As everyone knows, I've had a lot of stress in the past few days - right after my last T appt, we got the news that my drug addict brother was in jail, and that same day, the news that my mom's breast cancer had probably returned in her bones.

On Monday I went to the doctor with my mom, and it was confirmed that the cancer is in her bones. She has a CT scan tomorrow and then we will find out on Monday if it is anywhere else. Although my mom was my main abuser (and is an alcoholic) I am (and always have been) her caretaker, so this has been a lot for me to deal with.

I saw T yesterday for the first time since everything happened. It was a strange session. I talked about what is going on with my mom (although he's pretty updated because we've communicated a few times through phone calls/e-mails), and a little bit about when my dad died 5 years ago from cancer. I talked some about some issues I'm having with H. There was a moment when it got quiet and I could feel myself dissociating - everything looked wrong, and it was scary...I'm scared to let myself feel too much right now, and I want to be in control as much as I can.

T pulled me back into the room, and the rest of the session was honestly lighthearted chit chat. He told me lots of stories - about the first interview he had for a therapy internship, about an experience he had mountain climbing- funny stories, that made me laugh. Honestly, for the rest of the session, that's kind of how it went.

We always leave each other phone messages after my sessions and sometimes they are about how we each perceived the session. I told him in my message that it felt like because I couldn't reach out to him (I wanted to, but I just couldn't open up that soft, emotional part of myself), he was reaching out to me. In his message, he said that he felt like "too much silence" would have been too scary for me. That I have too much going on, and that I needed to feel like everything was going to be okay, because it is. So, instead of a lot of therapeutic silence, it was just a lot of connecting and chatting. He said it wasn't a conscious thing he thought about, but looking back, he was trying to help me not be overwhelmed and scared.

It was interesting to think about. I like that T was taking care of me by not letting me get lost in fear...but it's SO the opposite of what usually happens in therapy. Usually it's delving into the deep emotions, fears, etc...but it's like T was purposely keeping me from going there.

I'm not sure why I'm sharing this! I guess because it was so not "normal" therapy. T is going on vacation next week so I guess maybe he is trying to keep me kind of safe and grounded before he disappears. I always think of therapy as getting to core issues and healing...but maybe sometimes it's just about getting through whatever we're going through right now.

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by treehouse

. ..maybe sometimes it's just about getting through whatever we're going through right now.

I liked this state treehouse. Some times it feels like an hour of this is just not long enough

[Simcha]

(((((((((((((((TREEHOUSE))))))))))))))))))))

I'm glad to finally hear an update on you! Words of wisdom from someone far wiser than me: "When your going through hell, just keep right on going."
I really think everything is going to be okay once the information absorbs.

Now tell me your brother's address so I can kick him for you... And PLEASE keep him as far away from you as possible so he doesn't steal anything. That's the last thing you need right now, that's for sure.

I like to go "therapy lite" sometimes too.
-sam

I'm glad it was a good session - your T really knows how to take care of you, which was exactly what you needed!

I'm very sorry to hear the news about your mother.

[lifelesstraveled]

((((treehouse)))))

you have such a great T...i can't say it enough. He knew exactly what you needed

sincerely hoping things get better for you....

[coconut64]

((((((((((((((MB))))))))))))))))))

[Mouse_]

TH, sounds like a rewarding session, and being able to "play" is part of healing.

[MissCharlotte]

((((Tree))))

It sounds as if the hard work is really paying off. I think you're on to something with your healing and knowing that it doesn't have to all be awful. The exchange you described brought a smile to my face and I think in those moments we find the treasure in the relationship because it CAN be easy and loving.

Namaste

[searchingmysoul]

((((((((((treehouse))))))))))))

You are going through some much. My thoughs are with you in this difficult place.

I *think* (JMHO) that as the relationship matures there is this thing that happens where you get what you need from T in that time without T having a strategy for "how to work" with you. To me this is the difference between the real relationship and how that operates in session and the goals you set forth to accomplish (not that you even have a goal list, just an example of differences of the feeling in the sessions). Your T knows you really well at this point. His caring for you is apparent.