[3velniai]

I was going to work today and one strange thought came to my mind. Could it be that T is testing my boundaries? Here is the whole story: T's office is very near to the place I work, so she has seen me in one shop or another several times already. She always tells me during next appt that she's seen me, and I'm always surprised, because I never notice her (partly because I can't remember how she looks, which is odd, but it's another topic). So, when she says that she saw me and when a d where, she usually adds "I wanted to say hi, but this would be unethical as you didn't even show you noticed me". This the part sounds strange to me and what looks like some kind of check of boundaries. She also told me that she felt bad for not saying hi when she last saw me, because i looked really bad and it was obvious I'm up to something not healthy and stupid. Actually, I really was in a state when you just can't account for yourself and could do some harm. She knows that too. And she's the kind of T who could say "hi, what's wrong". Any opinions?

[Pomegranate]

Just a guess here, but maybe you need to acknowledge her first, some kind of legal thing? Many people don't want anyone to know they are in therapy, so maybe, since she knows you are near your place of employment, she's letting you decide if you want to talk to her or not.

That she's bringing it up I think, is letting you know it's okay to approach her if you see her. You could just come out and ask her. Or simply tell her you haven't seen her, sorry. Or you feel uncomfortable talking with her outside of your appointments. Or ask her if she minds if you do see her, if you stop to say hello. What ever you feel is appropriate in regards to your feelings about the situation.

[Foomph]

I think it might be a legal/ethical thing too. I could see how if something like this happened with a certain t and a certain patient, it could be blown way out of proportion and end up in a legal battle. Maybe you need to make contact first. But what the hell do I know? I don't know about the boundary theory...I actually don't know much about boundaries at all...sorry!

I am always paranoid that I might see my t at my work!! Vancouver has a pretty small downtown area and shopping strip and I work right on THE shopping strip in a REALLY popular store and he lives in the neighborhood! So far it hasn't happened but I bet one day it will...

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by 3velniai

she usually adds "I wanted to say hi, but this would be unethical as you didn't even show you noticed me". This the part sounds strange to me and what looks like some kind of check of boundaries.

my $0.02, not strange to me at all.
My T is very protective of confidentiality. Last week she was leaving me a voice message and someone came in and she started going, uh, and saying odd disconnected things. she told me afterwards what had happened and how she tries very hard not to say anything in the presence of others that would tip them off as to who is on the other line. If she saw me out somewhere, I would never expect her to come over to me; I would think she'd expect me to make the first move of recognition.
Sounds like your T is very respectful and caring.

[MissCharlotte]

It sounds like your T didn't say hi because you didn't notice her and maybe she thought you did, but you were deliberately ignoring her. She's right. It WOULD be a boundary violation to approach you unbidden. However, I think the fact that she said something is a little bit of a boundary violation too although with your best care at heart. I don't think she's checking your boundaries but maybe she is worried about you.

Are you worried about her seeing you? Would you want her to approach you? If so, then go ahead and tell her. I think the only way through is an open and honest approach.

[3velniai]

It's definitely not a legal thing because mental health is very poorly regulated here, everything depends on T's conscience. The very first time when she told me she saw me but didn't say hi because of ethical reasons, I told her I love the T ethics and that I don't exect her to talk to me outside of her office and that this would be really weird in a bad sense of the word. She keeps telling me that stuff. On the other hand, her email has literally saved my life once, I wonder what could a few words do.