can't do this!

T is sick at the moment. I am losing time that i could be seeing her. Time is running out,the year is going so quick. At the end of the year i can't see her anymore. I don't think that i can do this. Is way to too hard. thinking about quitting now but i can't do that either. I'm stuck. Its just going to be so painful when i can't see her anymore. I'm not going to survive or cope with this. I'm terrified i can't do this.

(((((crystalrose))))) I'm sorry you're going through all this. Is there any way you can contact T until you see her again? I know how hard it is to end therapy, I'm going through these same feelings right now with mine. I think talking about this with her could make a difference, just getting the feelings out to someone. And at the end of the year, what would give you as much closure as possible with T? Discussing these and aiming for as good of an ending as possible will make it easier at the end of the year, even if just a bit. I really hope it goes well for you Keep writing if it helps.

Indie

T said i couldn't hav her cell number anymore, but i stil hav it. I think i could call but might get in trouble cos i told her i deleted it. I want to leave her now so its not going to be awful and a mess when the end comes, but i can.t do that as i'l miss her too much.

(((((crystalrose)))))

Oh, I wonder what caused her to not let you have her number anymore? Do you have anything in particular that you want to say to her? Maybe you could write it all down and give it to her or read it aloud when you see her again.

she said i called too much but i didn't. I only called her 4 times. And had her number for just over a month. I want to tell her that i'm angry that she isn't doing anything so i can see her privatly. I'm such a mess life definatly sucks. I'm just laying in bed with the net not moving. Half the day has gone. My life is not worth anything.

I'd definitely tell her that you're angry, either in writing or when you see her next. I can't believe she would give you her number, then not want you to call her I'm sorry that you're feeling bad. I'll tell you what someone told me when I was feeling this way: You are worth just as much as anyone else, even if you don't believe that you are. You have needs, and desires, and feelings that are unique to you, and you deserve respect from others and from yourself.

I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but I hope it does. We're here, and we support you I really hope you feel better soon.

Quitting now won't stop you from having to deal with the loss of this relationship. If the attachment is already in place then you will at some point have to attend to your feelings about this separation. I understand that it hurts, but you will have to face that pain in order to get through it. A loss such as this can be emotionally crushing I know, but somewhere inside you will find the will to move forward. It takes time...sometimes a long time, but little by little you will feel more able to cope with this adjustment in your life. You can do this, Crystal. I understand that you're frightened. Have you discussed with your therapist the things about your relationship with her that you value so much? Is there anyone else in your life that can offer you support through this? As far as boundary issues go, maybe ask your T exactly what is okay (as far as phone calls and emails) and not okay for you to do and then respect her boundaries.

I'd be willing to bet, Crystal, that you have a lot to offer that you might discover if you believe in your own potential. I'm sorry things are so difficult right now. Keep writing and know that we're here to offer support.

((((((crystal))))))

i'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with this. is it possible for you to find another t that you could start transitioning to or will you not have any more therapy once you finish up with your current t? take gentle care of yourself.