Went back to T today.

After all the "protesting" about how I feel when she takes a break, she stumped me with one sentence when I said, "I think I am completly wasting my time here today. T said, "not completely, we are spending time with each other", Ding-dong-ding, that threw me. So busy trying to protect myself from feeling any saddness at missing her last week, that I filled the session up with thoughts and words and forgot that the simple aspect. T did spend a bit of session today holding her lips trying to stifle a laugh, not in any sadistic sense, as when I caught her, I also found myself laughing, oh the insanity of the irrational mind, but still the feelings make themselves knowing.. I said, I feel part of me is trying to emotionally blackmail you, even though I would hate to gain anything from that method, but its a method I was taught growing up. I thnk coming and going with my adoptive mother growing up was always a very dangerous time, coming back was met with either scorn or silence and just coming and going in any normal sense is quite new to my thinking, I am still trying to get a hang of it, how healthy people can want their space and also want to continue a relationship, its like, wow, how does that happen? Oh well, onwards and forwards.

OH thats what caused the first laugh, when I was saying how I am already shutting down preparing for the summer break T said, "but you do realise this is the longest term without a break?" Of course she was offering me this as comfort but I turned to her and said "bothered" and we both laughed out loud! , I think having anger and humour mixed together is very helpful, perhaps a lot more people should take anger with a pinch of salt and not get all melodramatic its sure good for the sole

Good issue to pursue..........