[Rozine]

I went to see a therapist for a couple of months about a relationship problem and issues stemming from my childhood. During that short time, I developed overwhelming feelings of ‘love’ for the male therapist I was seeing. We are roughly the same age and at the time, I also sensed that he was attracted to me. I never told him of my feelings although I suspect he may have guessed. At most sessions, he mentioned that he was in a relationship – I don’t know why he felt the need to do that because I never did or said anything inappropriate. The therapy came to an end somewhat unsatisfactorily – I felt as though he didn’t want to see me anymore. I still have a couple of unresolved issues that I would like to talk to him about because he helped me so much with other things. However, I feel too embarrassed to approach him because of my feelings. A month has passed and I just can’t get him out of my mind. It is affecting my sleep and my relationship – I really miss him. Does anyone have any advice about what I can do to address this problem?

[rainbow8]

It's quite common to "fall in love" with your T, as you'll find out from others too. I'm not sure why your T is telling you that he's in a relationship because whether he is or not, it's unethical for him to have a relationship with you outside of therapy. Maybe he thinks that was relevant to the issues you were discussing? If he was attracted to you, that's something he needs to keep from interfering with your therapy. Could it be that you are assuming things about him? You also say that you don't think he wants to see you anymore. Plus, you have unresolved issues to discuss with him, still.

I would suggest going back and first, bringing up what you posted here. Unless he is really inexperienced, he should tell you that it's normal to have strong feelings for a T, and he may tell you about transference. It may be hard since you're about the same age, but it's a T's job to hear this kind of stuff, and it's what you're paying him for. If you're too embarassed to tell him, can you email, or write it out and give him the paper?

If it's affecting your sleep and your relationship, I think it's important to go back. Alternatively, you could see someone else, maybe someone older, or a woman instead? But that doesn't guarantee that you won't develop strong feelings for that T, either. It's not wrong to feel attached to your T; in fact, it's an important aspect of therapy. If you discuss it with your T, it can be very productive!

Good luck!

[little*rhino]

he may have said that as a way to ease any sense of rejection you might feel without explaining transference to you. It is possible he had counter transference but from what i read from numerous posters online over the past.. gee, 8 yrs, i would have to say that most times our own desires and misperceptions project a feeling of reciprocation where there may or not be one.

one T i had was like that though... he knew i was attracted and i was mortified about it... until i found out about transference and then i felt like he should have explained it to me... saved me the embarrassment. Had i know this was a common by-product of some powerful internal issues, i could have been open about it. When i asked him about this *he* stared at the floor and blushed! Good god..

you could always go to another t for a set number of sessions with this one issue in mind... many people use a t to get over a t. Please dont think that getting a female t will make the difference, it doesn't. People develop transference based on deep seeded needs and not on sexual orientation... it's just we interpret that desire, or longing, as sexual or romantic.

hope this helps

[Rozine]

Hi,

"Had i known this was a common by-product of some powerful internal issues, i could have been open about it."

What do you mean by that? Just looking for an example or even if you can direct me to something that I can read so I can better understand what's going on.

Thanks!!

[ECHOES]

I would carefully question myself about the reason wanting to go back to him.
Is it the unresolved issues...or are the unresolved issues serving as a vehicle for you to see him again...

[Rozine]

That is a very good point and one that I will consider. Part of it is definitely about wanting to see him again the other part is also about unresolved childhood issues that I can't make sense of but I could always take them to someone else. All in all, I don't feel that things came to a satisfactory conclusion but perhaps I just need to get on with things.