what?" But I do need to learn to be in the moment, yes. I don't even think that I don't like silence, I just didn't understand at first what she was trying to achieve by not responding immediately after I'd say something last week - she was trying to draw me out more, or just create that therapeutic space more, and she finally explained that silence can be a gift (I was busy thinking "Waste of money!" ). But I am actually looking forward to experiencing that tomorrow with her. And I'm pretty sure you're right on about T figuring out issues that I need to discuss before I even do - this has already happened, or she'll guess how I feel about something before I even realize it - kinda freaky when that happens, but it's good also.

ECHOES - I like the approach of telling T "anything and everything" that comes to mind - I don't think I'm quite there yet, but I do feel comfortable with her. It's still a control issue for me, but something I'm working toward!

Simcha - I've definitely been very anxious before going into every session! But then it seems that when I start talking, I'm thinking more than feeling, so I'm not accessing my emotions - something else to work on. But yes, I am proud of myself for getting this far, thanks!

I haven't told my tdoc that I post on forums, but it really has never come up. If it was an issue, I'm sure it would.

My tdoc "knows" when I need to come in more than once a week. He's usually the first to suggest it. I am always welcomed to come in more frequently if the need arises. It's not really a big deal with my tdoc. Right now, I'm at a point where I need to spread out my sessions more. I'm pretty stable and need to work on being less dependent on him. It varies with my circumstances. He's not a stickler for staying on a schedule.

My tdoc is very intuitive to when an issue needs to be worked on. To be quite honest, he tends to steer our sessions, not me. He has great insight into where my issues are and what I need to do in order to move on. That is always his goal.

That's interesting, Chris. So far, I feel like I'm definitely steering the sessions in a direction, though I think my T is also very intuitive about when an issue needs to be explored more. We're still covering surface stuff, though.

I'm nervous about today's session, but not nearly as nervous as I have been in weeks past. And part of me is actually looking forward to it, so I'd say that's definite progress! We'll see how I feel after the session.

LOL heck dreamseeker, I'm still a little nervous before/during some sessions, even after two years. I think it's quite normal. In any event, rest assured the nervous nellies will significantly subside as you build more trust over time.